Lamenting (Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance)

The diversity of my spring/summer reading selections boggles my mind.

The book Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance was thrown into the mix by my library book discussion group. Most of the time when the group chooses a memoir, I don't make it to the end. Vance's book broke that pattern. That doesn't mean I'm giving it five stars (I've vacillated between 3 and 4 stars), but I did finish it within three days of reading and parts of his story resonated with me.

An elegy is a lament, and I'm not so sure this book is a lament as much as it is a cry for help. Reviewers disagree about the value of the book and, as usual, the ratings depend on how they take the book personally.

Connections for me revolved around whether conclusions Vance made could happen in my community and, if I had a similar background with a different result, what made my life different from Vance's?

On page 56, Vance comments on students and college that applied to my life, and I wasn't born or raised anywhere near Appalachia. "To move up was to move on. That required going to college. And yet there was no sense that failing to achieve higher education would bring shame or any other consequences. The message wasn't explicit; teachers didn't tell us that we were too stupid or poor to make it. Nevertheless, it was all around us, like the air we breathed: No one in our families had gone to college..."(56). Not a single counselor or teacher talked to me about getting into college. I did all the work myself (and very poorly). I was an intelligent person who read a lot, but never knew how to study to get good grades. Thankfully, I had access to a community college and it was there that grades began to matter to me. I didn't think about "moving up"; I thought about having that college degree and proving that I had worth.

This memoir (one reviewer questioned calling it a memoir when the author is thirty-one!) is a must read for Christ-followers who care about making a difference. On page 96, Vance discusses: "Many of the sermons I heard spent as much time criticizing other Christians as anything else...My new faith had put me on the lookout for heretics. Good friends who interpreted parts of the Bible differently were bad influencers...All of this talk about Christians who weren't Christian enough, secularists indoctrinating our youth, art exhibits insulting our faith, and persecution by the elites made the world a scary and foreign place" (97).

Vance's thoughts on Marine Corps boot camp, I believe, hold a key to some solutions: "Marine Corps boot camp, with its barrage of challenges big and small, began to teach me I had underestimated myself", and this -- "...I had never felt empowered--never believed that I had the ability and the responsibility to care for those I loved" (163, 167). The Corps taught him how to compare banks and shop for loans (175). Just as with college preparation, no one at school taught lower middle class students like myself how to do finances. Vance states: "I'm not saying ability doesn't matter. It certainly helps. But there's something powerful about realizing that you've undersold yourself--that somehow your mind confused lack of effort for inability. This is why, whenever, people ask me what I'd most like to change about the white working class, I say, 'The feeling that our choices don't matter" (177). There's no reason to put forth effort if one thinks effort does not change the circumstances.

This may be the difference between the community and family of Vance and my family. My family background may be one of times of poverty, but they were (and some still are) farmers. Farmers know that they may not be able to control the weather, but they can control tilling the soil, putting seed in the ground, and tending to crops and farm animals. One's effort makes a difference.

I'm a bit surprised that I don't want to buy the book as it does have statements I'd like to remember: "I don't believe in epiphanies. I don't believe in transformative moments, as transformation is harder than a moment. I've seen far too many people awash in a genuine desire to change only to lose their mettle when they realized just how difficult change actually is" (173). Vance writes: "We're more socially isolated than ever, and we pass that isolation down to our children. Our religion has changed--built around churches heavy on emotional rhetoric but light on the kind of social support necessary to enable poor kids to do well" (4). Thought-provoking.

I almost titled my blog post: "Politicking" as the book was later used to explain election results. The emails Vance cites on pages 192-193, I have seen and had discussions with relatively upscale family members and their friends who believed fake news and conspiracy theories. One's culture lives on no matter how little or how much money one earns. Also, reviewers have castigated Vance's book saying they believe it is his way to begin a run for public office. Is a person more noble who doesn't plan to go into public office but just seemingly "falls" into it? I ended up liking Vance and his wife and the decisions they make. This book is definitely a great discussion group book choice.

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Too often when parents and others start discussing "consequences", the topic is tied to consequences for one's naughty actions. What about consequences of perseverance and practicing and taking risks and failing yet trying again? Researcher Carol Dweck's work in growth mindset is excellent for learning how to teach children the "power of believing that you can improve".

