Lamenting (Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance)

The diversity of my spring/summer reading selections boggles my mind.

The book Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance was thrown into the mix by my library book discussion group. Most of the time when the group chooses a memoir, I don't make it to the end. Vance's book broke that pattern. That doesn't mean I'm giving it five stars (I've vacillated between 3 and 4 stars), but I did finish it within three days of reading and parts of his story resonated with me.

An elegy is a lament, and I'm not so sure this book is a lament as much as it is a cry for help. Reviewers disagree about the value of the book and, as usual, the ratings depend on how they take the book personally.

Connections for me revolved around whether conclusions Vance made could happen in my community and, if I had a similar background with a different result, what made my life different from Vance's?

On page 56, Vance comments on students and college that applied to my life, and I wasn't born or raised anywhere near Appalachia. "To move up was to move on. That required going to college. And yet there was no sense that failing to achieve higher education would bring shame or any other consequences. The message wasn't explicit; teachers didn't tell us that we were too stupid or poor to make it. Nevertheless, it was all around us, like the air we breathed: No one in our families had gone to college..."(56). Not a single counselor or teacher talked to me about getting into college. I did all the work myself (and very poorly). I was an intelligent person who read a lot, but never knew how to study to get good grades. Thankfully, I had access to a community college and it was there that grades began to matter to me. I didn't think about "moving up"; I thought about having that college degree and proving that I had worth.

This memoir (one reviewer questioned calling it a memoir when the author is thirty-one!) is a must read for Christ-followers who care about making a difference. On page 96, Vance discusses: "Many of the sermons I heard spent as much time criticizing other Christians as anything else...My new faith had put me on the lookout for heretics. Good friends who interpreted parts of the Bible differently were bad influencers...All of this talk about Christians who weren't Christian enough, secularists indoctrinating our youth, art exhibits insulting our faith, and persecution by the elites made the world a scary and foreign place" (97).

Vance's thoughts on Marine Corps boot camp, I believe, hold a key to some solutions: "Marine Corps boot camp, with its barrage of challenges big and small, began to teach me I had underestimated myself", and this -- "...I had never felt empowered--never believed that I had the ability and the responsibility to care for those I loved" (163, 167). The Corps taught him how to compare banks and shop for loans (175). Just as with college preparation, no one at school taught lower middle class students like myself how to do finances. Vance states: "I'm not saying ability doesn't matter. It certainly helps. But there's something powerful about realizing that you've undersold yourself--that somehow your mind confused lack of effort for inability. This is why, whenever, people ask me what I'd most like to change about the white working class, I say, 'The feeling that our choices don't matter" (177). There's no reason to put forth effort if one thinks effort does not change the circumstances.

This may be the difference between the community and family of Vance and my family. My family background may be one of times of poverty, but they were (and some still are) farmers. Farmers know that they may not be able to control the weather, but they can control tilling the soil, putting seed in the ground, and tending to crops and farm animals. One's effort makes a difference.

I'm a bit surprised that I don't want to buy the book as it does have statements I'd like to remember: "I don't believe in epiphanies. I don't believe in transformative moments, as transformation is harder than a moment. I've seen far too many people awash in a genuine desire to change only to lose their mettle when they realized just how difficult change actually is" (173). Vance writes: "We're more socially isolated than ever, and we pass that isolation down to our children. Our religion has changed--built around churches heavy on emotional rhetoric but light on the kind of social support necessary to enable poor kids to do well" (4). Thought-provoking.

I almost titled my blog post: "Politicking" as the book was later used to explain election results. The emails Vance cites on pages 192-193, I have seen and had discussions with relatively upscale family members and their friends who believed fake news and conspiracy theories. One's culture lives on no matter how little or how much money one earns. Also, reviewers have castigated Vance's book saying they believe it is his way to begin a run for public office. Is a person more noble who doesn't plan to go into public office but just seemingly "falls" into it? I ended up liking Vance and his wife and the decisions they make. This book is definitely a great discussion group book choice.

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Too often when parents and others start discussing "consequences", the topic is tied to consequences for one's naughty actions. What about consequences of perseverance and practicing and taking risks and failing yet trying again? Researcher Carol Dweck's work in growth mindset is excellent for learning how to teach children the "power of believing that you can improve".

Dweck's work wasn't around when I was raising my children; however, we did believe that our efforts could change circumstances. We may not have farmed, but we did garden.

What can you and I continue to do to help others know that they can persevere, practice, take risks and fail yet try again?

