Losing and Living (A Carnival of Losses: Notes Nearing Ninety by Donald Hall)

I read this final book of Donald Hall's close on the heels of his Essays After Eighty (You can find that review here.) However, I did not want to review two growing old books, one after the other, especially one with a title about losses. At the time that I read the book, I still had all of my aunts and uncles and both parents alive (and I'm not a child). I have seen that they have had to live through the losses of loved ones and the loss of health, but they have continued to live. This book is about living even as it is also about losing, and there is much to be learned from Hall's story. Not to mention, as I have come to realize, there is much to learn from Hall's writing. He remained a master writer to the very end (he died in June of this year), no wonder as he continued to revise to extraordinary lengths. In his first essay "You Are Old," he writes: "You are old when an essay of reminiscence takes eighty-four drafts." However, he is comparing that number to the numbers he mentioned when he was younger -- up to sixty! Clearly, he hones his craft more than the rest of us.

Because Hall writes from the vantage point of nearing ninety, "he feels free to reveal...several vivid examples of 'the worst thing I ever did' which is different from someone trying to keep an untarnished image of him or herself. However, be prepared for an entire essay (only two paragraphs, one half of a page) dedicated to the F- word. It is on page 181 of a 216 page book. Some will get the book for that essay alone and others will want to burn the book. I wouldn't go that far. I both bought the book and also dislike that particular essay. I don't want obscene words in my head that will come out at random sometime in the future if I fall into my father's stage of Alzheimer's or have a stroke and the only words I remember are obscene. It may sound funny on paper or in a movie, but in real life, it's not humorous at all.

Here are the great parts: amazing writing, writing of images that make this book (and his Essays After Eighty) required reading for some medical students. Hall captures so incredibly well what aging can look like that medical students are asked to read the book so that they will have some understanding of their older patients, some understanding of what the ailments of growing older feel like. His essay "Solitude Double Solitude" is nothing short of amazing (I'm running our of superlatives for Hall's writing) and his final sentence was gut-wrenching.

A surprising element of reading this book happened as Hall recounted his life with various poet-peers. These were poets who were famous in their day, and some I had never even heard of. Hall didn't expect to be remembered for too long either, and I think, perhaps, his prose will outlast his poetry! Nonetheless, I read these chapters at the same time that I was pondering legacy. Not many people will have their names remembered for years upon years, but each person matters. Each person brings something to the world of living, whether it be for ill or good.

Hall's final essay "Tree Day" is the perfect essay to end on, a perfect transition from one generation to the next. I do recommend the book. 

Raining (Rain of Gold by Victor Villaseñor)

This book was recommended to me by a family member, and she is right: the story is very good. I borrowed it from the library, and while I won't be buying it new, if I ever saw it on sale or at a used book shop, I would immediately buy it.

The story itself and the real people are fascinating. An added benefit was the amount of history (history in Mexico as well as prohibition history in the US) I learned. Most of the reviewers give this book a high rating. Of the two I saw who disliked the book, one person couldn't stand the mothers and thought they were evil. What?! The mothers are the life of the story not to mention the life of their families! Another reviewer mentioned the dialogue and writing style, specifically mentioning about "true love". 99.9 percent of us do not talk like characters in a television show. We're not witty or eloquent. The way the book is written made me believe the story as the non-fiction it is. This isn't to say that the dialogue is boring. While Villaseñor's family members sometimes repeat themselves, they have plenty of interesting, raucous, thought-provoking conversations.

The story also opens up the reader's eyes to what it can take to survive (and it isn't pretty). The reader also has to be willing to read dialogue that includes not only cuss words but also words of faith which these families have in plenty.

Most book discussion groups don't take on such large size books (562 pages), but lots of good topics of discussion in this book: what happens when a precious metal like gold is discovered, immigration (used to cost an adult Mexican 10 cents to get across the border and 5 cents for a child), how people treat each other, racial inequality, family dynamics, education. I enjoyed reading the author's notes at the end: which family members helped with the story, who remembered what differently.

Quotes that could also be used in a discussion group: "Blood is blood, but justice is justice. And Don Pio never let blood blind his eyes to justice" (127).
"Remember to respect a fallen star takes much more dignity than to admire the rising sun" (175).
"Oh, mi hijita, you woman of such little faith! God respects my honesty that I admit that I lie. He's a hundred thousand years tired of people preaching the truth in His home, but then lying to all the world once they get away from the shadow of His domain!" (377).

Since a number of my family members and friends are Hispanic (and I knew some of the areas mentioned in the book), I wondered if their extended family members knew or where a part of any of the families mentioned in this book. I can think of at least one family member who would be intrigued with reading this book.

💕💕💕 When I was in college the second time around, I took a foundational education course, and we did an activity where we all had color dots on our foreheads. We did not know which dot was on our own forehead but we could see everyone else's dot. We had instructions on how to treat classmates according to their dots. Ignore the blues. Be friends with the yellows. In an Exceptional Child class, we had to have some change which would make it more difficult for us to go out shopping and interact with people (broken leg, deafness, blindness). We all understand to some extent what it is like to be the not-popular student (unless you've always been the popular one). If we already have something genetic that hinders our interaction, we know how that feels, but many of the adults in my class did not. These are activities that can only be approached cautiously in a classroom; however, in a homeschooling community, we could even practice within limits what it would be like to be poor, even be a slave. Of course, it's not real, right? We know we will go back to being a free person, but anything that doesn't cause harm but will help open one's eyes to at least start understanding what it is like to be an outsider is a benefit to a child's empathy for others. Reading stories, traveling to other countries, helpful, as long as one does not take on an attitude of "I'm so important; I'm helping the downtrodden and unfortunate" as though others have less intelligence or knowledge or wisdom than we do. The families in this book, Rain of Gold, are smart, resourceful, wise, and hardworking. They just did not have money.

---Diving into the stream of social justice is a transformative practice. How to do it with humility takes thought and a tender heart. Still worth pursuing even if we're not at the point of humility yet. Being a genuine person to the people one meets as one shops at a store in a section of town where one does not normally shop might be a good start. I'm not to the point where I could go to the scariest parts of metropolitan cities, but any of the areas in my own county would be safe so I have no excuse. Also, if I was living back in my former home area, I would think going one section of town over from my own would be a good start. 

Educating (Educated by Tara Westover)

Maybe this book is a 5 star book, maybe only 4.5, but I give it a fairly high rating. I did buy the book, mainly because the 40 copies in my local library system had 220 holds on it, and I did not want to wait that long to read it. A colleague said it was a "must" read.

Storytelling and writing style: Excellent.

Redemptive qualities or of value because I want to remember something or quote something or look something up, again and again: Perhaps not as much as other books I have bought, but I cried throughout the "Pygmalion" chapter. I'm in love with Professor Steinberg (and Dr. Kerry, too).

Book Discussion Group worthy: Yes, definitely. Topics -- This memoir has it all: Education, Religion, Politics, Family, Friendship, Image of Oneself

Reality: The readers who rate this book the lowest struggle with believing the things in this story could happen. They don't believe Tara could have gotten into the top colleges she did. Scores are everything. Someone quite close to me scored a near perfect score on the SAT and universities welcomed this person who, while not having a complete lack of education during homeschooling, still vastly educated (him or her) self. It is, as Tara writes, that the scholarships are there; however, a student does have to maintain that scholarship and that is the difficult part. But, it can be done. Also, Tara makes clear that she had to have help with math. The second situation readers find unbelievable is the injuries that happen where people are still alive even without the care of doctors. I like essential oils but, if most of the things that happened in this book, happened to me, I would be at the emergency room of a hospital in a flash. However, I have known people to survive horrendous accidents. I can think of three reasons for a person to believe Westover's memoir. First, if you have known anything familiar in the story (and I have). If it is the most bizarre thing you have ever read, then you will find it difficult to believe (much like Westover found it difficult to believe what she heard and saw presented at the college). Second, the boyfriend mentioned at the end of the book, wrote to validate Westover's story even though they were no longer together and he may question her decision to publish the story (that's what it sounded like to me although he also assuredly backed up her story). Third, Random House employed fact checkers to check out her story. Do I think her childhood self may have recalled her memories inaccurately? Yes, especially since she writes of that possibility and gives alternate takes on the story in footnotes. The different views of the story does not change the main characterizations and threads that run throughout the story. Whether Westover should have published the story, I'm with her on this one. Maybe the published story will protect the younger generations of this family.