Dweck's work wasn't around when I was raising my children; however, we did believe that our efforts could change circumstances. We may not have farmed, but we did garden.

What can you and I continue to do to help others know that they can persevere, practice, take risks and fail yet try again?

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See above. I don't know that I believe all transformation is harder than a moment, but I do believe transformation comes with daily moments. As Dallas Willard often said or wrote, and I paraphrase him, "indirectly doing practices which enable us to do that which we have not been able to do by our own direct effort." Vance could not in one direct moment overcome his cultural belief that his efforts did not have an impact on consequences yet the Corps taught him moment by moment he could keep his room clean, keep his hair cut, iron his uniforms, run not only a mile continuously but, in the end, three miles continuously, fail and be able to try again.

As Dallas wrote in The Great Omission: "Grace is not opposed to effort, it is opposed to earning. Earning is an attitude. Grace, you know, does not just have to do with forgiveness of sins alone" (61).  

Surviving (Small Country by Gaël Faye)

Small Country by Gaël Faye is a difficult novel to read, not because of the prose, which is outstandingly beautiful, but because of the horrors within it, which are tragically ugly. Why in the world would I recommend the book to anyone? Let me answer that with a conversation in the book itself as the main character Gabriel asks Madame Economopoulos if she has read all the books lining the shelves on her walls.

"Have you read all those books?" I asked her.

"Yes, I've even read some of them many times over. They're the great loves of my life. They make me laugh and weep and question and reflect on things. They allow me to escape from myself. They've changed me, they've made me a different person."

"A book can change us?"

"Of course a book can change you. It can even change your life. It's like falling in love. And you never know when such an encounter might happen. You should beware of books, they're sleeping genies." (140)

There wasn't much laughing or escaping from myself in this book. Weeping, questioning, reflecting -- there were plenty of those times. I'm trying to think of how to explain those times without giving away moments in the book, moments so real and detailed that the story feels more autobiographical than fiction. A character named Donatien brings up God, but rather than asking where God is, he puts the blame on humankind. The question to reflect upon becomes how can one help? Do we allow two small countries to annihilate each other along with all the powerless ones trying to survive? Rwanda and Burundi are extremely small. It took me three times and a final Internet search to find them on my world map.

Follow the boy's first finger out horizontally and just a tad bit up, and you can see two tiny pieces as if they are small puzzle pieces of Tanzania. They also both touch the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Uganda sits above Rwanda. If you want to feel where prejudice can ultimately take you when it tears apart an entire country or two, this is it.

If you're willing to face the challenge of reading the book, you will have excellent writing to read. Kudos to both the author Faye and the translator (in my case, Sarah Ardizzove translated it into English). On Goodreads, reviewer Liberty Hardy had the best recommendation I've read for diving into this book: "Don't forget, books that break your heart also strengthen your soul."  It is one of those books that can be read quickly but sit long on your mind and heart.

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I don't have the answers for how we keep our children from being overwhelmed by tragedy, keep them from being inured to violence because they may see so much of it in media, and keep them from being without compassion. I'm not sure if I lived in that tension between all those poorly or well. I was surprised as 2011 came to a close by how many of my students (living in the West) grew bored with 9/11 stories. Yet some of the most vocal became caring medical professionals. Perhaps the expression of boredom was a way for a teenager to keep fear away. Feel free to comment on how to address this with children, students, teenagers, adults. Again, my apologies for making you wait before seeing your comment appear, but if it is on topic (and not trying to sell anyone something), I will add it to the blog.

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In the formation of spirit, a human navigates a variety of streams. Six that I am familiar with as a Christ-follower are as follows: 1) Incarnational -- practicing life every day living as Jesus would live my life if Jesus were me 2) Holiness or wholeness or virtuous -- practicing life aiming for good and thriving 3) Spirit-filled -- practicing life living and loving with passion and joy 4) Word-centered -- practicing life with a life-giving message (and when necessary using words, as St. Francis supposedly said) 5) Contemplative -- practicing a life of prayer 6) Compassionate -- practicing a life of compassion. All of these prepare my mind, body, heart, soul for both tragedy and joy. For more on the Six Streams, use this link here.

