The Empty Stable -- Day 5 of Advent

This is my empty stable sitting atop of my fireplace mantle. The sight is rather jarring, is it not? I am accustomed to seeing a full stable, particularly at Christmas time. Also, if you have read my previous post "Where Are You Christmas?" on Monday, December 2, then you will know that I see a full stable every day of the year in a back bedroom. An empty stable is such a strange sight that it causes me constantly to reflect on Jesus, and I like that.

On April 22, 1930, Frank Laubach wrote: "The 'experiment' is interesting, although I am not very successful, thus far. The idea of God slips out of my sight for I suppose two-thirds of every day, thus far. This morning I started out fresh, by finding a rich experience of God in the sunrise. Then I tried to let him control my hands while I was shaving and dressing and eating breakfast. Now I am trying to let God control my hands as I pound the typewriter keys. If I could keep this morning up I should have a far higher average today than I have had for some time."

Sunrise, shaving, dressing, eating, typing...isn't interesting that we tend to look for God in only the BIG ways, the miraculous...but then again, each day is a miracle. Each day I can wake up, say "Hello, God!"; check out the patterns of frost outside my window, eat breakfast with Jesus, notice the empty stable. None of these activities took money or time away. (Not that I am disparaging a retreat with God; I will happily take any time away with God that comes along!) But, if the baby woke you up early this morning (or, in my case, the dog), or if your alarm did not go off as planned and you are running around trying to get yourself to school, a job, an appointment in time, we still can have Immanuel -- God with us. Actually, when I am running late, I do a whole lot better with Jesus than without Him.

Psalm 33: 18-22 -- "Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear Him,
On those who hope in His mercy,
To deliver their soul from death,
And to keep them alive in famine.
Our soul waits for the LORD;
He is our help and our shield.
For our heart shall rejoice in Him,
Because we have trusted in His holy name.
Let Your mercy, O LORD, be upon us,
Just as we hope in You.

How do we view God? I did not know this was where I was headed this morning until I sat down with my Bible and read Psalm 33 and Luke 24: 5b -- "'Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here, but is risen!'" I trust that Jesus is God of the living; His Holy Spirit is with me daily. Jesus not only saves me from death, He also keeps me alive in famine. When many struggle to have power and to take what others have for fear that they themselves will not have enough, I can know I am safe. I have Immanuel, God with me.

My empty stable causes me to ponder: What if Jesus had never been born? Is my God only a baby in a stable? Is my God alive?

He is alive; He is more than a baby in a stable.

My hope is based on nothing less!

The "Heart-melting, Here-ness" of Hope -- Day 4 of Advent

I mentioned in a previous post that my granddaughters carry Mary and Joseph on their journey to Bethlehem (aka the living room) throughout Advent. Yesterday, the youngest granddaughter placed them on the window sill. I'm happy with her choice because windows enable those within to look out and those outside to look in. This post offers a small window view into the difficulties of thinking of God all the time, and yet also a look into the hope God provides for us.

"This conscious, incessant submission to God has proven extremely difficult, and I have surrendered for the past few days. and today and yesterday I saw evidences of the result. In a effort to be witty, I have said biting things which have hurt the feelings of others, and have been short and impatient. I tremble, for I have told at least one of these men of this experiment, and he will think this is the result. It is very dangerous to tell people, and yet, I must tell and I must start over now and succeed. This philosophy that one can begin all over instantly at any moment is proving of great help" (Laubach 19 April 1930).

How this paragraph resonates with me! I have revealed in this blog that I, too, am trying to keep Jesus ever before me in my mind, and often times, I find myself thinking (worrying!) about whether I will have anything to write! But, oh how those words: "one can begin all over instantly at any moment" fill me with hope. I can come again and again in boldness to His throne of grace, not because of anything I have done, but because of Jesus.

I also join Laubach in writing that one must reveal the struggles along with the victories; otherwise, we will paint a false picture.

"If this record of a soul struggle to find God is to be complete, it must not omit the story of difficulty and failure. I have not succeeded very well so far. This week, for example, has not been one of the finest in my life, though it has been above the average. I have to make a greater effort next week. I have undertaken something which, at my age at least, is hard, harder than I had anticipated. But I resolve not to give up the effort. Yet strain does not seem to do any good."[underlining mine]

"At this moment I feel something 'LET GO' inside and lo, GOD is here! It is a HEART-MELTING 'HERE-NESS,' a lovely whispering of father to child, and the reason I did not have it before was because I failed to let go." [underlining and caps mine]

Let go, and let God.