Hopefully, the story won't make readers think that all home schoolers fail to educate their children because that is not the case. Nor is anyone who ever used essential oils a crazy person. If they never ever take their child to a doctor....that's a little much for me.

💕💕💕 Child rearing is challenging, but this book has enough "what not to do" actions to help any mom or dad avoid the worst of the pitfalls. Our family homeschooled for about ten years, so I would not list home schooling as a "what not to do." We made mistakes, but we did make sure our children had a top notch education. They did not have any academic issues transitioning into a traditional school setting. Other than, apparently, my daughter is never going to forgive me for not educating her on who Michael Jackson was before I sent her off to school. The tougher, more normal challenge, (even though in this book, it was totally abnormal), is how to help one's children have a good image of themselves. If I were to talk to my younger self, I would tell me to listen to older, wiser voices from different walks of life. Get a variety of opinions. Yes, even within the community of faith, find the different voices and check them out. Do the research.

---How I practice having a God loves me image: First, I started trusting that if God says God is Love, then God is Love. Then, I looked at what love is. I put those character traits together with God is Love. Finally, I practiced reminding myself that God says I am God's beloved child and God loves me with what love is. I remind myself of every good thing God has to say about what the Creator has created (you, me, others) and I practice walking in the knowledge that God is with me, in and through everything I go through, and God does it with kindness, gentleness, hope, goodness, charity, patience, self-control, and more. 

Homecoming (The Unforgettable Guinevere St. Clair by Amy Makechnie)

Best opening sentences that I have read in a long time: "I was ten when Gaysie Cutter tried to kill me. It was just like her, too -- always leaving a bad first impression." Best ratings on Goodreads that I've ever seen, especially for a Young Adult book...no, make that Juvenile book at my library. First, on ratings, I only saw one person who gave it one star and the reviewer hated the characters and found the book difficult to read but found one character to be "aDORable". My guess is the reviewer was a young person with possible reading challenges? However, kudos to her, if that is the case, because she is reading and reviewing on Goodreads. Many of the reviewers were adults. This I know because they felt the need to explain that they enjoy reading YA or J literature. I'm with them. A good story is a good story, whether it is a picture book or a juvenile/young adult book or Plato...okay, so maybe not Plato.

This book begs for comparison to The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie by Alan Bradley. (See my review here.) The protagonist of Bradley's book, Flavia de Luce, has a vocabulary beyond her years. I enjoyed that, but Makechnie's book does not have the elements that annoyed me in Bradley's book. Her protagonist, Guinevere St. Clair -- Gwyn, does have a mother...okay, so she isn't quite a normal mother because of brain damage, but she is there. And, Gwyn has a sister that she actually likes and does not try to poison (see the relationship between Flavia and her two sisters). She even has a father who is not cold and distant -- preoccupied, yes, with trying to find the cure for his wife. There's even a Nana (grandmother) who is normal; she can be both kind and cranky. All this normalcy may appear boring; however, Gaysie Cutter of the opening sentence is eccentric enough to balance out our cast of characters. The character that annoyed me the most is the mom. I know it's sad for me to say that. I kept thinking that the mom, who can't remember anything after her thirteenth year acts more like a five-year-old, but maybe her memory is stuck at 13 and the brain damage caused her emotions to be more like a child in primary or elementary school. I want to know what happens with Mrs. Vienna St. Clair.

What Flavia and Gwyn have in common is their sleuthing. Whereas Flavia is precocious and often knows more than the adults, Gwyn's vocabulary and missteps seem to fit her age. Still, dead bodies pop up, literally pop up, and mysteries abound, or perhaps, one mystery and lots of secrets. The story begs for a sequel. I probably will go back and read another Flavia de Luce book (such good vocabulary), but I really hope Makechnie will write the next Guinevere St. Clair book. Other characters who made brief appearances in this first book must have a storyline, and Gwyn's dad has to keep up his search into the brain (while Flavia's forte is poison, Gwyn educates us in matters of the brain).

Since I write one piece for review and blog (which includes personal connections to the book), I'll segue into the blog portion with two of my favorite quotes from The Unforgettable Guinevere St. Clair to close out the review portion. (As for why the title of "Homecoming", it involves a plot spoiler so you'll just have to read the book to find out why.)

"I sniffed, wrinkled my nose at the old smell, and looked around, wondering if death stank. Ms. Myrtle's chair sat alone in the corner, and I felt a wave of wistfulness for the tales of my parents, and even of Gaysie, sorry I hadn't asked for more stories and information, sorry I would never get the chance. And even though she was a frightful woman, I suddenly missed that she wouldn't be watching us grow up or sticking her head out the door to tell me to 'hush up!'" (216).

"To Guinevere St. Clair. This is what I know of friendship: Hold on to the people you love. Know what they feel like, smell like, and act like, so that when they're not there to hold on to, you remember. G.C." (232).

Plus, there's a reference to and adventure because of Huck Finn. Yeah, way to win a teacher's heart.

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Family life: I've got to go with those last two quotes. How often I hear many people say, and I've said it often myself: I wish I had listened better and asked for more tales.

Spiritual transformation: Listening to people has shown up in this section before (and worth practicing again and again and again), but I'm going to go with the practice of learning more and more about our bodies which includes our brains. The research that is coming out about our brains is fascinating and very spiritually transforming!

Austening (The Jane Austen Project by Kathleen A. Flynn)

Yes, I did use that proper name as a verb. I was not the first. Given the number of Austen fan clubs, reimagining of her stories, and productions based on those same stories (and let's not forget the Jane Austen Centre in Bath, UK), "Austening" is something to do.

Desperately searching for something light to read this summer, I happened upon this book on the NEW shelf at the library. It turns out that there was a bit of science fiction involved, but that was fine with me, even if it was time travel which is quite the fad. Author Flynn does have a bit of a twist at the end when it comes to time travel. Because that element was thought-provoking, I won't include any plot spoilers here but will bring it up in one or both of the lower two sections of my blog.

The story itself:

Light, summer beach read, even if you are in the mountains snowed in: Check. This will work.

As good as Austen: Nah. Characterization so-so. But, see up above. Still worth checking out of library.

What did I like about the book (beside wanting something light to read): the historical and biographical parts of Austen's life are woven fairly seamlessly in, and I enjoyed learning about those parts of her life. Also, this commentary from the protagonist is a good response to people who find Austen's characters petty and annoying (yes, people who dislike reading Austen do exist):

"What I love about Jane Austen has never been the marriage plot; the quest for a husband in her novels struck me, even when I was younger and more susceptible, as a MacGuffin [for my non-English speaking friends -- an element used to move the plot, perhaps even develop the characters, but not explained], or at least a metaphor. I have always suspected this is how she meant her books to be read. Many people from my world find it strange, even tragic, that the author of such emotionally satisfying love stories apparently never found love herself, but I don't.

"For one thing, she was a genius: burning with the desire to create undying works of art, not a cozy home for a husband and children. For another, she wrote the world she knew, and what she felt would appeal to readers. The marriage plot is interesting mostly for how it illuminates the hearts of her characters, what they learn about themselves on the way to the altar. She concerns herself with bigger questions: how to distinguish good people from plausible fakes; what a moral life demands of us; the problem of how to be an intelligent woman in a world that had no real use for them" (113, italics mine as is the explanation of a MacGuffin).