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See above. I don't know that I believe all transformation is harder than a moment, but I do believe transformation comes with daily moments. As Dallas Willard often said or wrote, and I paraphrase him, "indirectly doing practices which enable us to do that which we have not been able to do by our own direct effort." Vance could not in one direct moment overcome his cultural belief that his efforts did not have an impact on consequences yet the Corps taught him moment by moment he could keep his room clean, keep his hair cut, iron his uniforms, run not only a mile continuously but, in the end, three miles continuously, fail and be able to try again.

As Dallas wrote in The Great Omission: "Grace is not opposed to effort, it is opposed to earning. Earning is an attitude. Grace, you know, does not just have to do with forgiveness of sins alone" (61).  

Remembering: (Gypsy Triptych by Schoorl), Godparents, and Who Gets the Dogs

I must explain my rating of the book Gypsy Triptych (before I muse further on godparents and dogs), a book that would make an excellent reading group discussion choice. Jump to paragraph six to find out who I think might enjoy the book.

I don't hate the book; I don't even dislike the book. This issue is giving three, four, or five stars to a book written by a childhood friend, the daughter of my brother's godparents. As with my review of Tender at the Bone which indicated that a reader would either love the book or stop reading depending on whether one wanted recipes in a book, so too with Gypsy Triptych and dreams. This book will either be a reader's dream book or a nightmare.

Gypsy Triptych is a family friend's fictionalized memoir. The author indicates that there is fact amongst the fiction, and one reviewer found it intriguing to guess at which parts were fact and which were fiction. I did as well. I also enjoyed walking through my memories of the location (fact) and memories of Schoorl's family (much of it spot on -- accurate).

Another caveat for friends and family to whom this would matter: Schoorl writes, "I was a firm believer in the power of prayer, magic, dream, science, and reincarnation." Whether this is Schoorl herself, her character, or just a part of the dream it is written in, I do not know. Those who have read my blog before (or know me) know that I do not believe in reincarnation; however, I agree to disagree with authors and keep reading.

One reviewer mentioned some grammatical errors. Thankfully, the errors are not too numerous and there are some beautiful sentences such as "The sea looked so calm, like a prisoner who hides the secret torments of his life" and "He was deep in slumber, looking like he was sleeping off years of woe." One section involving the various homes where Schoorl's character (or Schoorl herself) lived in is a bit confusing. I can imagine the members of my local library book discussion group getting frustrated with keeping track of what is going on. I can understand. As it turns out, I am concurrently reading Henry Miller's Big Sur and the Oranges of Hieronymus Bosch, and Miller's memoirs equally jump around in sequencing so Schoorl is in good company with her writing style.

Regarding dreams, Schoorl comments, "I was accustomed to living this way with dream scenes decorating the walls of my mind, shy wallflowers, guests I myself invited." I did find the thought "I had been trying to dream with intention" a new thought that I tried myself later that night.

Who I think might enjoy the book -- those who are tired of reading typical memoirs (often ones I never finish reading -- let's drop names of everyone famous I have ever been in contact with and drone on and on or let me tell you my story which includes so much adventure and illegal activities that the book is more of a peep show than something that resonates with one's life), those who would enjoy dreams in a book, those who live in the San Bernardino County area or are interested in that area, those who have had second chances at love or are interested in second chances, those who are in book discussion groups.

I won't list all of the questions I think would be relevant to a group discussion (too many), but I will move on with something I found intriguing early on (pages 8-9): "Whenever it seemed that I would misremember and relate events from my childhood incorrectly, or that I didn't remember anything the same way my siblings did, I just reminded myself that they weren't gifted with better memories, but that it was rather quite natural for me to remember less since I was the youngest. I wasn't being incorrect intentionally. I focused on things that were important to me, not important to them. I remembered things that were in my line of vision."

In my line of vision as I read this book were Schoorl's descriptions of her parents who were my brother's godparents.

I look at these photos now and think "How young they were!" If something had happened to my parents, my brother (according to godparent tradition) would have gone to live with them. It was fascinating to think how his life would have changed. I think he still would have gone to college just as Schoorl and her sister did. His godparents were intellectuals who strongly believed in education. Would he have met my sister-in-law, a woman he met in high school and has been in love with since that time?

I was fourteen when the picture above of my brother and godparents was taken. Too young to take care of all my siblings, although as I grew older I wanted to do so if anything happened. Plenty happened -- the death of a marriage -- but not the death of my parents. My own godparent had forgotten that she was my godparent when we met up later in life. It wasn't memory loss, but merely the aspects of coming from a large extended family.