Moving (The Address by Fiona Davis)

Lovely book cover, sad story that ends well for at least one of the characters (that for my friend who hates sad endings). This is next month's book for discussion at my local library. It's a quick read in spite of the dual time line (1880s/1980s) which in the words of one reviewer "are hard to escape these days." The historical aspect is interesting -- the Dakota New York apartment house where, if it doesn't ring a bell, John Lennon was shot. The other historical aspect and the one that makes this book sad is the portion of the story involving the asylums where women were sent when they were deemed crazy. At a different time, I might have been more energetic about reading this story, but this is the third book in a row where I have been reading about the horrible situations women have been placed in and forced to go through. Nellie Bly's cameo appearance in this story is definitely a highlight. If you get ahold of the book and you have the time, it's worth reading. It's a good choice for a book discussion group, and there were a couple of plot twists: one reasonable, one...eh, maybe. I'm ready to go back to my health and education book reading for awhile, but don't hesitate to recommend a fictional book to me. Just don't make it a sad one for awhile!

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I'm going to finish out this section with the last 3 tips on listening gleaned from a 2014 blog piece by Janice Taylor. With the hearts portion of my blog (the mom/grandma portion), I'd say my mom gave her children good advice. Although she applied it to listening to sons, it's more appropriate and less gender specific to apply it to all children, "When a child speaks, stop what you are doing to listen." She applied it to boys feeling that they spoke less. Sometimes that's true and sometimes not. Basically, if I'm with a child (or adult) who rarely speaks up, if he or she starts talking, it would be good to stop and listen! This is a practice I did not excel at.

In the area of good practices, I finish with the last three tips as promised above.

7. Listen rather than judging. This works for a connection with the book. One, several times, characters were not listened to, and two,  some major misjudgments occur.

8. Listen rather than finishing the speaker's sentence.

9. Listen rather than sharing every single story from your own life that might relate closely or loosely to what the speaker is saying.

Journeying, Persevering, Surrendering, Embracing (The Sensible Shoes Series by Sharon Garlough Brown)

With -ing words such as those in the title, it's no wonder that I have not had the time to write. I'm actually way ahead of my goal in Read 52 books in 52 weeks ; however, I'm just now sitting down to write. Yesterday I finished this series, so I'm reviewing the books together (although I did already review the first book here Sensible Shoes).

As mentioned in my review of the first book of this series, Sensible Shoes, it helps going into the reading of these books treating them as a new type of genre: one that is a cross between non-fiction spiritual formation practices and literature. This new genre works if you realize that at the beginning. Brown writes skillfully, even eloquently at times, but I didn't observe this during my first time reading because I kept tripping over the spiritual formation practices. The spiritual formation practices were good, but I was not accustomed to seeing them embedded within fiction. My second time around, I enjoyed both (and discovered beauty in Brown's writing).

By the time I read the second book in this series, Two Steps Forward, I had an invested interest in the characters. In this book, Brown begins developing the main male characters as well. Some of the shiny good characters in the first book lose their luster in the second book. Charissa's husband needed to lose some of his because he seemed too good to be true in the first book. He seems real in the second although it took a few chapters for me to accept the new side of John.

As for one of the four original women in the Sensible Shoes group, Meg, some readers won't be disappointed in her at all. Not that I was disappointed in her, as much as I wanted her to be light shining to her daughter's creepy older "boyfriend." I suspect I expect more of my novel characters than I do of myself.

The third book in the series, Barefoot, is at times too real. It's not an escape book, a beach read. If you have much drama going on in your own life at the moment, you might want to save this book for another time. On the other hand, if you have a lot of trials and tribulations, maybe you will want to feel like you're not alone and to know how the situations could be handled. I did find that to be true. I embraced a couple of the practices, and since this is the "surrendering" book, I can say that I learned to surrender situations that I could not control or change. God brought peace into those situations without me micromanaging everything (which tended to make situations worse just as it did in the book). Mini-spoiler alert: tears involved in this book.