Caveats: Requisite sex scene in the latter half of the book. I don't think it was necessary. Frankly, if publishers or authors think they have to have a sex scene in the book, I will just write here that Harlequin Romances are a lot cheaper (particularly when you can get them even cheaper at yard sales and thrift stores) with all the sex you want.

I mentioned a different take on the ending of a time traveling novel so, be aware, the rest of this blog post includes information about the ending.

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💕💕💕 If you're any type of introspective person, you're going to look back on the past and have at least one or two regrets. Most time traveling novels focus on how important it is not to change the past and the characters in this book follow that same protocol until you get to the end and Flynn switches it up.

They find out that changing the past is good. Time travel is still sci-fi so we don't have to consider this possibility in actuality; however, it makes for a great discussion. Would I go back and change the past, knowing that I would be a different person, hopefully for the better, right? Which elements of our lives are what make us to be the people we like being and which elements make us into the people we dislike or even hate in our lives? While thinking these thoughts, another book has come into my life by Amy Morin, but that review has yet to be written.

---A spiritual practice...hmmm, good question. God inhabits past, present, and future, yet the I AM is outside of time. Would the Creator go back and change the past? It's an intriguing question. Some of my friends will pray (as I do also) for a prayer request even if the event, say a surgery, already happened and we are just now seeing the prayer request because God is outside of time and, as all-knowing God, knew we would be praying. I wonder if a good practice would be to talk with God about the past, present, and future, but particularly in talking about the past sins, not always with a shame-faced, hopeless, "consequences are consequences" attitude, but with a forgiven, hope-filled, "You are God of the past" attitude.  

Fighting (Hero of the Empire by Candice Millard)

The library discussion group chose this book for me. At the beginning of the book, I did think about how I could get out of reading it while still leading the discussion. For example, starting off with this question: "Say I did not finish reading this book, what would you say to convince me to either finish it or put it on the DFR (don't finish reading) shelf?"

Friends, family, and readers of this blog know that my bookshelf is not heavily loaded with historical non-fiction. Still, I did finish the book, and ratings from three to five stars on Goodreads are valid.

Let's tackle first why I was tempted to leave the book unfinished. Churchill simply is not a likable fellow. Even his contemporaries thought so. Maybe you have to have his type of mindset to become the leader of a nation but his arrogance is overwhelming more times than it is not. Then, his culture's mindset of empire is foreign and horrifying to my own worldview. One reader critic rants (his word) that the book is an unquestioned acceptance of Churchill's picture of the story. To have included at least a few "Churchill later claimed" phrases might not have hurt the telling of the story.

Yet, it is the telling of the story by an author gifted at doing so which makes the book worth finishing. Millard has gained a reputation for taking historical narrative and turning it into writing worthy of the best fiction. So many of the Goodreads reviews perfectly explain reading this story: "enormously interesting, but also terribly dismaying" "[everyone] behaves badly" "stupid war characterized by hubris". Another reader wrote that if one does not know anything about the Boer Way (I'm raising my hand), Millard does a great job of providing background information, seamlessly, I will add.

It's easy to put the book down and easy to pick it back up and continue reading. If you love historical non-fiction, or history, it also will be easy to appreciate this book and this author. One reader asks Millard to please write up all of history -- so much better than reading a textbook! That might be a little difficult since Millard, thus far, has taken five years per book to do all the research.

In the end, I found the book fascinating...or perhaps I need to say that I find history fascinating even with all of its horrors. Gandhi and his team of stretcher-bearers are mentioned. I vote for Gandhi's non-violent story to be next on Millard's list of history books to write.

I'm short on time and way behind on blogging my book reviews so I'm skipping my usual last two sections today. 

Caring (Spiritual Direction by Sue Pickering)

This will be one of my shortest blog posts ever as this is a review of a specific genre: spiritual writing, even more specifically an introduction book to spiritual direction. I have no idea how I wound up with the white background for some of the paragraphs (other than for the first time I copied from my review on Goodreads over to the blog instead of the other way around, but not all of this is on Goodreads, and then suddenly the white background stops), but I haven't time to retype everything so it stands as evidence of my stage of still learning.

If you are looking for a book on spiritual direction: what it is, listening and responding to God, listening and responding to ourselves, listening and responding to others, listening in context to community, and you are familiar with spiritual direction vocabulary, then this is a five star, clearly buy it, book. 

Everything about this book -- writing, style, reflections, examples -- are clear and well-written. No boredom here. 

However, if you're not accustomed to spiritual direction vocabulary (let's say you just want to know what spiritual direction is and you're not interested in learning how to participate in spiritual direction), then you might not want to pick up this book.

💕💕💕💕💕 I am currently taking a summer class in spiritual direction for children from the Companioning Center. Experiencing life with God and children has been eye opening. Smart children who can tell me a bible story clearly and recite a memory verse exactly but have no idea where God fits into either (and who were bored during Bible story time because the storyteller "talked and talked and talked") yet given the opportunity to engage with the story or make connections, leading the way, tell of a rich, deep relationship with God. 

---------------- Christian Spiritual Direction is not freaky weird, or, at least, it's not supposed to be. If you have had a situation where someone said he or she was doing spiritual direction with you, yet the "director" is telling you what you need to do, what God is saying to you, or even trying to counsel you, then find a different director or, if you did want a counselor, go to a professional counselor. If you wanted a mentor or advisor or teacher, go to those people.  Spiritual direction in the simplest words is having someone (the director) listen to you (the directee) and allow you to recognize the movement of God in your life (God who loves you and calls you beloved), and give you space to respond. The director does not choose how God is moving nor choose how you will respond. He or she may ask if you have tried this or that (journaling, psalm praying, imagining oneself in a particular bible scene, drawing while talking with God, to name a few examples), but choices are the directee's, not the director's. (Ugh, that last sentence now edited if you happened to read the autocorrected version the first time through.)

From the author of Spiritual Direction: "...spiritual direction...a one-to-one conversation in which one person helps another reflect on and deepen his or her connection with God" (xi), and "...spiritual direction is about listening to people's stories, listening for glimpses of grace and hints of the holy, listening for the breakthrough presence of God in the midst of ordinary life" (xiii). From page 3, a director "supports and encourages another person (the directee) to attend and respond to God...discover God's care in the midst of difficulties; become aware of the sacred within the ordinary events of life; honestly share with God their feelings, doubts, and questions..."  

Aging Well or Aging...Well...(Essays After Eighty by Donald Hall)

First, I fell in love. Then, the honeymoon was over, and I started to take the book out of my Amazon cart. Still, I read on. Now, the book stays in the cart, waiting.

I picked up this book from the library (although photo credit here goes to iBooks or Google or Amazon or the publisher) because a friend had read some Donald Hall poems at a gathering. It turns out Hall just died in July 10 of this year so, in my case, I fulfilled a statement he makes in his essays about a poet becoming popular after he dies! This is not a book of his poems. In fact, he doesn't even include one of his poems. After eighty years, he feels the poetic muse has left him and he turns to prose...superb prose...well earned superb prose as he revises often over thirty times! Clearly Hall was willing to put in the time to become a master of his art. His art and skill at writing alone tempts me to buy the book.

I went looking for a book of his poetry and came home with White Apples and the Taste of Stone (selected poems 1946-2006), Anecdotes of Modern Art (written with Pat Corrington Wykes), and this book Essays After Eighty. Before he died, he finished A Carnival of Losses: Notes Nearing Ninety which also sits in my shopping cart.

I fell in love with the first essay "Out the Window" as he describes the view out his window and his mom turning ninety as she looked out that same window, living in the same house for almost sixty years (a nice counterpoint to my last book review of Miller's Valley and musings on moving on). Still, in this chapter the years that lie ahead of the reader might look a bit foreboding based on Hall's descriptions. (Believe me, if I did not use the lie/lay correctly here, I did try to discern the proper usage!)

As I moved into the second essay on writing "Essays After Eighty," I thought surely I needed this book if only to learn how to avoid beginning "paragraphs with 'I'" (14) Not to mention avoiding a lot of other problems in writing already demonstrated in this post!