My aunt loved to travel and did it often, almost traveling to every part of the world so I know I would have kept something I have now: the love of traveling. I would have had a good life, and by good, I mean a life of loving God and loving others.

And, just to end with a cute dog picture: these are my granddogs although I doubt my daughter would call them that!

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I've started adding these little notes that my older self wished I could have told my younger parent self. My husband and I did not choose godparents for our children. I think I assumed my sisters would step up and take care of them. It is something to think about: choosing godparents and choosing in way that you can picture how your child or children would grow up with those parents.

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I've also started including practices for spiritual formation, for thriving. One thread that keeps running through Schoorl's book is the loneliness she felt growing up, something that surprised me given my family of seven lived down the street from Schoorl...until I recalled that we moved away while my siblings were still in elementary school which meant Schoorl also was still in elementary school. A good practice might be to look at one's community. Do you and I have a number of friends (enough to balance the loss of friends who move away or later in life, move into eternity) that we are willing to keep in contact with (more than Christmas cards)? 

Top Shelf with the Memories on the Left in the Bedroom -- Journals, Memoirs, and Writing, Oh My!

This is my second bookshelf post. For some people, this shelf on a bedroom hutch would not be for books. It would be for pictures or knick knacks. Not so in a reader's house. If you are a mom and here for a mom moment, skip down to the hearts. If you are interested in the spiritual practices side of this blog, skip down to the dotted lines. Those of you interested in brief synopses of the books, keep reading.

From left to right:
Streams in the Desert devotional journal -- not written in. I have this habit of buying beautiful journals and then not wanting to mar the pages. My original Streams in the Desert by L. B. Cowman is on the other side of the hutch, well used and well read.

I am Inspired reflections journal -- 15 pages written in while I was in Russia. It was a good choice for Russia as it is lightweight. Twice before I had traveled to Russia and not written down my thoughts when I was there. The experienced travelers say to reflect while you are on the journey or you will forget. I found this to be true, but difficult to implement. My last written words are in Russian. Unfortunately, I have dropped my practices and have forgotten much so I'm not sure what it says. Мы is "We"; Сару is probably Sarah, my daughter, with whom I was traveling. I know the last word is "house" and the next to the last, I think, is "old" and we were visiting an old, very old, house.
Мы двинули Сару к её новому дому.

What to do with the other pages? Sigh. I have many, many journals and a tendency to pick one up and start writing, no matter the date or subject. In other words, if my children or grandchildren ever read them, they will find the scope and sequencing way out of sync (out of order). I did have a idea for young moms (or anyone really), see 💕 below.

Live This Day a birthday book of questions and reflections -- not written in (are you sensing a pattern here?). I picked this up at a yard sale for 25 cents. I had grand plans of writing in it on my birthday every year, but I did not think about it two months ago.

Mere Christianity journal -- a beautiful leather journal (ahem, also not written in). I had bought one for one of my students as a graduation gift, liked it so much that I bought one for myself. There is a beautiful violet pressed inside.

All Shall Be Well by Paraclete Press -- colorful pages, quotes by saints of old (the cover quote by Hilda St. Clair), opportunities to draw and write, WRITTEN IN! I turn often to the first two pages. On one side is a quote by Teresa of Avila: "Let nothing disturb you. Let nothing frighten you. God alone is enough." On the other side are boxes in a variety of colors with these instructions: "Write your fears in each of these boxes. Now mark an X over each one and write underneath each one, "God is bigger than this." I have not literally filled in those boxes, but when I am fearful, I sometimes come to this page and mentally fill in the box, cross it out, and say to myself, "God is bigger than this." If you happened to read my post Magi-Community-Regrets-Resolutions, you will know that I took issue with those who respond to all situations with a blanket: God is enough. I responded, "God is enough AND God wants community." I still think that is true. I also know God is enough and bigger than all my fears. God also uses the community of saints (and sinners) to love me and strengthen me.

Writing About Your Life by William Zinsser -- I need all the help I can get. Obviously, what I need most is either the time or the will to sit down and start writing.

Old Friend from Far Away by Natalie Goldberg -- Yes, another "The Practice of Writing Memoir" Gulp, not written in. Yes, this is a "how-to" writing memories with actually exercise pages. Maybe I could put one page from a journal or memory book down on my list of "to-do" (see hearts below).