Psalm 31:24 -- "Be strong, and  let your heart take courage, all you who hope in the Lord." Some translations finish with "all you who wait for the Lord." Hoping, waiting, trusting, letting go to God. Our hearts can take courage because our hope for good will be fulfilled by our good and loving God. 

Today's Message Brought To You By Hope -- Advent Day 3

Today's message is brought to you by Hope. Hope is the thread running through each element even though these paragraphs (and photo) will seem like a strange collection at first.

From Frank Laubach, 18 April 1930 -- "Everywhere people are beautiful -- or at least they have a beautiful side. On the boat from Manila last week was a painted woman, alone. I spoke to her because she was lonesome. Three of the ship's officers nearby tittered as thought they thought a scandal was brewing, so I talked loud enough for them to hear. I told her I was looking for God. As naturally as a preacher she replied, 'God is everywhere around us and in us if we only open our eyes. All the world is beautiful if we have eyes to see the beauty, for the world is packed with God.' 'Thank you for that,' I said."

From Matthew 1:18-24 -- "Now the birth of Jesus Christ was as follows: After His mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Spirit. Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away secretly. But while he thought about these thing, behold, and angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, 'Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take to you Mary your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit. and she will bring forth a Son, and you shall call His name JESUS, for He will save His people from their sins.'

"So this was done that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the Lord through the prophet, saying: 'Behold, the virgin shall be with child, and bear a Son, and they shall call His name Immanuel,' which is translated, 'God with us.'

"Then Joseph, being aroused from sleep, did as the angel of the Lord commanded him and took to him his wife, and did not know her till she had brought forth her firstborn Son. And he called His name JESUS."

From Luke 6:35-36 -- "But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful." 

I mentioned in my last post that our nativity set stays up year round in a back bedroom. On the first day of Advent, the stable is moved to the fireplace mantle, the shepherds are set up on green grass (a green placemat :D) on the piano, the kings stay where they are until Epiphany, and Mary and Joseph start their journey to Bethlehem (aka out of the bedroom, down the hallway, to the front of the house). The granddaughters move them each time they are over. This year the oldest granddaughter looked for a different first spot: nestled among the books on the shelf. Mary is kneeling, a position we can not change since this little plastic figurine kneels while in the stable with her Son; still, Joseph looks protective. The verse that popped into my mind was the one where God places Moses in the cleft of the rock so that Moses can live when God's glory shines forth. The Lord does pass before Moses and He reveals Himself as "The LORD, the LORD God, merciful, gracious, longsuffering, abounding in goodness and truth, forgiving of iniquity, transgression, and sin..." (Exodus 33:18-34:9).

Hope -- Joseph places his hope in God and believes Mary carries Immanuel within her. Laubach has such a hope in his God as Savior that he is able to see the painted woman as a potential carrier of Christ within. No, Mary and the painted woman are not the same, but certainly the townspeople would have been thinking such thoughts about Mary had not Joseph chosen to trust, hope, and believe. Mary literally, physically carried Jesus, but the painted woman is a human being made in the image of God, possibly a future sister-in-Christ which would make her a woman in whom Christ dwells.

Hoping for something in return, hoping for what we want, hoping for fame and fortune, hoping for power and praise -- these hopes are tenuous at best. The only sure hope we have is in Jesus. And, that hope, causes me to walk out the door, into the world, with great joy, ready to see Jesus and beauty all around me.

Where Are You Christmas? Day 2 of Advent

Eleven months out of the year, our nativity set sits on the top of the bookshelf in the back bedroom. It is a constant reminder that the hope of the Messiah was fulfilled. A constant reminder that Christmas is for more than just one day each year. On this second day of Advent, in my hometown, it does not feel like Christmas. Snow does not cover the ground as it does in Christmas cards. In fact, when I took my granddaughter to the park, we threw off our jackets immediately. I google'd the weather in Bethlehem and it is the exact same temperature as where I live! There is one difference -- it is 10 hours later. My 65 degrees came at noon, and their temperature was still that high at 10 in the evening. They are even warmer -- no snow for them. More than likely (as in 100% likely), Jesus' birth did not look like my nativity set nor my Christmas cards. Reading the biblical accounts we realize Jesus was probably born in a month like September, not December. The kings did not come to the stable, and the stable in those days was a cave. Still, this precious nativity, chosen for how much wear and tear it could endure when handled by children, can re-focus my vision on those days when I am running around mindlessly.