In "Yeti in the District" and other essays, Hall takes negative situations and brings in his sense of humor. Yet, as I read on, Hall has an edge of cynicism, perhaps, some would say "understandably so" as he survived a wife and an ex-wife who both died of cancer.

Sometimes timing even in reading matters. I have read a number of books lately that have involved such deep thinking that I am ready for some belly laughs. There are some gentle laughs in Hall's essays, some name droppings that are so subtle that it takes one a moment to realize he just dropped a lot of famous names, and a lot of memoir from an old poet who writes extremely well. My guess is that he did not intend for the book to be about teaching anyone else how to age well.

My (there's that personal pronoun again) favorite quote: "Yesterday my first nap was at 9:30 am, but when I awoke I wrote again." I'd have to say Publisher's Weekly's blurb for the book describes Hall's work well: "Laconic, witty, and lyrical, Hall is a master stylist, yet he remains refreshingly humble and matter-of-fact about fame (his and others)...By exploring the joys and vicissitudes of a long life, [Essays After Eighty] offers revealing insights into the human condition -- and the grit and openness it requires" (from the front flap of the cover).

💕💕💕💕💕 Getting to know older adults is important for children. Older people have stories to tell and too often I hear at memorials or when it is no longer possible to hear their stories, "Oh, how I wished I had listened or asked questions when he or she was able to tell me all about life back then."  Our family did a fair job of our children knowing older people. Not the best, not the worst.

---------------- Here I am now one of those people wishing I had paid more attention to the stories of my elders, so I read books like Essays After Eighty. As for spiritual practices, there are people around me who are older than I am that I can still get to know, can still practice being attentive to. Journaling makes for a beneficial practice as well. Not everything needs to be saved for those who come behind us but both types of journaling -- for one's own eyes only and for others to read -- can be a blessing. 

Moving On (Miller's Valley by Anne Quindlen)

Nothing like walking through reviews of a book and realizing that I am going to be one of the few who rate it with 3 stars. Three stars: I liked it. It was fine. There's the issue, isn't it? We don't like to receive a 'C' grade, an average grade. We don't like to be "fine" or "nice." I can't really label the book as "nice" as once again this summer I've just finished a sad book (with somewhat of a "happy" ending, I guess). I am desperate to move on to something witty and humorous and happy. However, I didn't choose this book (it was a book discussion group choice for the month of July-August), and moving on from sad books is not why I chose the title "Moving On" for this post.

The people of Miller's Valley must move out and move on because their town is going to be covered in water; it will be a "drowned town". This is not a plot spoiler as we learn this immediately in the novel.

Still, I could have chosen a variety of themes to focus on from Quindlen's novel: eminent domain, 1960s and Vietnam (or any war era sending back soldiers into civilian life), family relationships, friendship, pro-life/pro-choice/sex, growing up / growing old, loneliness, identity and home.

All those themes touch my life in one way or the other, but I keep coming back to what it means to "move on." When does moving on help us grow and thrive, and when is moving on equivalent to cutting ourselves off from what matters and/or simply running away? When does someone else's moving on become something we have to deal with, get through, and get over?

If a reader is willing to look into that theme running throughout Miller's Valley and throughout the lives of its characters, then she or he will have lots to think about in this "quiet" book (a number of reviewers who rated this book three stars were wishing they had paid attention to the "quiet" label -- this means the story may move a bit slower than one would like).

The book is an excellent choice for discussion, but I'm not purchasing the book for my own shelves.

💕💕💕💕 One of the most important actions we can take with our children (and with ourselves) is to help them build up friendships that will last a lifetime. Some childhood friendships will fall by the wayside -- oh! what a great analogy I've fallen into! Some friendships will fall on footpaths where the busy birds of this life will eat them up. If the friendships seem like good ones, pick up the seeds and move them to a place where they can be nurtured. Some friendships fall  among the rocks. Make sure that not all of your children's friendships and your own friendships stay in the rock or acquaintance region. Some friendships will fall among the weeds. Those are the tough calls to make when it comes to friendships. To have friendships among the good soil, those are friendships that last a lifetime and in rain and shine, help us to thrive and grow. Too often I've either moved on from friendship to friendship or planted friendships everywhere without making sure that I have deep friendships.

--------------Matthew, Mark, Luke, and Acts in the New Testament all write of "shaking the dust off of   [one's] feet." Words for moving on. My comments here address whether we read those stories in light of the reality that God is Love (see my ongoing blog post about this in this link here.  ) or if we read it as if God were made in our own image and if we shake off dust, then we either hate you or can't stand you or feel something other than God love for you. What if we look at "shaking of the dust" as moving on and moving past so that we can thrive and grow, so that we are not continually dragged down into the taking any number of unhelpful actions: being someone's rescuer and getting in the way of the Holy Spirit; becoming morose and stuck in the past; getting angry and becoming depressed about the past, unable to hear the goodness to which God is inviting us...

What if "shaking off the dust", "moving on", means we are invited to move away from bitterness, wrath, malice, evil words -- to put them off, to shake them off -- and to put on, move toward kindness compassion, and forgiveness? It may mean that moving on and away from someone or something is healing for our souls...and may lead to healing for theirs as well.

What if "shaking off the dust" means a moving on which is also helpful to the person or people from whom we are moving on or moving past? If the person can not hear and feel our love, can not hear and feel that the kingdom of God has come near to them, do we trust God in perfect love to send someone else? Just because we need to shake the dust off of our feet does not mean that God has abandoned the people. Truly, if these actions of shaking off the dust in protest as a testimony does not change any minds, if after time and time again, a person chooses to walk away from the freedom offered in Jesus, in God, in Love with a capital 'L', then the person gets to have what he or she wants and that is a life outside of the kingdom of God. That is sad, but the judgment does not come from us. Shaking dust off of our feet does not make us superior. It is merely an action done in love directed by God who is Love because we who are moving on are not the ones to carry the message of love there. We need to discontinue reading the words of Jesus as though he is saying them with hate and instead read them as a parent who deeply loves his children. "And you, Capernum, [think, dear children, about this] will this get you to heaven? No, you will go down to Hades [Sheol, a place of darkness, a place of death, a place where nothing grows or thrives; this is not what I want for you; change your mind, dear children, for I love you with an unfailing love].

**********I continue to think on this topic of moving on, shaking the dust off my feet. This question comes to mind. When do I move on and when do I stay put? It might have to do with what leads me toward  God and which leads me away from God. It probably has a lot to do with what is most helpful for both the one who is not listening and to me as well. Which "moving on" "shaking the dust off" move me toward God and away from anything that puts me in the place only God can hold or takes me away from anything I idolize? Which "moving on" or "shaking the dust off" takes me farther away from God's invitation to me (think of Jonah and Ninevah)? 

Sleuthing (The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie by Alan Bradley)

In my pursuit of some light reading, I discovered I do not possess my own copy of To Kill a Mockingbird. I intend (barely and briefly) to compare Scout, the protagonist of TKAM (as it was known by my students) with Flavia, the protagonist of The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie (TSATBOTP -- goodness, even with initials, the title is still long). I went to take a picture of the two books together and that's when I realized that I did not own TKAM (my children, take note, my birthday is coming).

From the title of this blog post -- "Sleuthing" -- and the picture of the dead bird, you can deduce ("arrive at by reasoning, reach a logical conclusion") that this is a mystery, not my normal genre to read. However, several friends rated this book highly (4 stars) on Goodreads, and I longed for something light-hearted to read.

Eh, dead bodies but no blood and guts, just lots of talk of poisons...lots. No deep philosophical discussions but lots of multi-syllable words...lots. I like multi-syllable words even when they are written as coming out of the mouth of a precocious eleven year old. The thoughts and conversations of Flavia can be funny. It is meant to be "over the top" (hyperbole, exaggeration). It has to be when the author names the characters Ophelia (Feely), Daphne (Daffy), Flavia, Antigone, Dogger, etc.

