Strengthening (13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do by Amy Morin)

Move over, Brené Brown, Amy Morin's in town! Before you turn away because you think "mentally strong" has something to do with intelligence or IQ, let me assure you that it does not.

"Developing mental strength is about improving your ability to regulate your emotions, manage your thoughts, and behave in a positive manner, despite your circumstances" (Morin 9).

Don't get me wrong. I appreciate Brown's work, but Morin offers even more...this is how I started off writing this blog review back in October.

Then, I read some Goodreads reviews which made me question my high rating. So I shelved my review to think about it some more. In the meantime, I lost the book among my piles of books. At least that fits my method of organization. I don't think I gave it away because I liked it and wanted to refer back to it. Mostly I recall thinking as I read the reviews that it seemed unfair of people to dislike the book just because Morin read her book and she has a high pitched voice. Unfair, but I suppose authors need to take note to get someone else to read their books if their voices are going to stand in the way of the message. Sigh. Others felt Morin was not understanding of deep hurts. I did not get that feeling from the book. I felt strengthened by her research that stated strong people don't let hurtful people turn them into victims.

Since I can't find the book, I can't include other favorite quotes, but I liked the book well enough that I bought her 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do. I have not finished it, but, so far, I like it just as much as I liked the first one which was a lot. 

Listening (The Art of Listening in a Healing Way by James E. Miller)

The Art of Listening in a Healing Way by James E. Miller "reveals the art of being a healing listener" as the back cover states. It's a small book -- 80 pages and truly only half of those pages have full size paragraphs printed on them. On the left hand, even numbered pages are quotes and beautiful pictures of flowers. Still, I would buy this book again with no problem (the price is typically reasonable), and I easily rate it four stars. If I had not been so stingy with my star ratings lately, I would give it five stars because listening is a skill desperately needed today. When listening becomes an art form, all manners of goodness takes place.

The book is made up of statements such as "Healing listening is founded on wonder" and "Healing listening begins with a triple intention." Each statement is explained, described, and illustrated with a combination of instruction, inspiration, research, and example. Occasionally, another quote will be found on the right hand instructional/inspirational side such as the one by Irish poet William Butler Yeats on page 29: "We can make our minds so like still water that beings gather about us to see their own images..." Miller concludes: "Your still presence gives others the opportunity to see their own reflections. Your quiet being offers a hush in which others can find and hear their own voices."

Much of the book may not even be new to the reader; however, it is good to be reminded that the gentle art of listening is a gift we can bring to one person at a time in a world with voices shouting and clamoring to sell us something, whether that which is being sold is an emotion, a viewpoint, a product, or a service.

And, now I have come to the end of my spring-early summer reading books! (I won't count this one toward my 52 books read in 52 weeks because it is so small.)

To see the reviews of each of these titles, click on the links in the titles: Summer Hours at the Robbers Library, Leadership and Self-Deception, Small Country, Joyful Journey, Plant Paradox, Hillbilly Elegy, and Calypso.

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My mother taught her children as we became parents: "If your boys start to talk to you, stop everything and listen because that may be the only time you will get to hear what they have to say." She had it partly right. My brother is a quiet person so if he starts talking, we want to stop and listen. However, girls can be quiet, too. And, even when children are not quiet, boys and girls, they need a listening ear. I have two quiet children (male and female) and two talkative ones (male and female). At least they were talkative when young, but, friends and family, with goodnatured intentions, made jokes about their talkative ways, and now they are much quieter, and that can be a sad outcome.

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I've included this spiritually transforming practice before but it's good to practice again and again. Choose a day to intentionally listen to people, without interrupting, without advising, without giving your version or your example or your story. It doesn't mean that you and I will never talk again. We need people who will listen to us as well, but as a practice, listening can be an awakening experience. 

Eating and Living (The Blue Zones Solution by Dan Buettner)

Do I post this with my 52 Books in 52 Weeks Challenge type of posts or with my siblings blog on health? The competitive side of me (not that 52 in 52 is a competition...haha) won out, but I will copy this into our family health blog as well (found here).

Photography is not my strength so apologies ahead of time. This mushroom soup is actually excellent. It did not come from the recipes in The Blue Zones Solution but I have been inspired by Dan Buettner's research into the Blue Zones ever since I first read his articles for National Geographic.

