Wednesday, December 12, 2012

We Begin Again, and Again, and Again

Two years ago on 12/10/10, I responded to Frank Laubach's devotional entries -- entries he wrote as he sought to be conscious of God every moment of every day. I thought 12/10/12 would be a good day to begin yet again. As is fitting to the title of this blog, I failed in my attempt. I attempted 12/11/12...and failed. So, on this special day of 12/12/12, I begin again.

As I re-read what I wrote then, I was dismayed that it has been two years and I still struggle with some of the same issues. The thought that it took two whole years to extricate myself from too many activities disheartens me. And, I don't think I have conquered the area of distractions at all.

It has also been two years of roller coaster consciousness of God every moment. There have been times when I am flying high, but yesterday as I read Laubach's published excerpt from Jan. 3, I realized the only windows I had opened up that day were windows to potential frustration and annoyance. Then, I read through his entry several times. While I castigated myself for falling so far from the joy that he expressed in this entry, I also sensed the windows of frustration shutting down and the windows to God opening up. I chose to look out of His window and it made all the difference in how my day ended. God is a God of new beginnings: His mercies are new every morning.

He is also a God of perfect timing. As I fretted about the thought of writing down entries that seemed more fit for a personal diary, He directed my eyes to words from Laubach I had included on 12/10/10: "In defense of opening my soul and laying it bare to the public gaze in this fashion, I may say that it seems to me that we really seldom do anybody much good excepting as we share the deepest experiences of our souls in this way."

Here then is (another) first entry in the writing down of this (my) particular soul adventure.