Therefore, if the book is meant to be jolly good fun (even with dead people, poisons, kidnapping, etc.), readers shouldn't expect reality in the story. Yet, at the bottom of this custard pie (part of the story), there is some sweet (or not-so-sweet) reality in the form of how the murders happen and in the kidnapping. All's well that ends well so have no fear there. I like the relationship between Inspector Hewitt and Flavia, but I confess to being annoyed by the family relationships.

One, why are mothers generally dead and fathers cold and distant (or vice versa)? Can one not have an adventuresome life with a live mother and father who care for and love you? Maybe not. I finished two memoirs this summer Calypso and Hillbilly Elegy (reviews in the links) and one author has a dead mother and father who was cold and distant in younger years and warm and loving in later years, and one author has a drug addict mother, and a father who left the family.

Two, Flavia's siblings. Flavia's talk of poisoning her sisters and how they treat each other is flat-out painful for me to read. Not because it sparks painful thoughts of my own relationships with siblings but because I have such good relationships with my siblings and whenever I have seen painful relationships, the situation has not been funny. I know, I must remember this is exaggeration for the sake of fun. Keep that in mind and you'll be fine...if you like long words and long explanations of how poisons and crime work. Nothing gory, and the explanations are well done. Also, Flavia is not perfect in her sleuthing, just as Scout in To Kill a Mockingbird is not perfect. Scout is a believable character. Author Harper Lee catches the right temperament, the right expression for a smart, intelligent young girl written in a style where the character is looking back. Then again, To Kill a Mockingbird is meant to be realistic...a lot.

I'm conflicted. I can't give the book 4 stars like my friends and many reviewers, but I can't give it 2 stars like some other reviewers who hesitated going against popular opinion that Flavia and her sleuthing are as good as...the sweetness at the bottom of the pie. I liked the book. I started the book one day and finished it the next. Not a perfect solution for my desire for light-hearted reading, but a fair choice. 3 stars. Go into it as something over-the-top and laugh at the names of the characters.

💕💕💕💕 Sibling love. That has to be my topic for this section of my blog post. How to get it. Some of it may take time, but surely parents helping children to love one another has to be one facet of sibling love. I confess I did my whole ambitious, not present, time of parenting which I regret. Now, I pray, God of the past, present, and future, will redeem the years the locust have eaten (all biblical references)...that God who is outside of time will redeem ("compensate for the bad aspects") of those years.

-------------It took me a moment to think what could go into this spiritual transformation section, and then it came to me: Being Present. Scout's dad Atticus (one of the most beloved characters in literature) is a lawyer and busy. When he reads his newspaper, he concentrates on reading his newspaper, still there is a sense that he is attentive to his children. Flavia's dad Colonel de Luce (in Italian, luce has to do with light, but in late Middle English, it's a pike fish!)...laughing out loud here...her dad is a cold fish and not attentive to his children even with their mother dead. To practice being present to people, I stop what I'm doing; I look with my eyes; I keep my mouth closed and listen with my ears; I'm thankful for the person. Being present while alone, for example, eating: I enjoy looking at the food; I taste and savor each bite; I'm thankful for food. 

To Read or Not to Read (Shelf Life ed.Gary Paulsen and Vinegar Girl by Anne Tyler)

I don't have to read every book I start. This was an important decision I made last week. See the stack of books below.

These are just a few of the books I intend to read! At the time I took this picture, I forgot there was one in my purse.

(Yes, the purse looks like it could be replaced, but that's a blog piece for another day: not filling our waste or dump sites.) My actual decision not to read a book came while reading these two books:

I finished Shelf Life; I returned Vinegar Girl to the library. Both of these books have something in common. In Shelf Life, editor Gary Paulsen asked prominent authors to write short stories  which included the mention of a book. This was done to promote and benefit ProLiteracy Worldwide. Vinegar Girl by Anne Tyler is the third book of Random House's "Hogarth Shakespeare" project where a novelist updates a story from Shakespeare.

I picked up Shelf Life from work and I almost did not finish it as the stories at the beginning did not interest me. Sure, they mention a famous book (or two) in each story, but the stories came across like the results of a writing assignment rather than what would naturally come from the author. However, some of the students at the school where I work had this book as required reading so I pushed on and I liked the stories at the end. Also, the last section "About the Contributors" fascinated me.

Vinegar Girl written by well-known author Anne Tyler was supposed to be my "light-hearted" read after reading through a series of depressing books. It was okay, but I kept thinking the original Shakespearean play The Taming of the Shrew was a lot better. This isn't just me insisting on the original Shakespeare. I like his stories retold in modern language. I just kept thinking: "Wait, she's changing up the actual story." In the middle, I decided that I could stop reading. Just because I had started reading the book did not mean I had to finish it. Not only did I have all those other books I wanted to read (see first picture), but these books came in two days later (and The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie by Alan Bradley looks like it might be the light-hearted read I have been looking for.)

💕💕💕💕 About 70% of the people who look at my blog do so on a mobile device and I now realize the website post does not always come out well on a mobile so I'm working to fix that. I still have not figured out how to add the translation widget to the mobile format, but I'm playing with how to divide up the sections such as this one that connects the reading to family life and the one below connecting to spiritual transformation.

I don't actually have the answer to the question I'm raising in this section. How do we get our children and students to enjoy some of the best literature of the ages when testing on anything kills most of the joy?

-------------As for spiritual transformation and reading, I have not, I believe, mentioned reading scriptures which surely would be included in any spiritual transformation plan. Again, testing destroys a whole lot of joy. While reading Old Testament scriptures and New Testament scriptures will help any reader because of the vast number of biblical references and allusions made in books, reading of the bible can make a transformative difference. And, while some readers may gasp at the word "can", reading the bible knowing that God loves you, the reader, and delights in you, makes a difference between reading it  and being transformed and thinking that God is out to get you and not being transformed. Also, skillful readers know to picture in their minds what they are reading. See the second book review You Gotta Be the Book in this blog post "Five Books..." to read a discussion of how important it is to picture what we are reading, yet so often that information is not offered to those reading the bible.  

Retiring and Transitioning (Next by Vanderbloemen and Bird)

The short version of how I came to be reading this book: I thoroughly disliked hearing the statement: "All pastors are interim pastors." Wait! Don't stop reading because I used the word "pastor." I promise that this post will apply to all, not just pastors.

I still don't like the statement as used by authors Vanderbloemen and Bird. While I have dear friends who are wonderful interim pastors, I think the use of it in the book carries with it a negative feeling even if the authors do not intend to write in that way.

In this case, why do I give the book three stars which means I like the book? I would go so far as to say, for pastors and churches the rating is 4-5 stars and a necessary book to read. As someone not on an elder board and not a pastor, I appreciated the ideas in the book to know how to help a community of faith and a workplace community. I appreciated being challenged to think about how we all need to build bridges for others.

For the first two communities mentioned above, I like to think of leaders moving on in the best of circumstances as a time of commencement. They are about to begin a new part of their journey in life and how can the leaders bless their community and how can the community bless them. In the worst case situations, dealing with grief within a community is needful. For good or for ill, being prepared from the moment a leader takes up his or her position is the great idea conveyed by this book. The authors do go into every nitty gritty detail (money, loss of momentum, etc.) As one reviewer put it, for a book about pastoring, it seems like the the authors deem a good succession as one with continued tithing and continued growth. I have to wonder about some of the examples in the book: what happened to love God and love others.

The takeaway for me in this book is how does anyone: a parent, a woman or man, a employer, a leader, and, yes, a pastor, leave a legacy, not of wealth but of that which she or he has contributed to the world just being who they are and what they have been doing on this journey? Our unique identity can not be passed on, nor should we want it to be, but people are going to continue on without us. How can we make those transitions as smooth as possible for them?