On March 23, 1930, Frank Laubach wrote: "You and you and you and I do experience fine fresh contact with God sometimes, and do carry out His will sometimes. One question now to be put to the test is this: Can we have that contact with God all the time? All the time awake, fall asleep in His arms, and awaken in his presence, can we attain that?....Or are there periods when business, and pleasures, and crowding companions must necessarily push God out of our thoughts?"

No, Frank was not out Christmas shopping when he wrote this. :D

He writes the usual answer to this question: "If one thinks of God all the time, he will never get anything else done."  But, he follows with what he learned: "So I thought too, until now, but I am changing my view. We can keep two things in mind at once. Indeed we cannot keep one thing in mind more than half a second. Mind is a flowing something. It oscillates. Concentration is merely the continuous return to the same problem from a million angles. We do not think of one thing. We always think of the relationship of at least two things, and more often of three or more things simultaneously." 

"If our religious premises are correct at all, then this oneness with God is the most normal condition one can have. It is what made Christ, Christ. It is what St. Augustine meant when he said, 'Thou hast made us for Thyself, and our souls are restless until they find their rest in Thee.'"

Frank Laubach called this continual attempt to rest in God, to come back to God minute by minute, an experiment. What better time to start an experiment such as this -- continually looking for Jesus -- than during the Christmas season?

"Can a laboring man successfully attain this continuous surrender to God?"

"Can a merchant do business, can an accountant keep books, ceaselessly surrendered to God? Can a mother wash dishes, care for the babies, continuously talking to God?Can little children be taught to talk and listen to God inwardly all day long, and what is the effect upon them?" 

"Can a politician keep in a state of continuous contact with God, and not lose the following of the crowds?" Yes, Laubach wrote that in 1930. Well, this is the week of Advent where we remember hope. Hope in Jesus. I hope in vain that my Christmas celebrations will always look like a Christmas card. I hope in vain that anything or anyone other than Jesus will fill me with joy. But, my flesh rests in hope when I set the Lord always before me.

"I will bless the Lord who has given me counsel; my heart also instructs me in the night seasons.
I have set the Lord always before me; Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices; My flesh also will rest in hope....
You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is the fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore" Psalm 16:7-9,11.

Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas! Welcome to the First Day of Advent!

Words. They have such incredible power. Power to bless and power to hurt. I have spent the last fifteen minutes just trying to write this first paragraph -- trying to arrange the words in such a way that they truly express words in my heart, words of blessing. I meant my last post to be one of thankfulness, and, as far as I know that is how the post was read: no one expressed a critical word. It was only the composition teacher in me that saw how I should have rearranged certain paragraphs. On this first day of Advent when we light the candle of hope, I hope that my readers heard a voice of thankfulness even with sorrows that remain a mystery. It is the hope I have in Jesus that preserves my soul during days of sorrows that can not be easily explained. I am not currently in those dark days...but people I love are going through tough times. I would not trivialize what they are going through by writing as though thankfulness comes easy. Knowing that life can be a struggle, why then do we fall so easily into a critical spirit during this season for which Jesus is the reason?

Most of life does not look like a Christmas card; nonetheless, cards express a hope that all is well with family and friends. The person sending this Season's Greeting card sees beauty and peace. She is not thinking about raising the ire of folks who prefer to be greeted with "Merry Christmas." I know because  the card came out of my Christmas box along with two more cards shown below.

Not all of my cards look this way. I am searching high and low for beautiful cards that express the hope I have in my Savior as we celebrate His birth prophesied so long ago in the book of Isaiah.

"The people who have walked in darkness have seen a great light."

"For unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given."

The cards are out there, I know. I will find them (soon I hope). But, the cards here are lovely, and I will bless my friends and family as I write inside of them. Jesus is indeed the reason for this season and for these holy days. Jesus wants me to love not only my brethren but also my enemies. So when I am greeted with "Happy Holidays!" I am going to take it as a blessing. My bashing a Happy Holiday-er will never cause them to have a "Merry Christmas!" It is the love of our Abba Father (Daddy!); Christ, our hope of glory; and the joy of the Holy Spirit shining forth as light through our lives that God can use to woo people.

