This Isn't the God I Grew Up With Pt.1 (Joyful Journey Listening to Immanuel)

"This Isn't the God I Grew Up With" has been a title in my draft posts for awhile. When I read Joyful Journey Listening to Immanuel (by E. James Wilder, Anna Lang, John Loppnow, and Sungshim Loppnow), I knew I wanted to pair the title with the book review. However, as I wrote, I discovered the thoughts behind the title were too many for one post coupled with a book review. Therefore, I'll start with a short review (so I can copy onto Goodreads easily), and then follow up with how the God (god?) I grew up with would have compromised the practice of Immanuel journaling.

Joyful Journey is a fantastic personal growth / transformational book. My only complaint was the cost for such a slim book but then I found out I could have bought it for a better price directly from Life Model Works (see also the JoyStartsHere website). Life Model Works joins brain science with spiritual life and scripture. This particular book walks the reader through improving awareness that God is with us, God is good, and God is willing to help us. The fourth chapter guides the readers through what to do with the disconnect that comes through trauma and intense emotions. The steps in journaling start in chapter five although I was introduced first to the journaling aspect of Joyful Journey. One more general comment: the authors address both fears within the Christian community ("Are you sure this is scriptural?") and the connections to what we are learning about the brain. Essentially we have a Creator who designed our brains for connection -- "neurologists are even identifying that there is a region in our prefrontal cortex in charge of how we conduct ourselves that is nourished and developed best in this environment of loving relationships. Through these connections we actually become our true selves as God originally intended. We are able to have meaningful relationships and develop our brains and minds for success and abundance through loving connections" (11).

Chapter Six develops Immanuel journaling within community and with community, the practice of "shalom check". Shalom check can help guide the journaler in knowing if this is "the right relationship, at the right time, in the right place, at the right strength and in the right amount" to share with people (52). Also, I find it a good check for knowing those same qualities of God's peace, shalom, for myself and my actions, my journaling. The authors' checklist for shalom include:

Do I feel peacefully calm? (This topic "fits" together correctly now.) 
Am I sensing God's loving presence? (Underlining mine.)
Am I confident that nothing can take me away from God's love? 
Am I portraying my weakness accurately? 
Am I still sensing God's interactive presence in my painful memory? 
Have my joy, peace, and hope increased? 
Has my desire to love and serve others increased? (54).

This checklist would have invalidated the view of God which I grew up with. As I walk through Immanuel journaling, thankfulness fits in with most views of God. Sometimes that thankfulness is more along the lines of "Thank you for not squashing me like a bug today" than along the lines of "Thank you for the the beauty surrounding me" but gratitude is usually a given. The authors do make the connection between gratitude and the control center of the brain on the right hand side (34-45); however, if gratitude is impossible at the moment because our relational circuits (RCs) are off (covered in chapter four), then starting with what God sees in our body and what God hears from us, and stating to ourselves that God is with us (Immanuel), God wants to be with us, is a first step to restoring relational circuits.

Here is where I would have hit a roadblock with the god I grew up with. God did NOT want to be with me when I was a bad girl, an angry child (or adult). The god I grew up with stopped listening to me if I started to whine or complain. Basically, the god I grew up with resembled either Zeus (capricious and wrathful) or Santa Claus ("He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!" -- Or you're going to get coal in your Christmas stocking) or  George Burns (Oh, God! 1977 movie with Burns portraying God as an old man who expects actor John Denver to deliver God's message to the human race that they have everything they need and so the human race needs to get on with life).

Those gods are not going to be interested in me hearing the words: My dear child...my beloved...I delight in you...

If those gods saw me, they're going to throttle me; if they hear what I'm thinking, I'm going to get punished and sent to my room for sure. God gives his beloved sleep; therefore, if I don't sleep, I must have done something wrong. Even worse, as this happened to be the conversation among childhood friends this past week (No, I did not bring it up!), one dear friend had been told that God sent her illnesses because she must have done something bad. I wish this were an uncommon thought; however, another writer/teacher was told the same thing when his daughter was born with a defect that took her life at a young age.

