Moving On (Miller's Valley by Anne Quindlen)

Nothing like walking through reviews of a book and realizing that I am going to be one of the few who rate it with 3 stars. Three stars: I liked it. It was fine. There's the issue, isn't it? We don't like to receive a 'C' grade, an average grade. We don't like to be "fine" or "nice." I can't really label the book as "nice" as once again this summer I've just finished a sad book (with somewhat of a "happy" ending, I guess). I am desperate to move on to something witty and humorous and happy. However, I didn't choose this book (it was a book discussion group choice for the month of July-August), and moving on from sad books is not why I chose the title "Moving On" for this post.

The people of Miller's Valley must move out and move on because their town is going to be covered in water; it will be a "drowned town". This is not a plot spoiler as we learn this immediately in the novel.

Still, I could have chosen a variety of themes to focus on from Quindlen's novel: eminent domain, 1960s and Vietnam (or any war era sending back soldiers into civilian life), family relationships, friendship, pro-life/pro-choice/sex, growing up / growing old, loneliness, identity and home.

All those themes touch my life in one way or the other, but I keep coming back to what it means to "move on." When does moving on help us grow and thrive, and when is moving on equivalent to cutting ourselves off from what matters and/or simply running away? When does someone else's moving on become something we have to deal with, get through, and get over?

If a reader is willing to look into that theme running throughout Miller's Valley and throughout the lives of its characters, then she or he will have lots to think about in this "quiet" book (a number of reviewers who rated this book three stars were wishing they had paid attention to the "quiet" label -- this means the story may move a bit slower than one would like).

The book is an excellent choice for discussion, but I'm not purchasing the book for my own shelves.

💕💕💕💕 One of the most important actions we can take with our children (and with ourselves) is to help them build up friendships that will last a lifetime. Some childhood friendships will fall by the wayside -- oh! what a great analogy I've fallen into! Some friendships will fall on footpaths where the busy birds of this life will eat them up. If the friendships seem like good ones, pick up the seeds and move them to a place where they can be nurtured. Some friendships fall  among the rocks. Make sure that not all of your children's friendships and your own friendships stay in the rock or acquaintance region. Some friendships will fall among the weeds. Those are the tough calls to make when it comes to friendships. To have friendships among the good soil, those are friendships that last a lifetime and in rain and shine, help us to thrive and grow. Too often I've either moved on from friendship to friendship or planted friendships everywhere without making sure that I have deep friendships.

--------------Matthew, Mark, Luke, and Acts in the New Testament all write of "shaking the dust off of   [one's] feet." Words for moving on. My comments here address whether we read those stories in light of the reality that God is Love (see my ongoing blog post about this in this link here.  ) or if we read it as if God were made in our own image and if we shake off dust, then we either hate you or can't stand you or feel something other than God love for you. What if we look at "shaking of the dust" as moving on and moving past so that we can thrive and grow, so that we are not continually dragged down into the taking any number of unhelpful actions: being someone's rescuer and getting in the way of the Holy Spirit; becoming morose and stuck in the past; getting angry and becoming depressed about the past, unable to hear the goodness to which God is inviting us...

What if "shaking off the dust", "moving on", means we are invited to move away from bitterness, wrath, malice, evil words -- to put them off, to shake them off -- and to put on, move toward kindness compassion, and forgiveness? It may mean that moving on and away from someone or something is healing for our souls...and may lead to healing for theirs as well.

What if "shaking off the dust" means a moving on which is also helpful to the person or people from whom we are moving on or moving past? If the person can not hear and feel our love, can not hear and feel that the kingdom of God has come near to them, do we trust God in perfect love to send someone else? Just because we need to shake the dust off of our feet does not mean that God has abandoned the people. Truly, if these actions of shaking off the dust in protest as a testimony does not change any minds, if after time and time again, a person chooses to walk away from the freedom offered in Jesus, in God, in Love with a capital 'L', then the person gets to have what he or she wants and that is a life outside of the kingdom of God. That is sad, but the judgment does not come from us. Shaking dust off of our feet does not make us superior. It is merely an action done in love directed by God who is Love because we who are moving on are not the ones to carry the message of love there. We need to discontinue reading the words of Jesus as though he is saying them with hate and instead read them as a parent who deeply loves his children. "And you, Capernum, [think, dear children, about this] will this get you to heaven? No, you will go down to Hades [Sheol, a place of darkness, a place of death, a place where nothing grows or thrives; this is not what I want for you; change your mind, dear children, for I love you with an unfailing love].

