This Isn't the God I Grew Up With Pt.1 (Joyful Journey Listening to Immanuel)

"This Isn't the God I Grew Up With" has been a title in my draft posts for awhile. When I read Joyful Journey Listening to Immanuel (by E. James Wilder, Anna Lang, John Loppnow, and Sungshim Loppnow), I knew I wanted to pair the title with the book review. However, as I wrote, I discovered the thoughts behind the title were too many for one post coupled with a book review. Therefore, I'll start with a short review (so I can copy onto Goodreads easily), and then follow up with how the God (god?) I grew up with would have compromised the practice of Immanuel journaling.

Joyful Journey is a fantastic personal growth / transformational book. My only complaint was the cost for such a slim book but then I found out I could have bought it for a better price directly from Life Model Works (see also the JoyStartsHere website). Life Model Works joins brain science with spiritual life and scripture. This particular book walks the reader through improving awareness that God is with us, God is good, and God is willing to help us. The fourth chapter guides the readers through what to do with the disconnect that comes through trauma and intense emotions. The steps in journaling start in chapter five although I was introduced first to the journaling aspect of Joyful Journey. One more general comment: the authors address both fears within the Christian community ("Are you sure this is scriptural?") and the connections to what we are learning about the brain. Essentially we have a Creator who designed our brains for connection -- "neurologists are even identifying that there is a region in our prefrontal cortex in charge of how we conduct ourselves that is nourished and developed best in this environment of loving relationships. Through these connections we actually become our true selves as God originally intended. We are able to have meaningful relationships and develop our brains and minds for success and abundance through loving connections" (11).

Chapter Six develops Immanuel journaling within community and with community, the practice of "shalom check". Shalom check can help guide the journaler in knowing if this is "the right relationship, at the right time, in the right place, at the right strength and in the right amount" to share with people (52). Also, I find it a good check for knowing those same qualities of God's peace, shalom, for myself and my actions, my journaling. The authors' checklist for shalom include:

Do I feel peacefully calm? (This topic "fits" together correctly now.) 
Am I sensing God's loving presence? (Underlining mine.)
Am I confident that nothing can take me away from God's love? 
Am I portraying my weakness accurately? 
Am I still sensing God's interactive presence in my painful memory? 
Have my joy, peace, and hope increased? 
Has my desire to love and serve others increased? (54).

This checklist would have invalidated the view of God which I grew up with. As I walk through Immanuel journaling, thankfulness fits in with most views of God. Sometimes that thankfulness is more along the lines of "Thank you for not squashing me like a bug today" than along the lines of "Thank you for the the beauty surrounding me" but gratitude is usually a given. The authors do make the connection between gratitude and the control center of the brain on the right hand side (34-45); however, if gratitude is impossible at the moment because our relational circuits (RCs) are off (covered in chapter four), then starting with what God sees in our body and what God hears from us, and stating to ourselves that God is with us (Immanuel), God wants to be with us, is a first step to restoring relational circuits.

Here is where I would have hit a roadblock with the god I grew up with. God did NOT want to be with me when I was a bad girl, an angry child (or adult). The god I grew up with stopped listening to me if I started to whine or complain. Basically, the god I grew up with resembled either Zeus (capricious and wrathful) or Santa Claus ("He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!" -- Or you're going to get coal in your Christmas stocking) or  George Burns (Oh, God! 1977 movie with Burns portraying God as an old man who expects actor John Denver to deliver God's message to the human race that they have everything they need and so the human race needs to get on with life).

Those gods are not going to be interested in me hearing the words: My dear child...my beloved...I delight in you...

If those gods saw me, they're going to throttle me; if they hear what I'm thinking, I'm going to get punished and sent to my room for sure. God gives his beloved sleep; therefore, if I don't sleep, I must have done something wrong. Even worse, as this happened to be the conversation among childhood friends this past week (No, I did not bring it up!), one dear friend had been told that God sent her illnesses because she must have done something bad. I wish this were an uncommon thought; however, another writer/teacher was told the same thing when his daughter was born with a defect that took her life at a young age.

Now I know and trust that God who sees me and hears me, loves me and understands me, wants to be with me, wants to do something about what I am going through. It may not be what I think I want in the moment, and I've lived long enough now to know that when I think I am right, I'm not always right (see below in the heart section).