Vanderbloemen and Bird's last chapters are some of the best. On page 171-172 of the next-to-the-last chapter, they bring in the work of William Bridges, an authority on change and transition "[who] helps us understand the emotional side of those transitions. He argues that the single biggest reason organizational changes fail is that no one has thought about endings or planned to manage their impact on people. His argument is that changes don't do you in. Rather transitions do you in.

"He explains the way the concepts differ. Change is situational....new location...retirement...reorganization...a shift...Transition is psychological. It is a process people go through as they internalize and come to terms with the details of the new situation the change brings about."

I have just participated in seeing a community carry out V&B's suggestions well: The pastor and his family verbalized a personal goodbye, the community had opportunities to say goodbye and to honor the pastor and his family. The grief of the community was and is being recognized. The pastor and family was gifted and blessed.

I wanted to include the beautiful words spoken during these celebrations and services but it would make the post too long so if you know me personally and would like me to get those to you, I will. If I don't know you, but you ask in the comment section, I will start putting those in my replies in the comment section.

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I've mentioned in this section before the need to know who would take care of your children if something were to happen to you. My children are grown so now my concern about what comes next is not to leave them with too many of my possessions to go through and try to get rid of or find places for. Also, as I think about my job, how can I make it easier for the person who one day will follow me? And, those who follow behind me will have their own contributions to make, but how can I leave my little section of the path clear so that they can more easily extend the path and travel farther than I could go?

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HUMILITY -- oh, does preparing for one's successor take humility. To practice little habits daily so that when that day comes, we can do so with grace and love and peace -- this, this is following Christ.
My indirect ways of practicing humility have been in choosing to get in the slow line at grocer's stores and letting people with less groceries than I to go ahead of me. Humility. Why is my time so much more than other people's time? Read the book Leadership and Self-Deception (link to the review here). When we take action which lacks humility, we want to make the others as people not like us, people who deserved whatever action we took.

Another little indirect step toward humility I took yesterday involved the dish soap. Yes, the dish soap. I tend to leave it out on the counter. My spouse loves tidiness. He mentioned that he is always putting it away. Please note that he did not say it to "put me in my place". It's not a slippery slope toward slavery if I choose to put the dish soap away as an indirect way to practice humility. This may not be a good practice for someone with an abusive spouse. I'm a creative messy person and my spouse likes some order. I'm not ready for a hoarding reality show, and he's not ready for psychological care; we're just different and  I'm confident in myself and my abilities; therefore, for me, putting away the dish soap is a practice I thought I would try. You can figure out your own small step of practicing humility.  

Listening (The Art of Listening in a Healing Way by James E. Miller)

The Art of Listening in a Healing Way by James E. Miller "reveals the art of being a healing listener" as the back cover states. It's a small book -- 80 pages and truly only half of those pages have full size paragraphs printed on them. On the left hand, even numbered pages are quotes and beautiful pictures of flowers. Still, I would buy this book again with no problem (the price is typically reasonable), and I easily rate it four stars. If I had not been so stingy with my star ratings lately, I would give it five stars because listening is a skill desperately needed today. When listening becomes an art form, all manners of goodness takes place.

The book is made up of statements such as "Healing listening is founded on wonder" and "Healing listening begins with a triple intention." Each statement is explained, described, and illustrated with a combination of instruction, inspiration, research, and example. Occasionally, another quote will be found on the right hand instructional/inspirational side such as the one by Irish poet William Butler Yeats on page 29: "We can make our minds so like still water that beings gather about us to see their own images..." Miller concludes: "Your still presence gives others the opportunity to see their own reflections. Your quiet being offers a hush in which others can find and hear their own voices."

Much of the book may not even be new to the reader; however, it is good to be reminded that the gentle art of listening is a gift we can bring to one person at a time in a world with voices shouting and clamoring to sell us something, whether that which is being sold is an emotion, a viewpoint, a product, or a service.

And, now I have come to the end of my spring-early summer reading books! (I won't count this one toward my 52 books read in 52 weeks because it is so small.)

To see the reviews of each of these titles, click on the links in the titles: Summer Hours at the Robbers Library, Leadership and Self-Deception, Small Country, Joyful Journey, Plant Paradox, Hillbilly Elegy, and Calypso.

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My mother taught her children as we became parents: "If your boys start to talk to you, stop everything and listen because that may be the only time you will get to hear what they have to say." She had it partly right. My brother is a quiet person so if he starts talking, we want to stop and listen. However, girls can be quiet, too. And, even when children are not quiet, boys and girls, they need a listening ear. I have two quiet children (male and female) and two talkative ones (male and female). At least they were talkative when young, but, friends and family, with goodnatured intentions, made jokes about their talkative ways, and now they are much quieter, and that can be a sad outcome.

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I've included this spiritually transforming practice before but it's good to practice again and again. Choose a day to intentionally listen to people, without interrupting, without advising, without giving your version or your example or your story. It doesn't mean that you and I will never talk again. We need people who will listen to us as well, but as a practice, listening can be an awakening experience. 

Siblings (Calypso by David Sedaris)

I know, I know; the word "siblings" may have an 'ing' in it, but it is not a gerund. Nonetheless, it fits too well for me to get hemmed in by details like grammatical rules. In my family, we could make a gerund of it: "I think she just siblinged you!" And, my siblings would instantly understand.

Did you know that calypso can mean "a type of West Indian song whose words are often invented as the song is sung" which actually fits Sedaris's books -- they come about as his song of life is sung. However, Calypso comes from the name of his cat, not the name he gave his cat, but the name his neighbors gave the cat who had a secret life apart from its life with Sedaris (for fans of etymology, Sedaris has some fairly intelligent neighbors as the original Greek means "she that conceals; to cover, conceal").

I did not actually intend the picture to go with concealment. I was going for a West Indian feel, all part of image management; I can't just post a picture of the cover, can I?

Let me return to siblings. This is my family. No, not literally my family, but it could be my family except, thankfully, my mother is still with us. Therefore, it is difficult to criticize anything that comes so close to home. Also, it's a memoir and even my students knew (or if they didn't, they really would have benefited from figuring this out), I do not like to downgrade anyone's writings when the stories come from the heart. Don't immediately assume I hated the book (family, you know).

But, it is a type of memoir, even in essay form, and I'm not a fan of memoirs. (Thus, my three star rating.) I usually don't finish reading them. I finished reading this because I couldn't stop reading it. Reviewers who read Sedaris say that this is his most introspective, darkest humor...and not to start with this book as an introduction to Sedaris. Too late for that advice. He is funny...and, yes, back to family. His family reminds me of my family.

Yet, the turtle. I can't get over the turtle incident. That is not like my family. And, the incident with his sister. I want to be mad at him about that. I want to think that none of my siblings would ever do that to another one. I discussed it with one of my sisters. When is "tough love" truly love and when is it a euphemism for "downright mean"?

I've bookmarked page 91 a conversation between Sedaris and his partner Hugh:

Sedaris writes, "It's not that our father waited till this late in the game to win our hearts. It's that he's succeeding." Sedaris then starts complaining to Hugh: "'But he didn't used to be this nice and agreeable.'

'Well, he is now,' he [Hugh] said. 'What can't you let people change?'"

Sedaris comments: "This is akin to another of his often asked questions: 'Why do you choose to remember the negative rather than the positive?'

'I don't,' I [Sedaris] insist, thinking, I will never forget your giving me such a hard time over this.

Honestly, though, does choice even come into it? Is it my fault that the good times fade to nothing while the bad ones burn forever bright? Memory aside, the negative just makes for a better story..." Sedaris concludes.

So, either confession is good for Sedaris's soul or all the negative stuff makes for a better story or both. I could have done without any essays on bodily functions, but, again, sigh, family. I could do without the bodily discussions in my own family, except when my sisters get going during a sibling reunion and they crack me up. Sometimes it's funny until it's not, and there are parts of this book (for some, the whole book) that are not going to be funny. There are plenty of 4-5 star reviews for this book (and that's how I ended up choosing it from Book of the Month Club). This is for those who want to read a review with a lower amount of stars.