**********I continue to think on this topic of moving on, shaking the dust off my feet. This question comes to mind. When do I move on and when do I stay put? It might have to do with what leads me toward  God and which leads me away from God. It probably has a lot to do with what is most helpful for both the one who is not listening and to me as well. Which "moving on" "shaking the dust off" move me toward God and away from anything that puts me in the place only God can hold or takes me away from anything I idolize? Which "moving on" or "shaking the dust off" takes me farther away from God's invitation to me (think of Jonah and Ninevah)? 

Maddening (Killers of the Flower Moon: The Osage Murders and the Birth of the FBI by David Grann)

If you know me personally and you're wondering how I came to be reading a non-fiction book like this (it's not my normal "go-to" genre), I was wondering the same thing myself. I came home from vacation, opened up my email, and read that I had this book waiting for me at the library for pick up. I thought: "Did I order this? I know we've been watching Quantico, but I don't think I ordered a book on the FBI!" Then, I realized it was a discussion book for the next library book discussion group meeting.

I know "maddening" is not a gerund which I generally use in my book review blog titles, but the book's story (not the book itself) is infuriating. The story involves one of the worst racial tragedies in the US, and it's not even in American History textbooks. If I were still teaching, I would definitely choose this book as one for my high schoolers to read.

The author David Grann stated in an interview with PBS News Hour that he started writing the book as a "Who did it?" but it became a "Who didn't do it?!" One reviewer mentions that there are a lot of people involved. There are! I feel Grann did a good job of keeping it clear. Pictures helped. Although pictures of the "devil himself" made me even more disgusted with him as he is so smug, so sure that he is going to get away with everything. If it sounds like fiction, it does read like a movie or television series. Apparently the story did make it onto film, but I'll bet that a new movie or tv series comes out of this.

Hopefully, if that happens, those who make it will stick to the story. The greed and travesty is unreal as it is, but the goodness of those who helped and tried to help is equally amazing.

Embedded in all of this is also the early beginnings of the FBI which adds to the story. Ratings wise, I'm saying 4 stars only because I save 5 stars for books I buy full price. IF I were teaching this, I would buy it and it would be bought for all my students. In that respect, it is a 5 star book.  I recommend the book.

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My family moved from a very diverse area to a not-so-diverse area. Thankfully, we have much diversity in our friends and family. I have never regretted teaching my children to love people of all ethnicities. I can't really say "teaching" as we just lived out being friends with all manner of people. I could  have done a better job with the homeless.

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A story like this cries out for practices of social justice. Unfortunately (or perhaps with good reason), anyone under 18 is not allowed to help out at our homeless shelters and places where meals are served. (Before anyone gets upset, the children might know each other from school and they don't want the homeless children being embarrassed by being fed by a fellow student.) As adults, we have many options. My mind today was in the direction of spiritual formation in children so I did a search on "social justice practices and children". I ran across this quote that resonated with me:

People should talk to us with the same kind tone that they talk to other children.

 (Beeru, ragpicker, 14, member of child workers union, India)

Wow. Lots of great ideas can be found, but how about starting with how we talk with one another? If you're a person of influence in a church, then I have some really great ideas. How about living in the poorer neighborhoods or setting a family up in a home next to church members and getting that family financial guidance, marital guidance, childrearing guidance? I've seen it done.

Walking (Sensible Shoes by Sharon Garlough Brown)

This is the second time I have read this book, and I thought I had already reviewed it. However, I did not, and that may be a good situation. The first time I read this book, I read it as a novel directly after reading a fabulously well-written story. Bad spot to be in. Even when one brings her 'A' moves, if the one that came before was an A+, it's difficult to be valued for what you at number two brought to the game. The irony is that I do not remember the title or story of the book I read before this one. I do remember Sensible Shoes which made it all the more annoying when a friend kept asking me if I had heard of, bought, read this book. I told her three different times over the course of six months that I had. I finally decided to pick the book back up and read it again.

I'm glad I did. This time I read the book for what it is: a well-written story about walking through the spiritual journey of four women. Although as this same friend above also keeps saying, "It's not just a woman's book." Indeed, the stories of trying to be perfect, trying to help everyone, trying to escape our pasts, trying to navigate the storms of life apply to male and female alike.

I knew the first time around that the book was filled with a great deal of wisdom (from which I gained insight and changes), but the second time around I was surprised by how my opinion changed about the literary quality. Brown writes well. What takes getting accustomed to is reading a book of wisdom directly addressing spiritual journeys written in the form of a novel. Once I stopped attempting to pin the book down to a specific category, I could relate -- haha, I started to write "relax" and autocorrect popped up with "relate" so, yes, I could not only relate to the book, learn from the book, but also enjoy the literary quality of the book.