Interestingly, I did an exercise this past week of drawing with my non-dominant hand my earliest thoughts of God. Surprisingly, the pictures were not the same as my pictures of God that I learned as I grew up! My earliest pictures were of a smiling Jesus with arms stretched out or of a picture on my best friend's wall. Two children crossing a bridge with God protecting them which as I write this, I realize that it actually must have been a guardian angel; however, that was my picture of God: protecting me and opening up arms to me.

Now I know and trust that when Jesus says to his disciples: "If you have seen me, you have seen the Father (God)" that is to be my picture of God. The 1 Corinthians 13 passage so often recited at weddings is a picture of God. Those attributes are the attributes of God. Anything less is not God.

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I so regret as I raised my children that I raised them in the way I was taught, not by my mother necessarily, but by some well-meaning women, who might have said, "God is love" but their version of love was fairly strict. An example that stands out in my mind is children do not get out of bed or out of the playpen just because they are crying. I'm fine with an overtired child crying for a brief time because when he or she is overtired, then no amount of attention is going to stop the crying. In fact, the attention may just keep the child from getting the sleep needed. But, if mom is trying to be perfect to please God, you can imagine what that mother's children will go through. I thought I was so right just as the women who taught me thought they were so right. I wonder now how many children have a picture of a Santa Claus god who "sees them when they're sleeping; he knows when you're awake; he knows if you've been good or bad, so be good for goodness sake!"

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As a spiritual formational practice, place your bible in front of you opened to 1 Corinthians 13. As you journal, picture God loving you, being patient with and kind to you, not dishonoring you, not easily angered with you. Yes, God does not delight in evil, but you can admit your weaknesses, and God, whether you are at the place of admitting all or not in that place yet, God protects you, teaches you how to trust, how to hope, how to persevere. Where it looks like God has not protected you or your loved ones, God will be with you in that trauma and suffering. I know that this can cause people to either not believe in God or to hate God, but I've never gone that direction because 1) I've had too many times of experiencing the unseeable God who calls me "beloved child" "delightful one" even when, especially when, I fail,  and 2) I can not figure out how we could have a perfectly good world without God making everyone a robot type of person with no choices.

Day 5 -- Heal on This Fifth Day of Advent

Healing happens best when one heals with a friend (ice cream is a plus).

It has been quite a year! Last year at this time, my husband was healing from knee replacement surgery and the effect of the pain medications. Less than a year later, he wound up in the hospital with a bacterial skin infection which triggered an arthritic flare up in his natural knee. We're thankful his artificial knee was not touched! From there, both of us have had visits with the doctors. The privilege of growing older. Yet, I know many friends and family members of all ages and for many reasons are in need of healing right now. For some, eating good food, moving around, and getting some sleep goes a long ways.

For others, healing is more complicated. Still, I like the subtitle on this book cover: "How Small Choices Lead to Big Changes."

Some days all one can do is to "take the next step one knows to take" -- a Dallas Willard saying that has helped me time after time.

Healing, in the midst of a medical condition or healing in the midst of relational issues, is a journey -- a journey that one often awakens to. For me and mine, we gather our resources, we simplify our lives, and we wait, just as Advent is a time of waiting, for the One who comes with healing in his wings. 

Day 2 -- Journey on This Second Day of Advent

Every year our Advent tradition includes the journey of our holy family from the back of the house to "Bethlehem" -- our fireplace mantle. This year our youngest granddaughter is using this tradition as the focus of her speech in her second grade classroom so she started Joseph, Mary, and the camel (no donkey) on their journey and took pictures to accompany her speech.

In general, their journey is without incident unless they take a fall (staged here for benefit of a picture) or they are beset by monsters (also known as the dog).

That's Joseph falling. Joseph's journey could not have been planned even in his wildest dreams. A carpenter, he was betrothed to a young woman who he clearly cared enough for that even without an angel's intervention he would not put a scarlet letter 'A' on her and make her a public spectacle. After the angel awakens Joseph and tells him to "Fear not," he gladly takes Mary as his wife, but still has to deal with the government. He gets to travel 35 miles from Nazareth in Galilee to Bethlehem in Judaea with his pregnant wife who is due to give birth just so he can pay taxes in his family's hometown.

On top of those circumstances, everyone else from Bethlehem is also traveling home and the inns are full. So Mary and Joseph get to have their firstborn in with the animals. Not such an auspicious beginning; however, shepherds come visiting because angels have told them that their Saviour has been born. Even Mary is as quiet as her husband after this visit.

The family gets about 2 years of peace and then Magi come to visit them followed by the news that Herod is out to get them. Once again, Joseph is visited by the angel of the Lord, and once again, Joseph finds himself on the road, fleeing to Egypt with the young child Jesus and his mother Mary.