I can't say that the last book, An Extra Mile, is any less real. There were times when I would think I wanted to ask the characters, who I thought were least like me, what were they thinking. Then, there were the characters that I felt sorry for because, of course, I resonated with their feelings and actions. I had been there, done that. The parents of the main women continue to be a rather disappointing lot which I did not like. I take that back. Abby's mom is likable (Abby's mom doesn't figure much into the story, however). Also, persevere through the reading if you find yourself like I did thinking, "Wow, their treatment of the bad character is as bad as the character him or herself." Eventually, good comes into the story.

Since my own siblings are my sensible shoes group, I do want to share this series with them. I'll need to buy my own set to keep because I'll want to keep coming back to the spiritual formation practices within the book (easily accessed both as separate pages and at the end of the book).

Because so much of these books are about being real and telling God exactly how we feel (angry, disappointed, heartbroken, and, yes, glad, too) and knowing we are God's beloved, here is the non-social media worthy picture of this set of books. 😏

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This is my section of my blog where I usually list either my regrets in parenting or my kudos in parenting. I could regret not having the type of teaching in these books, but I had no control over that. I grew up in the culture I grew up in, just as the parents did in this series. For parents now, this series would be a great help in parenting...and grandparents in grandparenting...

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This section I use for a spiritual formation practice. I wasn't going to include any because there are so many to choose from in this series, but then I was flipping through the last book in the series An Extra Mile, and I came across the one meditating on John 11:17-44 where Lazarus has died. Brown brings insight into the story that I had never thought of before. Mary is always the good sister, right? Funny how we categorize people as good or bad, not that their actions are good or bad. Mary does everything right. However, Brown has her character Hannah see Martha as the confronter and Mary as the avoider. From Hannah's journal:

"I look at the text again, and I'm reminded of how differently the two sisters grieved. Martha, the confronter. Mary, the avoider. I've been both sisters. I've had my moments of angrily accusing you of not caring, and I've had my moments of keeping my pain to myself and privately nursing my disappointment.

"I watch Mary sitting there in the house, surrounded by people who are probably wondering aloud about Jesus' power -- couldn't the One who had healed the blind man, they ask later, have kept this from happening? -- and none of their words comfort or soothe. They just compound the pain. Then Martha reappears in the doorway, and her countenance is softened, and she speaks gently and says, 'The Teacher is here, and he's calling for you.'

"That's what breaks the stewing. The ruminating. The rehearsing of the confusion and the wound. 'Jesus is here, and he wants to see you. He's calling for you.' Those summoning words shift everything and gently move Mary forward in her grieving. Those are the words I need to keep hearing, Lord, as I move forward with all of the losses and all of the gains. So many joyful gains to celebrate even as there are so many deaths to mourn. You summon me. I summon you. Come and see the things I have buried. Come and see the places where I'm disappointed and the places where I have hope. Meet me here with resurrection life. Not just me. All of us. Please" (29-30). 

Walking (Sensible Shoes by Sharon Garlough Brown)

This is the second time I have read this book, and I thought I had already reviewed it. However, I did not, and that may be a good situation. The first time I read this book, I read it as a novel directly after reading a fabulously well-written story. Bad spot to be in. Even when one brings her 'A' moves, if the one that came before was an A+, it's difficult to be valued for what you at number two brought to the game. The irony is that I do not remember the title or story of the book I read before this one. I do remember Sensible Shoes which made it all the more annoying when a friend kept asking me if I had heard of, bought, read this book. I told her three different times over the course of six months that I had. I finally decided to pick the book back up and read it again.

I'm glad I did. This time I read the book for what it is: a well-written story about walking through the spiritual journey of four women. Although as this same friend above also keeps saying, "It's not just a woman's book." Indeed, the stories of trying to be perfect, trying to help everyone, trying to escape our pasts, trying to navigate the storms of life apply to male and female alike.

I knew the first time around that the book was filled with a great deal of wisdom (from which I gained insight and changes), but the second time around I was surprised by how my opinion changed about the literary quality. Brown writes well. What takes getting accustomed to is reading a book of wisdom directly addressing spiritual journeys written in the form of a novel. Once I stopped attempting to pin the book down to a specific category, I could relate -- haha, I started to write "relax" and autocorrect popped up with "relate" so, yes, I could not only relate to the book, learn from the book, but also enjoy the literary quality of the book.