This book goes beyond those National Geographic articles which covered how people in Blue Zones ate and lived. Blue Zones are those areas of the world where the most centenarians live. In The Blue Zones Solution, Buettner revisits those zones in Greece, Japan, Italy, Costa Rica, and, yes, even the United States. In Part Two of the book, his team learned from Finland how to teach three areas of the United States how to create their own Blue Zones. In Part Three, Buettner discusses making a Blue Zone a personal choice, followed by Part Four, the recipes.

Since I've been reading a number of other health books with food protocols in them (Genius Foods, The End of Alzheimer's, and The Plant Paradox), I had comparisons to make. There are some situations that most writing healing food books seem to agree upon: the Standard American Diet is SAD, not just an acronym, but truly 😢, and sugar is not good for us. (See my post on that here.)

However, there are some differences. Legumes. Centenarians eat them, no question about that. And, they do eat bread, just not ones with the kind of grains in the typical SAD meal plan. Legumes and grains are not high on the list of some of these other protocols. That being said, the books previously mentioned are fighting back against some specific diseases (Alzheimer's, inflammations of many types).

I find reading a combination of these healing food protocols and paying attention to one's own body and medical tests are a good start to finding a healing protocol designed for oneself.

The Blue Zones Solution also addresses lifestyles of centenarians, not just healing foods, but a thriving lifestyle, this and the recipes make the book worth buying.

Buettner's Mushroom Stew includes white wine, soy sauce, and rice -- all of which are not healing for my Celiac's, thyroid, sky high iron, or potential for Alzheimer's so I offer my version which I made the day before yesterday and thought tasted quite good! It made just two servings (1 for the day before and 1 for yesterday).

Deborah's AIP  (Autoimmune Protocol) Mushroom Soup
(I use food that has not been sprayed with chemicals, etc.: truly organic in practice, not just on the label)

In a saucepan, cover the following with water:
2 small stalks of celery, sliced thin (I included the leafy parts which I took out before eating)
2 carrots, sliced thin
3 cloves of garlic, chopped or diced
5-6 dried shiitake mushrooms
1/2 onion, diced

I simmered this until the vegetables were soft. The dried mushrooms remained a bit chewy when I was ready to eat so when I...

Blend about 3 ladles and include all of the mushrooms until smooth. NOTE: I learned to hold a towel over the top of the blender when I blend something hot. This is supposed to prevent the top from flying off from the heat. I have not had any flying top disasters.

Put the blended soup into the rest of the soup and simmer to thicken it up. I started grabbing spices, salt, and pepper which I thought were AIP (I didn't double check.) I just dashed them in. Mediterranean salt, pepper, curry, turmeric, and dill weed.

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Blue Zone ideas for raising children: Besides being mindful about what one eats, having an optimal circadian rhythm for sleep and bedrooms that are cool, quiet, and dark, are beneficial for health. Working in the yard, planting a garden all practices for thriving. Creating a group of mutually committed friends, not just at a stage of life, but people with whom you will be young with and grow old with, is something that people do who live in Blue Zones.

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Interesting that a spiritual practice is fasting. It turns out that almost every healing protocol involves a form of fasting. NOT starving as in harmful practices. But, practices such as making one's last meal of the day be at least 3 hours before bedtime. In today's fast paced busy world, we're often grabbing food at 9 pm and then sending the children to bed. The Creator who made our bodies apparently knows our bodies need to relax at a meal and then give our bodies time to digest it before heading off into some good sleep. 

Journeying, Persevering, Surrendering, Embracing (The Sensible Shoes Series by Sharon Garlough Brown)

With -ing words such as those in the title, it's no wonder that I have not had the time to write. I'm actually way ahead of my goal in Read 52 books in 52 weeks ; however, I'm just now sitting down to write. Yesterday I finished this series, so I'm reviewing the books together (although I did already review the first book here Sensible Shoes).

As mentioned in my review of the first book of this series, Sensible Shoes, it helps going into the reading of these books treating them as a new type of genre: one that is a cross between non-fiction spiritual formation practices and literature. This new genre works if you realize that at the beginning. Brown writes skillfully, even eloquently at times, but I didn't observe this during my first time reading because I kept tripping over the spiritual formation practices. The spiritual formation practices were good, but I was not accustomed to seeing them embedded within fiction. My second time around, I enjoyed both (and discovered beauty in Brown's writing).