On this first day of Advent when we are reminded of the hope we have in Jesus, may you and I live and move and have our beings in Jesus so much so that His love, grace, mercy, peace, and all fruit of the Spirit overflows to all that we meet.  

Sorrows and Thankfulness -- Thoughts on a Life of 59 Years

One of my English professors was fond of telling the story of a young man who faced a deep sorrow and afterwards the young man's depth of writing greatly improved. I hated the story because I did not want to face sorrow to be a better writer. I can not say that sorrow has improved my writing, but it has brought depth to my character.

Some of you know I started blogging in January of this year so that I could connect my posts with the Letters of Frank Laubach. The letter that I landed on for my birthday, of all days, deals with sorrow.

"I have been so desperately lonesome that it was unbearable save by talking with God...Somebody was telling me this week that nobody can make a violin speak the last depths of human longing until that soul has been made tender by some great anguish" (Laubach 15 March 1930).

Oh well, why not address sorrow? On this day, the culmination of my 59th year, I can write that I have experienced sorrow (as well as many blessings). I can not write that I am thankful for the sorrow (perhaps in one or two cases I can), but I am thankful for the grace and comfort that God brought into and out of the sorrow.

I never understood any reason for the sorrows of my childhood until I went to other countries where God used my own experiences to open doors into the hearts of people whose lives were so different from those of my American companions.

And so, I give thanks.

When I was laid off from my job, I not only lost my job but also my community. I can write now, nearly five years later, that the deep and intense love that I felt from God made it all worthwhile.

And so, I give thanks.

I have seen some become bitter from sorrow. Maybe the bitter ones become the better writers. Yet, I would not trade my life for Mark Twain's or Robert Frost's (two writers who never overcame their bitterness because of sorrow) for all the acclaim in the world.

And so, I give thanks.

Two years ago, I applied for a program and did not make it in. Instead, my application was rolled over for another year, and this time, after being put on a waiting list, God opened the doors. This is one of those cases where words can not express the extent of my thankfulness. I love the international group of friends with whom I am walking this journey.

And so, I give thanks.

This year, I applied for my dream job, and I did not get it. This year, an older friend died when I was out of town, a family member died too soon, and a little one did not make it to his first birthday. Deep sorrows indeed. I can not understand these sorrows; I can not be thankful for them -- their purposes remain a mystery to me.

Some mysteries may be explained while I am in this mortal body and some may not, but one thing I know: in fifty-nine years, no one has ever shown me a better way or life or truth than that which I see in Jesus Christ.

And so, I give thanks. 

Constant Comparisons and Cutthroat Competition Crushes Compassion

My last post left me unsatisfied. Fasting from "snipping" or "giving my opinion"isn't a bad idea. I love how Catherine Marshall wrote about her day of fasting from giving her opinion--she didn't know how 24 hours of holding her tongue could be so hard! Nonetheless, I think I want to dig deeper. I started listing reasons I would have for responding like the women did to the mother of a two-year-old.

1) I truly think the mother of the teenagers was trying to be loving and kind. I imagine her hope was that moms of little ones may have it tough now, but maybe that means their tough days will be during the years when you can still pick the children up, hug them, and put them to bed.

2) Hopefully, the mother of teenagers was not saying, "You may think it's rough now, but, boy oh boy, wait until they hit the teenage years!" I am fairly sure that something similar has passed through my lips. Now, as I look at a statement like that, I am really competing for whose life is the most challenging. I would like to give myself the benefit of the doubt and say I am commiserating with the moms of young children. Essentially I am trying to say that I understand their pain because I am in pain, too. It is obvious from the harsh responses of the moms of babies that they were not comforted. I need to learn from their responses because I want to be a person whose words bring love and light, not cause harm.

How often I play the comparison game or the competition game. Why? Sometimes I use my challenges because I feel I am being pushed to do something I just can not or do not want to do. Instead of looking to Jesus for direction in my life and simply letting my "yes" be "yes" and my "no" be "no," I compete for whose life is busiest.