Then comes the news that Herod is dead and they can return to Israel, but they can not return to Judaea because Herod's equally horrible son reigns there. They wind up in Nazareth of Galilee.

It's quite a journey for this family. What journey are you on? I have had a number of journeys in the past few years. Some of those journeys have been journeys of celebration. Yesterday I attended a delightful bridal shower for a former student. She is embarking on a journey of joy, but even those journeys need preparation. However, that is an advent word for another day.

More often than not these days, I know of more journeys like Joseph and Mary's -- journeys filled with ups and downs. I have learned that we have our own ways of dealing with these journeys.

Joseph is a quiet man who obviously cares for his family. When at 12 years of age, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph travel with the extended family to the feast in Jerusalem, and Jesus stays behind, it is Mary who says, "Son, why have you dealt this way with us? Your father and I have been in deep sorrow as we looked for you."

When Mary gets visited  by an angel, she asks questions and launches into a song of praise. Mary goes visiting her cousin. Mary talks. Both Mary and Joseph are people of action, but one seems a bit more extroverted than the other.

I am a borderline introvert. (Does that also make me a borderline extrovert?) I can handle large and small gatherings and like Mary, I don't mind speaking up. Yet, I get my energy from times of quiet. My husband does not like crowds, and he would never be on social media; however, to my surprise, he gets his energy from being with people (just one or two at a time). I am learning to listen to the stories of the journeys of others and not jump in so quickly with "helpful suggestions." Love and listening, I am finding, are always welcome to those on a journey.

I also love this from church service yesterday:
"Wondrous are you, Holy One of Blessing,
All you create is a sign of hope for our journey..." 

Journeys, Pilgrimages, Paths

I first published this post privately on Facebook and a friend asked me if it was on my blog. It was not, so here it is for my friend and anyone else.

I felt like writing today, but it's funny how the finished piece turns out differently than first written in my head. I had to change the pictures I had first chosen as I thought about how on earth does one live her life the way Jesus would live it. My London cohort actually received this type of question during our first semester. We're stuck in an elevator with someone who asks us how to "put on Christ." Here is a portion of a fellow cohort's response: 

"Stranger: Hi...
Nick, nods.
Stranger: So anyway...I was just thinking, what does it mean to 'put on Jesus?' Is that actually possible?
He stares at Nick encouragingly. Nick says nothing.
Stranger: Well?
Nick: I'm sorry, I just find that incredibly difficult to talk about.
Stranger: Why?
Nick: Because I'm English. We never talk to strangers.
Stranger: Oh. I see.
Nick: I'm sorry. It's a genetic thing.
Stranger: Would it help if I told you that I'm not a real person? That I am, actually, an artificial construct created by a man called Gary in order to pose a question?
Nick: (Relieved and suddenly much more relaxed) Oh, in that case, fire away." 

I'm telling you my British genes grow stronger every day. I answered the question...in my own fashion...I pasted in my latest blog post at the time, a piece about "Expectantly Waiting Gone Wrong -- Day 11 of Advent." Made complete sense to me, but then it also made sense to me in elementary school to write about Santa, Greek mythology style. Have. always. marched. to. a. different. beat. 

My journey started prior to my two years of study. I read the article "Sleep Therapy" by Lauren Winner in 2006. No one had ever told me that I could stop working at a decent hour and go to sleep for 8-10 hours. Darn Puritan work ethic. Jesus wept, but Jesus also slept. Even in a storm. 

On that slippery slope to Christ-likeness, I also slowed down. Okay, so maybe freeway driving is still a work in progress, but I no longer run around as if I'm my dog chasing a squirrel. And, it is a life change that others notice because it has led to patience. I sat peacefully at the bank while they figured out how to wire pounds to a bank in England so that I could pay for my reunion stay. The bank folks kept thanking me and marveling at my patience. My response came out of several years of intentionally slowing down my pace because I trusted in Jesus that all would be well. 

The greatest change has come in the area of fear. All my life, fear has driven me. My children gifted me one year with a paranoia book. I never read it because there would be all those new things to fear! While fear can still occasionally grip me, I recognize it now. Fear no longer drives my life. I have now taken over 20 airplane flights! Fear of losing my job? Been there, done that. God sustained me. Yes, there are situations where the pool of tears are beyond my ability to cope, but God sits beside me and sends others to sit beside me. Here are three statements made in one of the final sessions at the reunion I just attended: 1) Over 1,500 x God says, "My people don't listen" 2) People are not finding listeners among Christians because we/they are too busy talking 3) In spiritual formation, we dare not forget: Listen. 