By the time I read the second book in this series, Two Steps Forward, I had an invested interest in the characters. In this book, Brown begins developing the main male characters as well. Some of the shiny good characters in the first book lose their luster in the second book. Charissa's husband needed to lose some of his because he seemed too good to be true in the first book. He seems real in the second although it took a few chapters for me to accept the new side of John.

As for one of the four original women in the Sensible Shoes group, Meg, some readers won't be disappointed in her at all. Not that I was disappointed in her, as much as I wanted her to be light shining to her daughter's creepy older "boyfriend." I suspect I expect more of my novel characters than I do of myself.

The third book in the series, Barefoot, is at times too real. It's not an escape book, a beach read. If you have much drama going on in your own life at the moment, you might want to save this book for another time. On the other hand, if you have a lot of trials and tribulations, maybe you will want to feel like you're not alone and to know how the situations could be handled. I did find that to be true. I embraced a couple of the practices, and since this is the "surrendering" book, I can say that I learned to surrender situations that I could not control or change. God brought peace into those situations without me micromanaging everything (which tended to make situations worse just as it did in the book). Mini-spoiler alert: tears involved in this book.

I can't say that the last book, An Extra Mile, is any less real. There were times when I would think I wanted to ask the characters, who I thought were least like me, what were they thinking. Then, there were the characters that I felt sorry for because, of course, I resonated with their feelings and actions. I had been there, done that. The parents of the main women continue to be a rather disappointing lot which I did not like. I take that back. Abby's mom is likable (Abby's mom doesn't figure much into the story, however). Also, persevere through the reading if you find yourself like I did thinking, "Wow, their treatment of the bad character is as bad as the character him or herself." Eventually, good comes into the story.

Since my own siblings are my sensible shoes group, I do want to share this series with them. I'll need to buy my own set to keep because I'll want to keep coming back to the spiritual formation practices within the book (easily accessed both as separate pages and at the end of the book).

Because so much of these books are about being real and telling God exactly how we feel (angry, disappointed, heartbroken, and, yes, glad, too) and knowing we are God's beloved, here is the non-social media worthy picture of this set of books. 😏

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This is my section of my blog where I usually list either my regrets in parenting or my kudos in parenting. I could regret not having the type of teaching in these books, but I had no control over that. I grew up in the culture I grew up in, just as the parents did in this series. For parents now, this series would be a great help in parenting...and grandparents in grandparenting...

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This section I use for a spiritual formation practice. I wasn't going to include any because there are so many to choose from in this series, but then I was flipping through the last book in the series An Extra Mile, and I came across the one meditating on John 11:17-44 where Lazarus has died. Brown brings insight into the story that I had never thought of before. Mary is always the good sister, right? Funny how we categorize people as good or bad, not that their actions are good or bad. Mary does everything right. However, Brown has her character Hannah see Martha as the confronter and Mary as the avoider. From Hannah's journal:

"I look at the text again, and I'm reminded of how differently the two sisters grieved. Martha, the confronter. Mary, the avoider. I've been both sisters. I've had my moments of angrily accusing you of not caring, and I've had my moments of keeping my pain to myself and privately nursing my disappointment.

"I watch Mary sitting there in the house, surrounded by people who are probably wondering aloud about Jesus' power -- couldn't the One who had healed the blind man, they ask later, have kept this from happening? -- and none of their words comfort or soothe. They just compound the pain. Then Martha reappears in the doorway, and her countenance is softened, and she speaks gently and says, 'The Teacher is here, and he's calling for you.'

"That's what breaks the stewing. The ruminating. The rehearsing of the confusion and the wound. 'Jesus is here, and he wants to see you. He's calling for you.' Those summoning words shift everything and gently move Mary forward in her grieving. Those are the words I need to keep hearing, Lord, as I move forward with all of the losses and all of the gains. So many joyful gains to celebrate even as there are so many deaths to mourn. You summon me. I summon you. Come and see the things I have buried. Come and see the places where I'm disappointed and the places where I have hope. Meet me here with resurrection life. Not just me. All of us. Please" (29-30). 