On the spiritual side, Brown does a great job of diffusing common misunderstandings about Christian spiritual formation practices, mostly through Charissa, a young married woman who is working on her Ph.D. in English literature. Charissa is caught between wanting an A (make that A+) from her professor and partaking in some unorthodox (to her) practice where she can't just check off her good behaviors on a checklist.

I gained even more insight and transforming changes -- drawing even more deeply into relationship with God -- with this second read.

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Parents (of the four main characters) do not not come off too well in this book. I just now realized this.  That's a bit sad since this story development makes it seem as if parents totally mess up our lives and they're the reason we need transformation. Even the most wonderful parent in the world can not raise a child who never grows up needing to do some changing to grow! With that flaw in the story addressed, let's just say that one can learn what direction NOT to go from the parents in this book. (And, yes, sometimes our parents did cause issues just as we did or will cause in our children's lives. It would help our children tremendously if we could heal the hurts and avoid bending in the same direction as the parents in this novel or our own parents if that is the case.)

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As mentioned above, this novel involves spiritual practices, and there are many from which to choose which makes this a book worth buying. I'll come back to it time and again as I would never attempt everything at once. One practice I've looked at before in my life, but came back to again this time, was how I view God. How one views God will drive my entire reading of the Bible and every aspect where God is mentioned to me, discussed with me, etc. One practice that came to my mind two Mother's Days ago happened because I was reading 1 Corinthians 13. Yeah, that chapter. The chapter read so often at wedding ceremonies instructing the couple to live this chapter out. I realized God has this love! With that in mind, whenever I read the Old or New Testament; whenever I or someone else is discussing God, if the picture of God that comes out of that reading or that discussion does not fit 1 Corinthians 13, I explore what is going on in my head. Where is my picture of God coming from? 

Fifth Day of Advent: Proclaim

Pastors, preachers, priests, must have a difficult time every year between Thanksgiving and New Year's. How does one teach a lesson that they've already taught before to the same crowd? I was a teacher, but at least I had a new crowd each year. However, I have written Advent posts before, and it was tempting today to just leave proclaiming to the picture below and resurrect an old post. 

What impelled me to write was Facebook. Yes, there's lots to dislike about social media, but, thus far, the Facebook organization allows the pages of deceased people to stay in circulation. (Stick with me here.) As I write this, I'm not deceased obviously. Yet a time will come when I am not here and it could be that my post will touch someone's life, just as saints of old made a difference in my life from an early age. 

Through stories of St. Teresa and St. Therese, the stories of St. Augustine and St. Francis, and many more, I learned how to have a relationship with God. I suppose some people cast off the relationship with God of their younger years as some friendship with an imaginary friend. I did not. The relationship was too real. And, I wasn't the only one who knew God existed. 

I did, however, like young Goodman Brown of Nathaniel Hawthorne short story fame, want to check out the wild side. I've learned that the wild side of God is quite an adventure, but back then, the world's wild side killed some of my friends and usually found me throwing up in a toilet bowl. Frankly, it just was not enjoyable. 

I cast my lot with the Christians. Now there are Christians, and there are Christians. One group follows rules and one group follows Christ. I'm trying to keep this proclaiming short, so let me just say that I know now what it is like to be in a community of those who follow Christ and his commandments: Love God; love others. 

When I ask myself, "Would you ever not believe in God?" I end up asking myself: "What do I do with situations that just can not be explained? One example: I had a dream, a detailed dream. The heart and soul of the dream was about an acquaintance (I didn't even know where he lived anymore) who I later found out was despondent, despairing, desperate, hopeless. God wanted him to know that he was loved by God and that he was not a failure.  I thought this is crazy: I can't contact this person. I don't even know if this email address is correct. Still, what if I wasn't crazy? I wrote out the entire dream (along with "please, please, please don't think I'm insane"). I received a long email back telling me the devastating failure that the young man had faced, a failure in his work that if it had not been caught by another could have led to tragedy. He was at the lowest point ever in his life. I can take no credit for reaching out to this person. Some of my teachers have rightly said that sometimes the only way God can get through to us is through dreams. If I were stronger in my hearing of God, perhaps God could have just flat out told me and I would have known what to do. Nonetheless, this was a situation that I can not explain away, and there have been others like it. 