Or, I compare my life with someone else's and I look for all the reasons I fall short when I need to listen to the Holy Spirit, who does not use words such as, "Girl, you just fell short. What's wrong with you anyway?" In defensive mode, I spell out how challenging my life is, which it very probably is, because life is tough, but this means the other person is going through tough times as well. I can turn to Jesus to speak words of love and compassion.

I love how Frank Laubach writes in his letter (9 March 1930): "...His question is, 'How far will this man and that woman allow me to carry this hour?'" 

"But how 'practical' is this for the average man? It seems to me now that yonder plowman could be like Calixto Sanidad, when he was a lonesome and mistreated plowboy, 'with my eyes on the furrow, and my hands on the lines, but my thoughts on God.' The carpenter could be as full of God as was Christ when he drove nails...Some hour spent by some night watchman might be the most glorious ever lived on earth. God is not through yet. He is breaking through.."

Wherever I am at: as the pregnant mom with 3 children at home whose "water" broke at the same time that the toilet overflowed (yes, it really did happen), as the mom of 4 teenagers pushing the boundaries while the husband is working overtime hours, as the woman who loses her job and her community when a new boss streamlines the company, in all these my eyes can be on Jesus who keeps me in His peace and His grace as I turn to Him moment by moment. And, when I forget, He lovingly calls me back.

The photo in this post was taken many years ago when my boys were young and decided to change pajamas with one another. I find that I often try to "change clothes with someone else." Not physically of course, but I compare my life to someone else's. I look at their "outsides" and think if they had my life, then...

I put "my clothes" onto them.

Or, I think if I had their lives -- I put on "their clothes" -- then...

Somehow I miss the fact that I end up looking like my boys do in this picture.

I have no need to compete; I have no need to compare. I am His Beloved. He calls me by name; I am His. My identity is in Him. He sustains me as I practice slowing my mind down long enough to hear Him speak so lovingly to me. Often that means not rushing my steps, not rushing my hands, not rushing my words -- that conscious practice of slowing down when it is possible makes it easier to hear His voice when life seems impossible...or when a compassionate word is needed.  

Who Has the Greatest Challenge?

A couple of days ago, I read a touching blog by a mother who wrote well on how difficult life is with a baby. Her desire was to let others know that she understood. Moms of young children do not need to suffer alone in their pain. It was meant to be comforting. The comments, however, that followed looked like a new version of the mommy wars -- this time not between working moms and stay-at-home moms, but between moms whose challenges were during the first two years, moms whose challenges were during the teenage years, and moms whose challenges were in between.

As you look at this picture of my father with three of my four children, notice these things: the mess (I tried to cut out as much as I could), the undecorated walls (not my gift), my son's wild hair, and the oldest son (yes, you're right; he is not even in the picture). If you think I am now going to tell you that this, this, is truly the most challenging season, you're wrong. "Each day has enough problems of its own." Oh yeah. Notice how three days ago, I said I was going to post everyday? Two days in a row. That's as far as I went this time around. Skipped yesterday. We're trying again today.

There are enough sorrows to go around in the world without snipping at one another. Frank Laubach starts his March 9th entry with these words: For the first time in my life I know what I must do off in lonesome Lanao. I know why God left this aching void, for Himself to fill." [underlining mine]

What doesn't show in his book of Letters is that Laubach suffered many depressing days. He was lonesome. He ached. No matter whether one is a mom of young babies or a dad of teenagers, whether one is 21, 35, 42, 56, you name the age and the condition: each day has enough problems of its own. There are seasons of joy and seasons of struggles and pain. Let's pursue peace and grace in Christ Jesus. And, the first small step we can take is to fast from snipping at one another. 

Embracing Change

I have decided to embrace change. It is going to happen anyway, as surely as the shoreline changes from sand being swept away and deposited elsewhere. I am slow to change when it comes to technology: this blog, for instance: I still have not figured out how to do everything. Much like my spiritual transformation. I seem to be s-l-o-w at changing. Nonetheless, I can write as Laubach wrote on March 1, 1930:

The sense of being led by an unseen hand which takes mine while another hand reaches ahead and prepares the way, grows upon me daily. I do not need to strain at all to find opportunity. It piles in upon me as the waves roll over the beach, and yet there is time to do something about each opportunity. 

I must disagree with one part of this letter. "I compel my mind to open straight out toward God. I wait and listen with determined sensitiveness. I fix my attention there, and sometimes it requires a long time early in the morning to attain that mental state. I determine not to get out of bed until that mind set, that concentration upon God, is settled." 