The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence -- so loved, the front cover is there but no longer attached. The copyright on this book is 1982. I may have had it longer than that. I can't say that I have read and re-read the book as much as I have constantly been reminded by the title that I can practice being aware of the presence of God.

Born for Battle by R. Arthur Mathews (copyright 1978) -- I've also had this book for a very long time. Every time I think about passing it along something happens to remind me of its value. The battle in this book is not against flesh and blood but against the spiritual forces of wickedness in heavenly places. What saved the book on the bookshelf this week was a section "God's Good Purposes in Human History" in Dallas Willard's book The Allure of Gentleness. It's too long of a discussion to post here, but I recommend Willard's book.

The Calvary Road by Roy Hession -- This is another book that I sometimes think of passing on and then I see the words I have underlined. The author, at least as he wrote the book, writes humbly and lovingly (which always draws me in) of openness and transparency.

If by Amy Carmichael -- Another little book I have had for a long time. When I pull it down, it is usually to remind myself of her poem "Love through me, Love of God" -- the second stanza is as follows:

Powers of the love of Good, 
Depths of the heart Divine, 
O Love that faileth not, break forth, 
And flood this world of Thine. 

Boundless Love by six women -- As I took the picture of this bookshelf, I wondered, "Do I have this book up here because I'm too lazy to pass it on?" So, I pull it down and start to read. The short vignettes by these women are so good. They were all grey-haired when the book came out, and I have been looking for writings by older women. The back page is a appropriate synopsis: "Our faith begins and ends with the love of God. In the face of life's struggles, how deeply we need to trust in a love greater than ourselves..."

A Heart Like His by Mike and Amy Nappa -- Written like a blog would be written, before there were blogs.

I Celebrate You, Grandmother! -- Back to the journal type of books. A gift book I found at a yard sale and couldn't pass up...even though my grandmothers died many years ago. I'm not sure what I intend to do with it! Hope my grandchildren find it and fill it in for me? Hah!

A Closer Walk by Catherine Marshall -- I keep pages 102-103 permanently bookmarked. These are the pages when Marshall discusses the day she decided to practice "fasting from criticism." Her account is hilarious (always hilarious when someone else it is happening to someone else). She writes: "My critical nature had not corrected a single one of the multitudinous things I found fault with." Those last three words are key words. Most of us, myself especially included, would not think of ourselves as critical. The word "critical" applies to someone mean, doesn't it. However, Marshall fasted from speaking out anything that day with which she found fault (whether she was right or not!). See below the dotted line for what she learned from this day.

Finally, A Time To Pray 365 Classic Prayers to help you through the year, compiled by Philip Law -- The title states it all, and I've used this book a lot.

Would I put any of these books on my Ideal Bookshelf? -- I don't know. Possibly the All Shall Be Well. Small, good quotes, good reflections.

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This morning, I wanted to accomplish as much as possible. I tend to jump from one activity to the next, getting things done, but maybe not as efficiently as possible (and forgetting some things in the middle of doing others). I have practiced making a list in the past and it has worked for me (as long as I don't lose all the little sticky notes, pieces of paper, etc.). Typically I jump from one activity to the next as they come to mind. This morning as I thought of something that needed to be done, I jotted it down on a piece of paper. This kept me from thinking of a computer activity and then finding myself still on the computer an hour later. I kept a list of everything that needed to be accomplished on the computer.

It did occur to me as my list grew that this might be overwhelming to a parent who is already overwhelmed. (One obviously can not put "change baby's diaper" on the list.) I wondered if putting one thing down per page, such as in this disposable little journal, might look more do-able. Once an action is crossed off, the page can be used again. It becomes more of a list making device than a journal, but one can look back and see how she made it through the day, and when there are encouraging words on the page to continually look at each time, an inexpensive journal (often found at the dollar store or cheaply at a yard sale) can be better than plain sheets of paper (easily lost).

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If you're looking to practice a day of fasting from criticism, it might help to read what Marshall discovered:
1) A critical spirit focuses on ourselves and makes us unhappy. We lose perspective and humor.
2) A critical spirit blocks the positive creative thoughts God longs to give us.
3) A critical spirit can prevent good relationships between individuals and often produces retaliatory criticalness.
4) Criticalness blocks the work of the Spirit of God: love, good will, mercy.
5) Whenever we see something genuinely wrong in another person's behavior, rather than criticize him or her directly, or -- far worse -- gripe about him behind his back, we should ask the Spirit of God to do the correction needed. (Marshall 104)