On the spiritual side, Brown does a great job of diffusing common misunderstandings about Christian spiritual formation practices, mostly through Charissa, a young married woman who is working on her Ph.D. in English literature. Charissa is caught between wanting an A (make that A+) from her professor and partaking in some unorthodox (to her) practice where she can't just check off her good behaviors on a checklist.

I gained even more insight and transforming changes -- drawing even more deeply into relationship with God -- with this second read.

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Parents (of the four main characters) do not not come off too well in this book. I just now realized this.  That's a bit sad since this story development makes it seem as if parents totally mess up our lives and they're the reason we need transformation. Even the most wonderful parent in the world can not raise a child who never grows up needing to do some changing to grow! With that flaw in the story addressed, let's just say that one can learn what direction NOT to go from the parents in this book. (And, yes, sometimes our parents did cause issues just as we did or will cause in our children's lives. It would help our children tremendously if we could heal the hurts and avoid bending in the same direction as the parents in this novel or our own parents if that is the case.)

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As mentioned above, this novel involves spiritual practices, and there are many from which to choose which makes this a book worth buying. I'll come back to it time and again as I would never attempt everything at once. One practice I've looked at before in my life, but came back to again this time, was how I view God. How one views God will drive my entire reading of the Bible and every aspect where God is mentioned to me, discussed with me, etc. One practice that came to my mind two Mother's Days ago happened because I was reading 1 Corinthians 13. Yeah, that chapter. The chapter read so often at wedding ceremonies instructing the couple to live this chapter out. I realized God has this love! With that in mind, whenever I read the Old or New Testament; whenever I or someone else is discussing God, if the picture of God that comes out of that reading or that discussion does not fit 1 Corinthians 13, I explore what is going on in my head. Where is my picture of God coming from? 

Training (Solomon's Oak by Jo-Ann Mapson)

Once upon a time, after being heartbreakingly laid off, I mentioned to a friend that I wanted to review books and connect each book with an -ing word (swimming, walking, sleeping, etc.). "Training" works for this book, but so does "grieving", and both of those indirectly. "Living" describes the contents of this novel, but "living" is one of those generalized words that works for just about any story.

Surprisingly, this is the February meeting choice for our local library book discussion group. While the setting will be known to all of the members (since it is set in our own county and the next county over), the author mentions the faith of the dead husband early on. He had built a chapel on the property where he would go to pray. This automatically screams out "Christian romance novel" to the majority of the members of the book club and some may not even read to the end. Those same members would be wrong. Is that a plot spoiler? Mapson treats everyone kindly in this novel: believer and non-believer alike, so her target audience is obviously not going to be on the far ends of the religious/not religious spectrum.

Left with readers in the middle, those looking for classic symbolism are going to fall away. Solomon's  Oak fits the definition from Oxford Living Dictionary (online): "A fictitious prose narrative of book length, typically representing character and action with some degree of realism." Solomon's Oak is a story with a slightly typical ending in one area but not in two other areas (which I can not mention without spoiling the ending).

Is the book worth checking out of the library and reading? Definitely (for reasons I will mention below). Is it worth buying? Hmmm, that depends on what you want to remember from the book after you are done reading it which brings me to "training."

Mapson's realism comes in describing the training of her dogs (and even in some respects, her horses). The descriptions of training might be a bit much for some readers. I wouldn't say it was overdone, and I liked the variety of approaches she took with her dogs. I might still question her foster son's demonstration of building a relationship in two hours with a snapping, snorting four-year-old mare, but it fits the storyline. As Mapson writes in the story: "It's my belief that animals can help a human being travel to the wounds of childhood. The best part is, once you go there, you can fix things. Get on with life."

The animals in the story are as much a part of the story as the human beings. The main character, Glory, fosters a teenager not doing well in the county social system. The teenager, Juniper, connects with one of the dogs. Part of Juniper's issues involves a mystery, just enough for those of us who don't read mysteries. Maybe not enough of a mystery for readers of that genre.