Now I know and trust that God who sees me and hears me, loves me and understands me, wants to be with me, wants to do something about what I am going through. It may not be what I think I want in the moment, and I've lived long enough now to know that when I think I am right, I'm not always right (see below in the heart section).

Interestingly, I did an exercise this past week of drawing with my non-dominant hand my earliest thoughts of God. Surprisingly, the pictures were not the same as my pictures of God that I learned as I grew up! My earliest pictures were of a smiling Jesus with arms stretched out or of a picture on my best friend's wall. Two children crossing a bridge with God protecting them which as I write this, I realize that it actually must have been a guardian angel; however, that was my picture of God: protecting me and opening up arms to me.

Now I know and trust that when Jesus says to his disciples: "If you have seen me, you have seen the Father (God)" that is to be my picture of God. The 1 Corinthians 13 passage so often recited at weddings is a picture of God. Those attributes are the attributes of God. Anything less is not God.

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I so regret as I raised my children that I raised them in the way I was taught, not by my mother necessarily, but by some well-meaning women, who might have said, "God is love" but their version of love was fairly strict. An example that stands out in my mind is children do not get out of bed or out of the playpen just because they are crying. I'm fine with an overtired child crying for a brief time because when he or she is overtired, then no amount of attention is going to stop the crying. In fact, the attention may just keep the child from getting the sleep needed. But, if mom is trying to be perfect to please God, you can imagine what that mother's children will go through. I thought I was so right just as the women who taught me thought they were so right. I wonder now how many children have a picture of a Santa Claus god who "sees them when they're sleeping; he knows when you're awake; he knows if you've been good or bad, so be good for goodness sake!"

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As a spiritual formational practice, place your bible in front of you opened to 1 Corinthians 13. As you journal, picture God loving you, being patient with and kind to you, not dishonoring you, not easily angered with you. Yes, God does not delight in evil, but you can admit your weaknesses, and God, whether you are at the place of admitting all or not in that place yet, God protects you, teaches you how to trust, how to hope, how to persevere. Where it looks like God has not protected you or your loved ones, God will be with you in that trauma and suffering. I know that this can cause people to either not believe in God or to hate God, but I've never gone that direction because 1) I've had too many times of experiencing the unseeable God who calls me "beloved child" "delightful one" even when, especially when, I fail,  and 2) I can not figure out how we could have a perfectly good world without God making everyone a robot type of person with no choices.

Our Joy is Daily; Our Joy is Full -- The Third Day of Christmas

Our wise men / kings / Magi travel after Christmas to symbolize that their journey happened after Jesus was born and Mary and Joseph were in some sort of housing. Sometimes there are presents on "Little Christmas" -- the grandchildren always hope so.

This one apparently has to deal with a horse…and, ahem, dust. I could write that it represents desert sands, but basically it tells the story of a woman who would rather read the books on her bookshelves than dust said shelves.

Yes, we have three. Not because we know there were three (we do not, but we know there were at least two), but because the set came with three. :D And, all of them are currently traveling past many words. Wise men throughout the centuries have traveled through many words. Only one was THE WORD.

A man wrote of the Word and his name was John. Today is the the Feast Day of John. I don't want to lead you into thinking I necessarily celebrate feast days of the saints, but I have family and friends who do. Since I have my own feast days (two as a matter of fact: Birthday and Mother's Day), I think it rather cool (no one says "cool" anymore, do they?) to celebrate John's day.

John preached a Christmas sermon; although, it's not titled that in my Bible.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made. In Him was life, and the life was the light of men"  (John 1:1-4).

"And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth. John bore witness of Him and cried out, saying, "This was He of whom I said, 'He who comes after me is preferred before me, for He was before me.'" And of His fullness we have all received and grace for grace. For the law was given through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ" (John 1:14-17).

Boom! (As my granddaughter would say…I think it means "Super cool" or "There! Beat that!")