From my teacher: On this journey, "Remember, every person sits next to a pool of tears."

Sometimes we have beautiful sunny path days filled with green and flowers such as in the picture at the beginning of this post, but often days are filled with mud -- how deep and slippery it is differs for each of us.

The path with the elevation gain...ugh.

The path filled with logs: sometimes the logs are in the way; sometimes the logs are something to play on!

The path with seating in the midst of tears. 

Ugh. I Missed a Special Moment

This week I had one of those ironic life moments. I was so busy "enhancing" a picture of God's creation (the photo below) by adding a scripture verse that I missed His handiwork right in my own yard: a deer with a fawn that I saw running off (after I decided a picture of God's creation was beautiful enough without a verse on it)! Many verses could go with this picture, or it could point back to the Creator Himself.

I like beautiful pictures with verses on them, and I don't necessarily think a picture with a verse is what Dallas Willard had in mind when he wrote about "clothing and greeting card graffiti" or "be cute or die" (The Divine Conspiracy 10), but go into a Christian bookstore and verses on anything and everything are certainly commercial products. Those products can be great reminders of God's words to us, but I was so busy trying to do something for God that I missed just being with Him in His creation and seeing His handiwork. And, if I am going to be transparent, maybe my picture idea wasn't cutesy, but I'm just as guilty as the next person at striving for cuteness in my Facebook posts!

I'm thankful for both Dallas's gracious words: "Absurdity and cuteness are fine to chuckle over and perhaps to muse upon" AND his exhortation: "But they are no place to live. They [absurdity and cuteness] provide no shelter or direction for being human" (ibid 11).

"Yet, in the gloom a light glimmers and glows. We have received an invitation. We are invited to make a pilgrimage -- into the heart and life of God" (ibid).

This week I was looking at journal prompts and I chose one where we write about 3 brights. The prompt fits well with Willard's quote above and looking for God in His creation (see also Romans 1:20). I wanted three bright things that anyone anywhere could see God in. The first is water as above. For the second, I chose flowers. Even in the most dismal of places, flowers show up.

Thirdly, I chose a child's face. Many, many years ago, I heard of a Russian scientist who came to believe in God as he looked at his child's ear. The ear is so intricately made as are all the parts of us! The eye amazes me with the number of colors that can be seen. Truly "we are fearfully and wonderfully made."

I don't have to miss work or be lazy in order to slow down long enough to be present to what is in front of my eyes. I can stop filling my calendar so full that there is no time to rest. I can look up, see the deer, see the bright beauty of water, flowers, a child's face -- to see God in His creation and worship Him.

I invite you to join me on this pilgrimage "into the heart and life of God." I'm looking for Him in His creation.

If you're a reader and joining me on this slow reading adventure, I moving on to pages 13-17 of The Divine Conspiracy. 

How Does This Work? Love.

Yesterday's post ended with something for us to consider as we went about our day: Is Jesus relevant to whatever we're doing or going through at the moment we ask the question? Here's one way it worked for me.

On November 1, a major coffeehouse sent me an email letting me know that my favorite time-of-the-year coffee would be available as a free sample on November 2 between the hours of x and y. (All my math friends, I really think you should give me a high-five for whatever it was that I just did there.) However, when I went to my local coffeehouse on November 2, there were no samples. Not a single one. I was tempted to tweet, post, and message my displeasure, but I remembered that I was asking myself if Jesus was relevant to my real life.

In my head I'm playing a running commentary with video: "Oh, boohoo, you didn't get your free coffee sample. How first-world 'poor me' problem is that?" If you thought that along with me, you're right. So before I come back to Jesus and coffee, let me make a few comments about this journey.

1) I presume that you are part of the 40% of the world with Internet connections. That doesn't necessarily mean that you are wealthy as I have met people who due to devastating circumstances are in homeless shelters, and they made sure to keep their computers so that they could find jobs (or have access to their jobs). But, it does mean you are not part of the 60% without, and my examples will probably be familiar to you.

2) In college I read these words in "The Unknown Masterpiece" by Honore de Balzac: "...Gillette, who almost forgave him for sacrificing her to the art of painting..." (italics mine), and I decided I wouldn't sacrifice relationships for the sake of writing. When appropriate, I will share deeper than petty annoyances, but, in reality, it's the day-to-day responses to petty annoyances that build up how we respond when life's tragedies hit us. (More on this in another post.)