My belief is also more than something I just proclaim or speak out. I trust Jesus not as my "get out of hell free" card, but as my friend and God whose salvation is for me daily. I was never one to think about a "life verse" but I guess I ended up with one anyway through a rather odd story that I won't tell here. 

"Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ; by whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God" Romans 5:1-2.  

At Least I Remembered to Take a Picture This Time

At least this time it's only hash browns which exploded all across the counter and floor, and it's not shattered glass. This time I was trying to break apart the hash browns that were frozen in a solid mass. Again, my first attempts did not result in disaster so I kept whacking the bag against the counter to break up the last solid pieces. Then, the bag exploded. 

I write this because, really, aren't most of our days (at least for those of us in countries with frozen hash browns easily bought at the grocery store) filled with mundane tasks, some of which go astray? Maybe you don't have as many kitchen mishaps as I do, but it gives you something to chuckle about. Or, the stories resonate with you: "I've had days like that." 

I write to lead me into deeper ways of thinking: I've realized that I multi-task when I cook. I like food. I somewhat like to cook. But, it's not a priority enough for me to focus on it. This, in turn, led me to think what my passions truly are, what do I focus on. 

I write to encourage others. In my last blog (see "shattered glass" in the first paragraph), I wrote about the opposite of loneliness: friendship. Friendship, whether with God or with others, involves "(1) spending time together, (2) learning about the other, (3) being honest and transparent, (4) learning to be a good listener, (5) allowing for changing and maturing views of the other, and (6) learning how to enjoy being silent together" (Gary Moon's forward in Trevor Hudson's book Beyond Loneliness as Moon quotes *James Martin's insights from **William A. Barry).  

Social media can not replace the face-to-face time, but it can be, when used in encouraging ways, be a moment in time where we can feel that we have been seen and heard and loved. I so appreciated the give and take when my own daughter posted her "When Days Seem Hard" It was just what one mom needed to hear so that she could pick herself up and begin again. 

Loneliness can't be cured by social media, blogs, etc., but I hope I can use technology positively to invite myself and others into a friendship with God (the great thing is God is available during poopy diapers, academic meetings, traffic jams...in other words all the time), and into exploring ways of friendship with three-dimensional people (did I choose the right term...lol...geometry was never a focus of mine). For me, it takes intentionality. To not give up when lives seem so busy. To look at my schedule and see where I can give up something simply time-consuming and replace it with friendship. I'm interested in the creativity used by others to build friendships (so feel free to comment), and, if you're interested in an online Beyond Loneliness online community (not as a substitute, but as a starting point), here is the link to the book club. 

*The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything: A Spirituality for Real Life by James Martin, SJ
** God and You: Prayer as Personal Relationship by William A. Barry, SJ

The Opposite of Loneliness

Lately I've been exploring loneliness. Some experiences come unbidden, but this one came by way of a book club...or so I thought as I read the opening pages: loneliness of leadership responsibility, loneliness of superficial relationships, loneliness of depression, loneliness of loss, loneliness without a face. Check and double check. Ready to take a quiz. 

All academic until I rode home after spending four days with my daughter, son-in-law, and grandson who live seven hours away from me. 

What a beautiful picture this is of community, fellowship, friendship IF it goes beyond the picture taking moments, right? Two days after this picture was taken, I had all those traveling hours to realize the loneliness of the loss I was experiencing. To be away from this family meant being with sons and granddaughters; to be with this family meant loss of time with the other family members. 

I've been learning lately how to ask questions of God rather than telling God how to run my world (imagine that!). So, I asked. And, I received: Be grateful. Yes, gratefulness did lighten my heart. Yet, what about the loss that can not be lightened by a visit: death of a loved one, death of a situation. So many thoughts came flooding in. And, God said, "Sit with me in it." 

Sit? Do nothing? It's not "doing nothing." To sit with God is to sit in friendship. To sit being heard, being seen, being understood. That, I think is the opposite of Loneliness. Not as an Internet search gave: "popular", "sociable" as the opposite for "lonely" (several sites had no antonyms for "loneliness"). One site "got it": "companionship" is the opposite of loneliness. 

I realize now how my world opened up when I sat with these thoughts. I see the value of the closing words of encouragement from my teacher, Trevor: "Admitting our loneliness, whether it has a face or not, can be liberating, hopeful, and life-giving. That's why I encourage others to face their loneliness and to be honest with themselves. At the beginning of this chapter, we imagined Jesus walking the streets where we live and saying, "Come to me, all you who are lonely, and I will give you friendship" (30-31).