Jesus: there from the beginning, God, all things made through Him, life, light, the Word became flesh. He came as a baby, grew up, dwelt among us and John and the rest beheld His glory, full of grace and truth. Grace and truth, beautiful words; beautiful Word.

John wanted us to know how they saw Him, how they heard Him.

"That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon, and our hands have handled, concerning the Word of life -- the life was manifested, and we have seen, and bear witness, and declare to you that eternal life which was with the Father and was manifested to us -- that which we have seen and heard we declare to you, that you also may have fellowship with us; and truly our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ. And these things we write to you that your joy may be full" (1 John 1: 1-4).

They saw Jesus, fully human, fully God, and John writes so that our joy may be full. Our joy doesn't end on Christmas Day. Our joy is daily; our joy is full.

In the beginning of this blogging adventure, I intended to connect with Frank Laubach's letters -- sometimes that has worked out, sometimes not. But, today, I will end with comments from the twelfth of October and the twenty-second of September:

"How I wish, wish, wish that a dozen or more persons who are trying the experiment of holding God endlessly in mind would all write their experiences so that each would know what the other was finding as a result! The results, I think, would astound the world." 

"We have got to saturate ourselves with the rainbows and the sunset marvels in order to radiate them. It is as much our duty to live in the beauty of the presence of God on some mount of transfiguration until we become [bright] with Christ as it is for us to go down where they grope, and grovel, and groan and lift them to new life. After all the deepest truth is that the Christlike life is glorious, undefeatably glorious." 

The Lord is My Shepherd -- Joy on Day 21 of Advent

This is the envelope for one of my Christmas cards. It's beautiful. The entire card was designed by Susan Winget for the Lang company (no relationship, but I wish I was related -- I love their products).

Before I leave the Shepherds' Candle, and move on tomorrow to the Angels' Candle, I am reminded that the Lord is my shepherd.

My view of God is not meant to stay on Jesus as a baby, one sign that in His full divinity, He is also fully human. Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and was the perfect Shepherd. "I am the good Shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep" (John 10:11).

Psalm 23 (22 in some of my international friends' Bibles) -- "The Lord is My Shepherd" is often said at services for the dead, but it is too often not remembered as a psalm for living joyfully here and now. A couple months ago, my classmates and I were challenged to make this psalm our own. I used to have my own students do this with poetry -- to write a poem modeled after the poem of some famous poet. It helped them not only write poetry but also to understand what the poet was saying.

I've received the forwarded emails about "Jesus is my shepherd; now that's relationship", and on through the psalm. The email somewhat does the analytical work for me. Exercises like these also make me realize that Jesus is not just a literal shepherd making me lie down in literal green pastures. He is 100 percent skillful at any job, and He is available to help me!

A friend knew I was struggling with some traveling issues. This is what she sent back to me:

"The Lord is my chauffeur. I am in utterly safe hands. He knows where I need to be; yet, he never hurries me. He helps me get myself together. He is unerring in his choice of road. In fact, he is famous for it. Even if I were caught up in a huge traffic jam or an accident, I would not have to worry for he always makes my ultimate welfare his priority. He would be there to calm me down and show me the right thing to do next. He packs an amazing picnic and lays it out in style. He always treats me with courtesy and respect--even in front of people who do not. He does more than I can ever ask of him. I know that I can rely on his capable and caring attention 24/7 and that I will travel with him always." (Thanks, Alison!)

What do you and I need help with today from our good shepherd, our chauffeur, our executive CEO, our Mother's Helper, our God who knows us and loves us and calls us His beloved sheep? He is there for us. "In His presence is the fullness of joy."

God Loves Nobodies -- Joy on Day 20 of Advent

I'm nobody! Who are you? 

Are you nobody, too? 

Then there's a pair of us -- don't tell! 

They'd banish us, you know. 

I've always loved this Emily Dickinson poem. Maybe that wouldn't be the case if I was a Somebody. However, as I was reviewing the Christmas story, I realized who God called to the major roles in this story: Women in a time and place when women were nobodies (and even today, a teenage girl and old woman do not hold the highest status) and shepherds (do you know any shepherds making front page news?). 