Therefore, when I thought about "how to do what he [Jesus] said was best" (Willard, Divine Conspiracy), Jesus said love was best.

"Jesus said unto him [the lawyer who had asked about the greatest commandment in the law], "Thou shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your should, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets" (Matthew 22:37-40, underlining mine).

If you're reading: We're still reading the introduction to The Divine Conspiracy.
If you're practicing: We're still exploring -- what does Jesus have to do with this moment? 

What's Jesus Got to Do with It?

"My hope is to gain a fresh hearing for Jesus, especially among those who believe they already understand him" -- so begins Dallas Willard in his introduction to his book The Divine Conspiracy. Even Dallas laughed when people kidded him about the book being the most bought unread book on Christian bookshelves. I happen to like the book, but I'm not going to try to talk you into a "fresh hearing" for DC by DW, "especially among those who believe they" can't possibly understand him (to borrow a few of Dallas's words). The book happened to be the first one assigned during a two-year Christ-centered spiritual formation program. I'm a reader and even for me the two years was packed solid and fast track. I want to go back, slow down, and invite those interested to take the journey with me.

"Very few people today find Jesus interesting as a person or of vital relevance to their actual lives...And frankly, he is not taken to be a person of much ability" (DW introduction).

"He is automatically seen as a more or less magical figure -- a pawn, or possibly a knight or a bishop, in some religious game -- who fits only within the categories of dogma and of law. Dogma is what you have to believe, whether you believe it or not. And law is what you must do, whether it is good for you or not. What we have to believe or do now, by contrast, is real life, bursting with interesting, frightening and relevant things and people" (ibid).

"Now, in fact, Jesus and his words have never belonged to the categories of dogma or law, and to read them as if they did is simply to miss them" (ibid).

So, basically, most of us don't think Jesus has anything to do with every day -- REAL -- life. But, what if he does? What if he's actually brilliant, and here, and loves us?

* If you ARE a reader and want to SLOWLY read along the way: Start with the introduction to The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard.

Not a reader? Not a problem. Readers are NOT holier than thou (even though some may think they are...oops, well, I did say I was on the slow track to spiritual formation).

* Something to practice: As we go about our "interesting," "frightening," and "real" life, be open to the possibility that Jesus might actually be relevant to us in that moment.  

Visions, Intentions, and Means for This Year's Journey

This is the second time I have pulled up my blog to write. The first time, I sat and sat and sat, until I gave up and logged out. Instead of sitting with no thoughts in mind, I did an Internet search on how to get to my granddaughter's birthday party at a pizza place forty-five minutes away. I had a vision of being at that party, but I also had another vision: It was of me lost two years ago coming home from that same pizza place. This time I am going with directions in hand. My RSVP (response to attend) signaled my intentions to follow through on my vision. All well and good, but I could have all the good intentions in the world, yet without the means and directions to do so, I will still be staying home.

All of this reminds me that our family's Magi are still on there way to see Jesus. They saw the "star in the east" and they had come "to worship him." If they had seen the star and done nothing more about it, their vision of the star would have been interesting, but that's about it. No adventure. No stories to tell in the future (people would soon tire of hearing how they saw a star). They intended to do something about seeing that star, and they did. They had the means to travel, but once they arrived in Jerusalem, they needed more: they needed directions (Matthew 2:1 does state that these were wise men). Without those means, all their visions and intentions would not have led them to a house in Bethlehem where "they saw the young child with Mary his mother, and fell down and worshipped him" (Matthew 2:11).

Our "wise men" are experiencing some rough terrain. Rough terrain has knocked more than a few off course from their visions and intentions. These Magi will make it to their destination in a couple more days. Only time will tell whether I follow through on my vision and good intentions over the next month.

I'm happy to share my journey with you, and I hope you, too, have a vision for the months ahead. 

Where Are You? -- Day 14 of Advent

Poor Mary and Joseph. Much of the gain they had made was taken away when the youngest granddaughter came over and moved them back to the Little People house. It took me awhile to find them. "KK," I said, "Where are Mary and Joseph?"

I didn't know this was what I was going to write about today. I had actually planned two days ago on going a different direction, but then Mary and Joseph got lost, and suddenly I find myself writing about "Where are you; where am I, this Advent season?" I was very tempted to add in a joke about not asking directions, but I won't go there.  We all get lost or decide to return to the familiar in our journeys toward the unknown.  

And, God, ever so gracious, comes seeking us. Today, I want to treat you to the words of two of my favorite authors. The first, Trevor Hudson and the second, Frank Laubach.