"Fostering" could have been another word along with "grieving." The English assignment written by Juniper on Christmas is one part of this novel that makes it a definitely-read-this novel. All of the English assignments written by Juniper are as academically bad to read as you would expect from a girl who hates school (with good reason), but the essay on Christmas is eye-opening.

Grieving is what both the teenager and Glory and Joseph are doing. Yes, there's a man and there's a romance, but the characters work well in the story.

"Wedding" is another -ing word but not in the same category. Mapson's attention to detail may annoy some readers who just want to get on with the story. I think each part is described well, including another -ing word: homeschooling -- homeschooling via the John Holt method. Holt would have loved the description as it is a perfect example of what he believed in.

Annoyances for me?
Mild -- Page 72 when Glory and her sister Halle (I could have included "sibling" as a word as well) are discussing their mom who is sixty-two years old as if that is old. Granted the mom has inflammatory arthritis, but still sixty-two is not ancient!
More than mild -- Mapson starts off great with an omniscient viewpoint (something that seems to have fallen by the wayside in recent years), and then she falls into the same modern flaw I see often these days. Let's change the narrator by titling the chapter with the character's name. Why not learn how to write in the omniscient view all the way through the novel?

On Goodreads, I won't be giving it 5 stars because I reserve that for books I buy, but "Juniper's" essay on Christmas and the details on activities that could be learned within these pages along with a good story push it from 3 (my original thoughts when I started the book) to a 4.
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Since my blog introduction mentions slow track spiritual formation, my take away from this book: "training" when it is done well is not a bad word. We accept training for sports or sporting events. We accept the idea of training for animals, but somehow the idea of training ourselves in the area of spiritual formation seems so unspiritual as if training is too mechanical and lacks mystery. It helps me to think of training as helping my body learn good habits, in this case, good habits of coming to God in relational ways and learning good habits of being kind and patient and forgiving to others so that I can love them as Jesus tells me to love them.

A take away from the book: training myself to listen and not assume what I think is cheery (in the book for Juniper, Christmas) will be cheery to someone else, training myself to look and listen because one dog is not like every other, one human being is not like every other, one person's grief is not like another person's grief.

The Parable of the Shattered Baking Dish

This is all I have left of my baking dish -- one small shard that I found a week after I broke it. Actually, I shattered it into thousands of tiny pieces. Originally, it looked a lot like the baking dish pictured below. 

If I had a photographer's mind, I would have taken a picture of the aftermath of the dish's destruction: glass all across the stove, the counters, the floor. However, I was barely able to control my dismay let alone the dog who wanted to see what the explosion was all about. Instead I have a teacher's mind, and I thought: God, there must be a lesson in this. 

Of course, there was an obvious scientific lesson: Don't pour water into a hot dish. I actually knew that lesson, but I had poured a little bit of water and nothing disastrous happened. I had finished baking some squash, taken it out of the pan, and wanted the remains to come up easily. I poured a little water in and all was well. I poured a little more. Everything was lovely. Until it was not. I poured one smidgen of water too much and the dish exploded. I've broken dishes before. This was not just a broken dish. Teeny shards of glass flew everywhere. 

A second obvious lesson was the one where I got away with a little something I knew was wrong so I kept doing it until that awful moment when it caught up with me. However, that wasn't the life changing lesson. 

As I looked at the thousands of broken pieces, I realized no artist no matter how gifted could put my dish together. 

The caption for this artwork reads: "the art of repairing pottery with gold or silver lacquer and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken." 

There are times in my life when this caption fits and it's a beautiful reminder. Yet, my heart went to thoughts of time and people where their "dish", their lives, seemed shattered beyond all repair. It made me weep until a series of "random" occurrences caused me to think about how God transforms. He is able to gather thousands upon thousands of broken pieces and make us new. We are still us. If I had gathered up all those pieces and instead of throwing them in the trash, I had melted them all together, all the particles of that dish would still be there. In like fashion, each of our unique DNA is still there. My pieces of shard still had some squash juice on them, and I wonder "Does God clean up every little shard?" That's a lovely thought. Or, does some of that become a part of us so that we in turn can love, comfort, and help others who are broken? 

These latter lessons carry me past weeping into hope. 

This song also came to mind, and I close with "Broken Vessels" by Hillsong.