Granted, Joseph and Zacharias (Elisabeth's husband) are definitely a part of the story, but really most of the speaking parts (pardon my pun) go to Mary and Elisabeth. And, let's talk about Mary and Joseph's relationship with his family. They travel approximately 85 miles to be taxed in his own city because Joseph was "of the house and lineage of David" and the "city of David is called Bethlehem." Now, all of his family could have moved away, but then that means they would all need to return to Bethlehem also to be taxed, wouldn't it? Were all of his family members dead? Why am I asking this? Because Mary winds up giving birth in a stable! If you have family members who would put you up in the equivalent of a stable when you come to town for Christmas Day, then just consider yourself in good company. 

Next point: A heavenly host of angels (this means an army of angels) come to announce the birth of our Saviour, Christ the Lord, first to…shepherds. Think about it. This year we have seen the birth of a future king of England, and I guarantee the announcement of the birth did not go first to shepherds. 

God loves nobodies. He delights in taking the most unlikely people and transforming their lives. When Jesus gives his sermon on the mountain (Matthew 5), he shocks the established religious leaders. He is speaking before a multitude of nobodies, and he essentially says to them: the kingdom of heaven is for you. You don't have to be a rabbi or a Pharisee or a Sadducee or wealthy. You're poor in spirit, but I've come to bring you life. You are grieving, and I have come to comfort you. You are without power, and I've come to strengthen you. 

You are a nobody, but I am not banishing you. I'm here to love you. I'm here to give you the kingdom of God. I'm here to give you a purpose and reason for your life. You are my beloved child. 

I was going to tie this in to Frank Laubach (who was essentially a nobody -- a lonely missionary on the field who met God in an amazingly intimate way, wrote about it, and now years later, his letters bless us as they call us into that incredible relationship with God), but I'm going to just finish with two pictures: one of one of my beloved children, when he was little, just having great joy in building a snowman, and years later, when I was at my dad's in New Hampshire, just a little snow fell, and I rushed out, a nobody dressed in hiking boots, pajamas and robe, covered with a coat, just to feel the joy of being in the snow and building a snowman. 

Joy to you! Joy to the World! Our Lord has come!

Get Out of My Way; You're Blocking My Joy! -- Day 19 of Advent

Poor Mary and Joseph! Yesterday they finally made it down the hallway only to be blocked. Sometimes my journey to joy feels this way. I finally get somewhere and something (or someone!) is blocking my path…or at least that's the way it feels. Actually, this gate is protecting Mary and Joseph from the wild beast (aka the dog).

Don't they look so free today? However, I have had to rescue them multiple times from being eaten or rocked over (as they stand/kneel at the base of the rocking chair). At Christmas time I am more aware of how I count on life to be "perfect" before I can be joyful. God tells me to "slow down" and "be present" to people, and I see this as an obstacle, just like the gate above. After all, I am rushing to the next joyful experience.

In my case today, I was rushing to get the best seat (aka cafeteria bench) in the house to watch my granddaughter's play. She was the princess with her own solo -- proud grandma moment and no one, I mean NO ONE was going to get in my way of joyfully video-tapping her 15 minutes of fame. Of course, this would be the morning I was running late. I had to get the dog out to her dog run / outdoor kennel, and I was rushing. You're expecting this story to get gruesome, aren't you? No. Not this year. Last year, I had the same situation except I was rushing to get over to the post office where I was ringing the bells for the Salvation Army collection. Last year, I tripped and fell first hitting my knee (which I thought I broke), then my wrist (which I thought I broke), and finally my nose and mouth (which I thought I broke). Nothing was broken, but my lips were swollen three times their actual size and I rang the bells in that shape. (I must say I collected more money than I had ever done before!) I remembered that fall and the pain as my rushing turned into a slow walk. And, I made it just fine to my granddaughter's performance. In fact, the people who were a lot later than I was made it just fine to the performance and everyone was able to see. No need for pushing and shoving.