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This is my "raising children" section, and whether one would normally pick up this book to read or not, it really has some family stories to get a parent thinking. If you only read books on your "acceptable" list, books that probably say what you think anyway, then you're not going to be challenged to think through your parental practices. This book can give you a chance to think through how you feel about tough love, how you feel about people changing, how you feel about life now and life in the future. It's somewhat like being immersed in one's own culture, one can't see where your culture misses the mark, but go to another culture, and you see with different eyes. Still, there are parts that will gross out some readers (me included). I would like to say that we raised our children not to be gross, but...family.
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On a more serious note, spiritual transformation. I have to wonder, without casting stones because I have to practice how to avoid this as well, whether or not the incident with Sedaris's sister had anything at all to do with image management. Was it tough love or was Sedaris concerned about what his sister would do in front of all those people if he let her in? I'm not sure I know of any adults who are totally oblivious when it comes to their images. How people see us matters a lot to us. Before I went through a spiritual formation institute (this one at Renovaré), I had never heard of a practice to learn indirectly how to push back against image management when it truly mattered. One practice is not to go back and fix an email or a media post when the reason to fix it would be to fix one's image. If autocorrect really messed up something, then, yes, by all means, editing is called for; however, there are times when what we need to practice is to practice truly being kind not just our image of being kind.

Lamenting (Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance)

The diversity of my spring/summer reading selections boggles my mind.

The book Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance was thrown into the mix by my library book discussion group. Most of the time when the group chooses a memoir, I don't make it to the end. Vance's book broke that pattern. That doesn't mean I'm giving it five stars (I've vacillated between 3 and 4 stars), but I did finish it within three days of reading and parts of his story resonated with me.

An elegy is a lament, and I'm not so sure this book is a lament as much as it is a cry for help. Reviewers disagree about the value of the book and, as usual, the ratings depend on how they take the book personally.

Connections for me revolved around whether conclusions Vance made could happen in my community and, if I had a similar background with a different result, what made my life different from Vance's?

On page 56, Vance comments on students and college that applied to my life, and I wasn't born or raised anywhere near Appalachia. "To move up was to move on. That required going to college. And yet there was no sense that failing to achieve higher education would bring shame or any other consequences. The message wasn't explicit; teachers didn't tell us that we were too stupid or poor to make it. Nevertheless, it was all around us, like the air we breathed: No one in our families had gone to college..."(56). Not a single counselor or teacher talked to me about getting into college. I did all the work myself (and very poorly). I was an intelligent person who read a lot, but never knew how to study to get good grades. Thankfully, I had access to a community college and it was there that grades began to matter to me. I didn't think about "moving up"; I thought about having that college degree and proving that I had worth.

This memoir (one reviewer questioned calling it a memoir when the author is thirty-one!) is a must read for Christ-followers who care about making a difference. On page 96, Vance discusses: "Many of the sermons I heard spent as much time criticizing other Christians as anything else...My new faith had put me on the lookout for heretics. Good friends who interpreted parts of the Bible differently were bad influencers...All of this talk about Christians who weren't Christian enough, secularists indoctrinating our youth, art exhibits insulting our faith, and persecution by the elites made the world a scary and foreign place" (97).

Vance's thoughts on Marine Corps boot camp, I believe, hold a key to some solutions: "Marine Corps boot camp, with its barrage of challenges big and small, began to teach me I had underestimated myself", and this -- "...I had never felt empowered--never believed that I had the ability and the responsibility to care for those I loved" (163, 167). The Corps taught him how to compare banks and shop for loans (175). Just as with college preparation, no one at school taught lower middle class students like myself how to do finances. Vance states: "I'm not saying ability doesn't matter. It certainly helps. But there's something powerful about realizing that you've undersold yourself--that somehow your mind confused lack of effort for inability. This is why, whenever, people ask me what I'd most like to change about the white working class, I say, 'The feeling that our choices don't matter" (177). There's no reason to put forth effort if one thinks effort does not change the circumstances.

This may be the difference between the community and family of Vance and my family. My family background may be one of times of poverty, but they were (and some still are) farmers. Farmers know that they may not be able to control the weather, but they can control tilling the soil, putting seed in the ground, and tending to crops and farm animals. One's effort makes a difference.

I'm a bit surprised that I don't want to buy the book as it does have statements I'd like to remember: "I don't believe in epiphanies. I don't believe in transformative moments, as transformation is harder than a moment. I've seen far too many people awash in a genuine desire to change only to lose their mettle when they realized just how difficult change actually is" (173). Vance writes: "We're more socially isolated than ever, and we pass that isolation down to our children. Our religion has changed--built around churches heavy on emotional rhetoric but light on the kind of social support necessary to enable poor kids to do well" (4). Thought-provoking.

I almost titled my blog post: "Politicking" as the book was later used to explain election results. The emails Vance cites on pages 192-193, I have seen and had discussions with relatively upscale family members and their friends who believed fake news and conspiracy theories. One's culture lives on no matter how little or how much money one earns. Also, reviewers have castigated Vance's book saying they believe it is his way to begin a run for public office. Is a person more noble who doesn't plan to go into public office but just seemingly "falls" into it? I ended up liking Vance and his wife and the decisions they make. This book is definitely a great discussion group book choice.

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Too often when parents and others start discussing "consequences", the topic is tied to consequences for one's naughty actions. What about consequences of perseverance and practicing and taking risks and failing yet trying again? Researcher Carol Dweck's work in growth mindset is excellent for learning how to teach children the "power of believing that you can improve".

Dweck's work wasn't around when I was raising my children; however, we did believe that our efforts could change circumstances. We may not have farmed, but we did garden.

What can you and I continue to do to help others know that they can persevere, practice, take risks and fail yet try again?

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See above. I don't know that I believe all transformation is harder than a moment, but I do believe transformation comes with daily moments. As Dallas Willard often said or wrote, and I paraphrase him, "indirectly doing practices which enable us to do that which we have not been able to do by our own direct effort." Vance could not in one direct moment overcome his cultural belief that his efforts did not have an impact on consequences yet the Corps taught him moment by moment he could keep his room clean, keep his hair cut, iron his uniforms, run not only a mile continuously but, in the end, three miles continuously, fail and be able to try again.

As Dallas wrote in The Great Omission: "Grace is not opposed to effort, it is opposed to earning. Earning is an attitude. Grace, you know, does not just have to do with forgiveness of sins alone" (61).  

Eating and Healing (Plant Paradox by Steven R. Gundry, MD)

Interestingly, I have been all over the map with rating this book. I'm going to settle for a three star rating. My decision mostly came after trying out the protocol, reading a host of other healing/eating protocol books, and reading critiques of Gundry's protocol in his book The Plant Paradox.

First of all, my gut reaction: some suggestions on Gundry's protocol, my gut liked and some my gut did not. That's the physical gut reaction. Gundry uses coconut products instead of traditional flours and oils, and, unfortunately for me, I do not do well with coconut flours, milks, and oils. I get intense cramps, but that may be a topic for another day.

His protocol is difficult to stay on, but then again, so are some other healing/eating protocols suggested by other doctors and authors. What I have started looking for and have continued to look for are the commonalities in the various dietary protocols and healing books. I also pay attention to how my own body reacts to individual food items. If I feel well, then the food may be something I keep. If I react badly, then no matter how much a researcher/doctor/author proclaims it, that particular food item needs to eliminated from my pantry.

Noting the negatives and positives of the book, Gundry's continual references to millions of years ago, our ancestors did not eat (fill in the blank) annoys me. Also, his attempts at humorously discussing bowel movements don't seem all that humorous to me. On the other hand, reviewers have mentioned his making money off of his supplements. Those type of situations do raise red flags for me; however,  to his credit, Gundry mentions his supplements, but then he also tells the readers how they can buy inexpensive versions at Costco (a large wholesale warehouse place to buy just about everything) or at local markets.