"The other day I listened to someone tell the story of his spiritual journey. He described how, after years of searching in different directions, he had eventually found God. I had mixed feelings about his use of the phrase 'found God.' On the one hand, there is a certain truth to this. We do search for God. On the other hand, we are also the ones who hide away. Nonetheless God is always trying to find us. This is the good news of the creation story. When we hide from God, God comes seeking, calling out to each one of us, 'Where are you?'

"This question leads us deeply into the searching heart of God. It reminds us that God always pursues us in love. Nothing can ever extinguish the flame in God's heart that burns to be in personal relationship with us. Even when we mess up and get terribly lost. When God asks us where we are, it is as if God is saying to you and me, 'Where are you? I am missing you. My heart aches for you. I want to reconnect intimately with you. I grieve over the distance between us. I long for your companionship, and I will search for you until I find you'" (Questions God Asks Us).

Almost 80 years prior to Hudson writing, Frank Laubach wrote: "I walk out in the street full of Moros, and if my soul is as full of God as it sometimes is, I see what happens as I look into their eyes and pray for them. No man need try to persuade me that God does not reach them, for I see the thing happen, and now I know that every person we ever meet is God's opportunity if only, if only we were not so much of the time shut off from God.

"Last Monday was the most completely successful day of my life to date so far as giving my day in complete surrender to God is concerned -- though I shall hope for far better days -- and I remember how as I looked at people with a love God gave, they looked back and acted as though they wanted to go with me. I felt then that for a day I saw a little of that marvelous pull that Jesus had as He walked along the road day after day, 'God-intoxicated' and radiant with the endless communion of His soul with God'"(15 June 1930).

When God asks me, "Where are you?" oh, that I may reply, whether I am waiting or traveling, "Here, Lord! Right here, clinging to You!" And, may I, as I cling to Him,  look with His same love at everyone else with me on this journey called life.

* artwork from beliefnet.com

The Bethlehem Candle -- The 8th Day of Advent

Today we light the second candle of the Advent wreath. I thought this candle represented "Faith" just as the first candle represented "Hope." However, I did not find agreement for its meaning. Some say "Faith," some say "Love," others say "Preparation." It does appear that most call this the Bethlehem candle. I may end up touching on faith, love, and preparation, but I definitely think of "Journey" when I imagine Mary and Joseph traveling to Bethlehem.

I took a journey with my granddaughters last night...okay, so it was just down the street; nonetheless, the preparation involved 3 sets of mittens, 3 hats, 3 scarves, 3 coats, a set of wool socks (for Grandma), a blanket for the  youngest -- along with a stroller -- and a flashlight. We were taking our annual Christmas Walk Around the Lake. It is a joyous, albeit cold, tradition. The street that circles our local lake closes down for the night so that townsfolk can walk around looking at lights, listening to carols, eating popcorn, drinking hot cider, and greeting old friends (if you can recognize them in the dark). I do not think Mary and Joseph experienced this type of journey, and I can not even imagine what preparation went into their travels to Bethlehem.

All this thinking about journeys and preparations made me realize that my life with Jesus has been a journey beginning with His love for me. I am glad that I did not have to make vast preparations for Him to love me. My connection today with Frank Laubach returns to his May 24 letter and a rather "different" occurrence than most of us are accustomed to.

"...I climbed 'Signal Hill' back of my house, talking and listening to God all the way up, all the way back, all the lovely half hour on the top. And God talked back! I let my tongue go loose and from it there flowed poetry far more beautiful than any I ever composed. it flowed without pausing and without ever a failing syllable for a half hour. I listened astonished and full of joy and gratitude. I wanted a Dictaphone for I knew that I should not remember it -- and now I cannot. 'Why,' someone may ask, 'did God waste His poetry on  you alone, when you could not carry it home?' You will have to ask God that question. I only know He did and I am happy in the memory."

I know I risk losing readers (and maybe friends!) quoting such a mystical happenstance, but what I love about the story is God "wasting His poetry on [Laubach] alone." It truly sounds like something God would do. His love is so extravagant that He would gladly waste His poetry on each of us (and I do not think it is wasteful, nor do I think God thinks it is wasteful). He is LOVE, and we do not have to earn His love. Can you imagine a baby in the womb trying to figure out how to prepare himself or herself to be loved by his/her parents? The baby can not do so; neither can we. God freely gives His love "while we were yet sinners." Oh, on this journey, may I learn to listen with astonishment, joy and gratitude like Laubach did to Jesus' words of love.