Interestingly, I also remembered a friend who blogged about wasting so much time with the video equipment that she really did not "see" her child. So, I tried diligently to just hold up the camera but to look, really look, with my eyes at my granddaughter and her class. It truly is possible to slow down, be present, and have joy all at the same time. I could name other "obstacles" but I think you get the picture…and I'll keep this short today. I know you have much to accomplish today, just like I do. Let's have some joy while we are at it. 

Practical Joy -- Day 18 of Advent

One word and image kept popping up in my mind as I read Frank Laubach's letters, as I thought of the journey of the shepherds, as I watch my granddaughters move Mary and Joseph ever closer to their destination -- "Walking." With that word and image, I decided to write a practical post today. When we say "practical," we often mean "useful, get it done, activities." I hope my previous posts have been useful, but they have tended to focus on my goals or my attitude -- what I choose to think upon. I want to use the simpler definition of practical -- "of or pertaining to practice or action" -- in this case the action of walking, of slowing down…Oops! Maybe I should not have written that last phrase. We are busily trying to finish up whatever we need to finish up before Christmas Day arrives. All Mary and Joseph had to do was walk to Bethlehem, nine months pregnant no less.

There's something about walking that is good for the heart, both the physical heart and the emotional heart. I don't mean the kind of power walking that is really running but keeping legs fairly straight, feet on the ground so that one can be first in line without the teacher yelling, "No running!" Or, so that one can be first to the checkout stand. Yesterday I was in an "everything you can think of to buy" store, and the lines were long and getting longer. A checkout stand opened up, and the man standing in the line next to me said to me, "Go ahead. I'm retired. I can wait." At that moment about 15 people (with their carts) started rushing to get to the open stand. I replied, "You know, I've found out that I'm in a much better mood if I just be patient." I don't need to move at the pace of a snail, but whenever I find my heart racing and my mood turning sour, I know that I need to slow down my pace.

The picture above shows where I normally walk around a small local lake. The lake is not full right now; in fact, currently I walk around a dry lake bed. Still, just getting out to walk brings back peace and joy into my life. When I had four children underfoot at home, I could still get out by way of backpacks and strollers to walk around the block. In Russia, it was a joy to walk the little ones around the block.

I have no night time walking pictures to show you, so you will have to imagine Mary and Joseph who are often shown walking at night, and the shepherds hurrying off to Bethlehem after their night time wake up call by the angels (but, honestly, how fast can one walk with sheep -- fast, but surely not running), and Frank Laubach as he walks and talks with God in the cool of the evening.

"I have just returned from a walk alone, a walk so wonderful that I feel like reducing it to a universal rule, that all people ought to take a walk every evening all alone where they can talk aloud without being heard by anyone, and that during this entire walk they all ought to talk with God, allowing Him to use their tongue to talk back -- and letting God do most of the talking" (22 June 1930).

As a teacher of high schoolers, my mind automatically runs to the "but, Mrs. Lang…" comments. So, if you are unable to walk, can someone get you outside to sit? Can you look out a window? If you are bed-ridden, you are reading this on a computer; therefore, take a virtual walk or a walk within your memories as you listen to beautiful music. If I can (computer illiterate that I am), I will include a link to a beautiful song with piano and cello. Joy comes as we practice it.

Additional note: I could not figure out how to put the link within this post. However, I somehow managed to give it a post of its own, which will either be before this post or after it. (I choose joy…and will keep working with gaining more computer skills :D)

I Choose Joy -- Day 17 of Advent

I don't always choose joy. Instead of sleeping last night, I was worrying about what I was going to write today. I kept considering titles and tossing them aside. When I finally fell asleep, I dreamed that I had attended a Christmas party but forgot to bring a gift for the gift exchange. It was a restless night. If I had been one of the shepherds hearing the good news at night, I probably would have been worried about moving the sheep in the dark. I'm a morning person; I can see "joy comes in the morning," but "I bring you good news of great joy" in the middle of the night -- not usually.