Musings on This Fourth Sunday of Advent 2017

Although I made it further than I did last year with AdventWord, I ended up unable to blog through the rest of the days. In fact, on the last post (day 19 -- "renew"), I realized I became distracted and forgot to write the thoughts most precious to me. So, here, I am musing about the last of the words, starting with following up my thoughts on "Renew."

I discovered there were a great many times of renewal for which I had no photos. Precious moments of laughter, sacred times of prayer, companionable times of silence filled my memories. For each, it dawned on me that these had been holy moments, moments when I needed to take off my shoes, for I was standing upon holy ground. What a surprise, also, that holy moments can be moments of laughter and dancing as well as moments of reverent awe. This led me to understand that in joy or sorrow, I can look for holy moments.

Whether I am like a quiet child reading, a holy family on an arduous journey, or celebrating with gaiety, I can look for holy moments.

Day 20's word was "greeting" and Day 21 was "child." (The first Sunday of Advent started on December 3; thus, we have twenty-three days of Advent which do not line up exactly with calendar dates.)

I chose this Christmas greeting card to send out to friends and family who would delight in it because the family looks like they could be from Jerusalem. As I enlarged the picture, I saw the artist had painted what looks like dirt under the fingernails. They still look a lot more pulled together than I would after a journey, but the picture had more touches of realism than others I have seen.

Pictures of reality and thinking of others appeal to me. I would like to greet each person I talk to in such a way that I think of the person and his or her personal pool of tears or lake of joy.

My Savior, the child Jesus, grew up and reminded all he met to love others as we love ourselves. We also have Matthew 7:12 -- "Treat others as you would have them treat you." Our insistence upon our way of greeting does not lead a person closer to Christ if he or she is far away.

A child can lead us. My granddaughter delights in the tradition of moving Mary and Joseph. So much so, she used the tradition as the topic of her speech in a second grade public school classroom. She spoke with delight, and the other children asked questions in an equally delightful way. When our relationship with someone we love naturally spills out of us, there's no feeling of "my rights" and "your rights."

The word for day 22 was "believe." Please forgive me if in the interest of space and time, I leave that word (just as I did for the word "trust") for another day.

Today's word is "celebrate." Many families I know struggle with that word this month and this year. Loved ones have died and other loved ones are seriously ill. Families have lost homes to fires that raged throughout my state this year. For each, my prayer is for holy moments, healing and hope; for love and peace when celebration is not there. I close with two poems that came from a dear friend in her Christmas card. The poems were written by a poet unknown to me (Jan Richardson), but I intend to look her up.

May there come 
One searing word -- 
Enough to bare you 
To the bone, 
Enough to set your heart ablaze, 
Enough to make you 
Whole again. 

Blessed Are You Who Bear the Light
Blessed are you 
Who bear the light 
in unbearable times, 
who testify 
to its endurance 
amid the unendurable, 
who bear witness 
to its persistence 
when everything seems 
in shadow 
and grief. 

Blessed are you 
in whom 
the light lives, 
in whom 
the brightness blazes--
your heart 
a chapel,
an altar where 
in the deepest night 
can be seen 
the fire that 
shines forth in you
in unaccountable faith, 
in stubborn hope, 
in love that illumines 
every broken thing 
it finds. 

Day 5 -- Heal on This Fifth Day of Advent

Healing happens best when one heals with a friend (ice cream is a plus).

It has been quite a year! Last year at this time, my husband was healing from knee replacement surgery and the effect of the pain medications. Less than a year later, he wound up in the hospital with a bacterial skin infection which triggered an arthritic flare up in his natural knee. We're thankful his artificial knee was not touched! From there, both of us have had visits with the doctors. The privilege of growing older. Yet, I know many friends and family members of all ages and for many reasons are in need of healing right now. For some, eating good food, moving around, and getting some sleep goes a long ways.

For others, healing is more complicated. Still, I like the subtitle on this book cover: "How Small Choices Lead to Big Changes."

Some days all one can do is to "take the next step one knows to take" -- a Dallas Willard saying that has helped me time after time.

Healing, in the midst of a medical condition or healing in the midst of relational issues, is a journey -- a journey that one often awakens to. For me and mine, we gather our resources, we simplify our lives, and we wait, just as Advent is a time of waiting, for the One who comes with healing in his wings.