I originally checked out this book from the library because my sisters recommended it after we read Dr. Bredesen's book The End of Alzheimer's. You can check out my review of that book here or here.

I think the book is worth reading with a grain of salt (make mine iodized sea salt), keeping in mind one's own body reactions and the other protocols out there. The common thread throughout all of them is that we (at least North Americans) eat way too much sugar and way too much processed food. I'll include links to a couple of serious critiques of Gundry's methodology with the caveat that these authors/medical folks also have critics (and are also selling their own products). Yet, people are getting healed and feeling better. I feel better, but I'm also glad to read the critiques of Gundry's protocol as a reminder to me to not accept without question the food items Gundry says to eat or not eat. Instead, I will be paying attention to my body and my blood counts and tests.

A commentary on 'The Plant Paradox' and another link to a doctor who has been free of Lupus for thirteen years.

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I do not regret limiting the amount of sugar which my older children ate while growing up. By the time I had the fourth one, I became a bit more lenient. However, the older ones have grown up and still do not eat a lot of sugar. I'm realizing now that the early years of eating are formative years.

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Here in my spiritual formation section, I'll go back to something I've written before: our spiritual life involves every part of us -- mind, body, heart, soul. It is a good spiritual practice to pay attention to our bodies. Gluttony is not good for our body, heart, mind, or soul. Neither are any of the eating disorders. Why we are eating or not eating matters as much as what we are eating. Good food, good company, good celebrations. As Tevye says in The Fiddler on the Roof, "L'Chaim!" To life. Or, as I just discovered in a Jewish question and answer post: "l'chaim tovim ul'shalom" -- "For good life, and for peace!" 

This Isn't the God I Grew Up With Pt.1 (Joyful Journey Listening to Immanuel)

"This Isn't the God I Grew Up With" has been a title in my draft posts for awhile. When I read Joyful Journey Listening to Immanuel (by E. James Wilder, Anna Lang, John Loppnow, and Sungshim Loppnow), I knew I wanted to pair the title with the book review. However, as I wrote, I discovered the thoughts behind the title were too many for one post coupled with a book review. Therefore, I'll start with a short review (so I can copy onto Goodreads easily), and then follow up with how the God (god?) I grew up with would have compromised the practice of Immanuel journaling.

Joyful Journey is a fantastic personal growth / transformational book. My only complaint was the cost for such a slim book but then I found out I could have bought it for a better price directly from Life Model Works (see also the JoyStartsHere website). Life Model Works joins brain science with spiritual life and scripture. This particular book walks the reader through improving awareness that God is with us, God is good, and God is willing to help us. The fourth chapter guides the readers through what to do with the disconnect that comes through trauma and intense emotions. The steps in journaling start in chapter five although I was introduced first to the journaling aspect of Joyful Journey. One more general comment: the authors address both fears within the Christian community ("Are you sure this is scriptural?") and the connections to what we are learning about the brain. Essentially we have a Creator who designed our brains for connection -- "neurologists are even identifying that there is a region in our prefrontal cortex in charge of how we conduct ourselves that is nourished and developed best in this environment of loving relationships. Through these connections we actually become our true selves as God originally intended. We are able to have meaningful relationships and develop our brains and minds for success and abundance through loving connections" (11).

Chapter Six develops Immanuel journaling within community and with community, the practice of "shalom check". Shalom check can help guide the journaler in knowing if this is "the right relationship, at the right time, in the right place, at the right strength and in the right amount" to share with people (52). Also, I find it a good check for knowing those same qualities of God's peace, shalom, for myself and my actions, my journaling. The authors' checklist for shalom include:

Do I feel peacefully calm? (This topic "fits" together correctly now.) 
Am I sensing God's loving presence? (Underlining mine.)
Am I confident that nothing can take me away from God's love? 
Am I portraying my weakness accurately? 
Am I still sensing God's interactive presence in my painful memory? 
Have my joy, peace, and hope increased? 
Has my desire to love and serve others increased? (54).

This checklist would have invalidated the view of God which I grew up with. As I walk through Immanuel journaling, thankfulness fits in with most views of God. Sometimes that thankfulness is more along the lines of "Thank you for not squashing me like a bug today" than along the lines of "Thank you for the the beauty surrounding me" but gratitude is usually a given. The authors do make the connection between gratitude and the control center of the brain on the right hand side (34-45); however, if gratitude is impossible at the moment because our relational circuits (RCs) are off (covered in chapter four), then starting with what God sees in our body and what God hears from us, and stating to ourselves that God is with us (Immanuel), God wants to be with us, is a first step to restoring relational circuits.

Here is where I would have hit a roadblock with the god I grew up with. God did NOT want to be with me when I was a bad girl, an angry child (or adult). The god I grew up with stopped listening to me if I started to whine or complain. Basically, the god I grew up with resembled either Zeus (capricious and wrathful) or Santa Claus ("He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!" -- Or you're going to get coal in your Christmas stocking) or  George Burns (Oh, God! 1977 movie with Burns portraying God as an old man who expects actor John Denver to deliver God's message to the human race that they have everything they need and so the human race needs to get on with life).

Those gods are not going to be interested in me hearing the words: My dear child...my beloved...I delight in you...

If those gods saw me, they're going to throttle me; if they hear what I'm thinking, I'm going to get punished and sent to my room for sure. God gives his beloved sleep; therefore, if I don't sleep, I must have done something wrong. Even worse, as this happened to be the conversation among childhood friends this past week (No, I did not bring it up!), one dear friend had been told that God sent her illnesses because she must have done something bad. I wish this were an uncommon thought; however, another writer/teacher was told the same thing when his daughter was born with a defect that took her life at a young age.

Now I know and trust that God who sees me and hears me, loves me and understands me, wants to be with me, wants to do something about what I am going through. It may not be what I think I want in the moment, and I've lived long enough now to know that when I think I am right, I'm not always right (see below in the heart section).

Interestingly, I did an exercise this past week of drawing with my non-dominant hand my earliest thoughts of God. Surprisingly, the pictures were not the same as my pictures of God that I learned as I grew up! My earliest pictures were of a smiling Jesus with arms stretched out or of a picture on my best friend's wall. Two children crossing a bridge with God protecting them which as I write this, I realize that it actually must have been a guardian angel; however, that was my picture of God: protecting me and opening up arms to me.

Now I know and trust that when Jesus says to his disciples: "If you have seen me, you have seen the Father (God)" that is to be my picture of God. The 1 Corinthians 13 passage so often recited at weddings is a picture of God. Those attributes are the attributes of God. Anything less is not God.

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I so regret as I raised my children that I raised them in the way I was taught, not by my mother necessarily, but by some well-meaning women, who might have said, "God is love" but their version of love was fairly strict. An example that stands out in my mind is children do not get out of bed or out of the playpen just because they are crying. I'm fine with an overtired child crying for a brief time because when he or she is overtired, then no amount of attention is going to stop the crying. In fact, the attention may just keep the child from getting the sleep needed. But, if mom is trying to be perfect to please God, you can imagine what that mother's children will go through. I thought I was so right just as the women who taught me thought they were so right. I wonder now how many children have a picture of a Santa Claus god who "sees them when they're sleeping; he knows when you're awake; he knows if you've been good or bad, so be good for goodness sake!"

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As a spiritual formational practice, place your bible in front of you opened to 1 Corinthians 13. As you journal, picture God loving you, being patient with and kind to you, not dishonoring you, not easily angered with you. Yes, God does not delight in evil, but you can admit your weaknesses, and God, whether you are at the place of admitting all or not in that place yet, God protects you, teaches you how to trust, how to hope, how to persevere. Where it looks like God has not protected you or your loved ones, God will be with you in that trauma and suffering. I know that this can cause people to either not believe in God or to hate God, but I've never gone that direction because 1) I've had too many times of experiencing the unseeable God who calls me "beloved child" "delightful one" even when, especially when, I fail,  and 2) I can not figure out how we could have a perfectly good world without God making everyone a robot type of person with no choices.