I'm better at choosing joy than I used to be. That may not be saying much since I still fail so many times each day; nonetheless, I am making progress. If you have been reading this blog (thank you, Mom) and know that I have been trying to post everyday, you noticed I missed on Sunday and doubled up yesterday. It was tempting to look at how I failed. But I also had the option of choosing joy: I wrote 14 days in a row! That is a first for me. On Monday, I managed to eek out another post, and here I am again.

Already this week, I have had multiple times of choosing between joy and not-joy. The picture below is my Christmas tree. If you think this tree looks like it is planted outside, you are correct.

This tree has to come out of the ground because it is growing too close to the birch trees and too close to wires. Therefore, it might as well be our Christmas tree. However, those of us who celebrate Christmas on December 25 have only 8 days left to get presents under the tree. My tree is still outside. (I've tried to talk my family into January 7, to no avail.) Do I want to choose joy or not-joy?

To not choose joy is counter-productive. When I don't choose joy, my mind seems to be paralyzed by whatever it is that I'm upset about: a lost note, long lines to stand in, a long list with still much to do, and I end up accomplishing LESS than if I had chosen joy. When I choose joy, my circumstances may remain the same, but my mind, body, and heart are released from paralysis and can choose creativity and/or peace.

I want to close by returning to a couple of comments Frank Laubach makes in his letters. He notices time and time again how he thinks more clearly during those times when his mind is on God.

"This concentration upon God is strenuous, but everything else has ceased to be so. I think more clearly, I forget less frequently. Things which I did with a strain before, I now do easily and with no effort whatever. I worry about nothing, and lose no sleep. I walk on air a good part of the time. Even the mirror reveals a new light in my eyes and face. I no longer feel in a hurry about anything…Each minute I meet calmly…I find also that the effort to keep God in my mind does something to my mind which every mind needs to have done to it. I am given something difficult enough to keep my mind with a keen edge. The constant temptation of every man is to allow his mind to grow old and lose its edge. I feel that I am perhaps more lazy mentally than the average person, and I require the very mental discipline which this constant effort affords."

I choose Jesus. I choose joy. And, I find that my mind is more present. I find that my heart is lifted out of the doldrums, and my body can pick itself up and move -- even if it means walking in the middle of the night with sheep bleating toward a stable where a little baby lies wrapped in swaddling clothes. 

What Sign Will It Take For Us To Have Joy? -- Day 15 and 16 of Advent

This is where our shepherd and his sheep wait while Mary and Joseph journey to "Bethlehem" (aka fireplace mantle). Our lone shepherd keeps vigilant watch until good news comes to him.

"In that region there were shepherds living in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. Then an angel of the Lord stood before them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, 'Do not be afraid; for see -- I am bringing you good news of great joy for all the people: to you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign for you: you will find a child wrapped in bands of cloth and lying in a manger'" (Luke 2:8-12).

Obviously the shepherds' first thought was not good news of great joy when an angel stood before them. They were terrified. Yet, this week of Advent, we celebrate using the Shepherds' Candle -- the Candle of Joy. I am distracted as I write this. A little bird (pictured below) keeps flying into my window.

I've heard of birds flying into windows before, and I read that I should put up stickers so that they would know they were flying into a window (not that I thought my windows were so crystal clear). So, I did. Clearly, I posted a sign: "This is a window." The bird has continued to fly into it. I stood in front of the window. A sign: "People live here." I put the stickers on the outside of the  window. Maybe the bird is someone's escaped house bird. So, I tried to entice it. I tried capturing it. Nothing is working. I tried turning lights on in the house. I tried darkening the house. I tried chasing the bird away. Sign after sign. Your joy is not found in flying into this window. It is elsewhere, little bird.

Finally, silence. I cautiously look to see if the bird is lying on the ground. It is not, and I am thankful. Maybe this is just what I needed to write about today. How often do I ignore the signs? Something happens out of the ordinary, out of my comfort zone, maybe just out of my accustomed way of doing things, whether comfortable or not, and I am terrified. Then, I continue to insist on flying the route I want to fly instead of seeing all the signs: Good news of great joy -- go the way of your Savior, your Messiah, your Lord.