Not going to happen. How many of you are saying as I am, "He has no babies there" or "I wish." No, I am not going to be able to stay in bed; however, each morning, I can greet God. I can hold out my open hands to Him. I can surrender (or at least be willing to be made willing to surrender) my pre-conceived expectations of how this day must go according to the Book of ME. I can look joyfully for Him to live and move and have His being in me, in whatever circumstances the day holds. 

I have seen the following, in just two days of getting back into talking (and hopefully, listening!) continually to God: "Obstacles which I once would have regarded as insurmountable are melting away like a mirage. People are becoming friendly who suspected or neglected me. I feel, I feel like one who has had his violin out of tune with the orchestra and at last is in harmony with the music of the universe."

Laubach goes on to write: "...I would find God's will and I would do that will though every fiber in me said no, and I would win the battle in my thoughts." I have discovered two things about winning over the will. 1) I have to get rid of the idea that God's will is always about sending me to the farthest point on earth. It could be that, but I think day-to-day, God's will is for me to love Him, to trust Him, to ask Him to help me be loving and kind and gentle. To not be angry, to not insist on my own way. 2) I can start in small steps, the steps that I find easier so that being loving and kind simply becomes part of who I am, my character. This week I have learned to look at my eyes and eyebrows in the mirror and really notice what it feels like when I am judging or angry. I can give my eyes and eyebrows to God so that when family gathers for the holidays (as many will do next week and in the coming month), I will have taught my face and my heart/will/spirit to follow after Jesus and not give in to a critical look, a judging eyebrow, a harsh twist of the lips.

I love this photo. So difficult to catch everyone happy at the same time. But, we can be the ones who bring peace and light and love. It has been two years since this picture was taken. That was the last time we were all in one place. It is difficult to get everyone together when children are grown. Changes. I have learned to cherish times of gathering.  

Where Did My Year Go?

Did you start anything in January and here it is the end of the year, and you didn't get very far with your plans? I know the feeling. Obviously this photo is not a January photo. It's November and almost 10 months have gone by since my last post. Change. Make that plural: Changes. Too many. I like change that means "Hello." But, too many changes this year have involved "Goodbye." My one constant has been God, and He never leaves me nor forsakes me. AND, He constantly lets me have do-overs. Encourages them, in fact. So, as I have written here in this blog often: I begin again. I am also encouraged to know that Frank Laubach, whose letters I have been trying to follow in this blog, had huge gaps in his writing -- his 36 letters stretch between January 1930 and January 1932. I have 33 left, and there happen to be 33 days until Christmas. Yes, I am going to try to write one a day during this Advent season.

I feel simply carried along each hour, doing my part in a plan which is far beyond myself. This sense of cooperation with God in little things is what so astonishes me, for I never have felt it this way before. I need something, and turn around to find it waiting for me. I must work, to be sure, but there is God working along with me. (Laubach)

What I love about Laubach's "plan" to be with God is that it simply involves talking with God doing whatever I am doing: washing dishes, tutoring, playing with grandchildren...

After a rather depressing yesterday, I woke up this morning ready to tackle this blog again. I went to go look up the password which I had written down in Oswald Chambers' book My Utmost for His Highest. This thought came to mind: Check out November 22. I needed something, and turned around "to find it waiting for me."

Beware of allowing yourself to think that the shallow concerns of life are not ordained of God; they are as much of God as the profound...To be shallow is not a sign of being wicked, nor is shallowness a sign that there are no deeps: the ocean has a shore. The shallow amenities of life, eating and drinking walking and talking, are all ordained by God. These are the things in which Our Lord lived. He lived them as the Son of God, and He said that "the disciple is not above his Master." (Chambers)

I desire to remember Laubach's closing words on this day: "My part is to live this hour in continuous inner conversation with God and in perfect responsiveness to His will, to make this hour gloriously rich." In eating, drinking, walking, talking, playing, praying, loving, following Jesus.

26 January 1930

Already...already I have not fulfilled my resolution to post about God's minute by minute presence on the same day as Frank Laubach did in 1930. This should have been posted on January 26 and here it is the 30th already. However, Laubach's 1/26 entry  includes this comment: "I am feeling God in each movement, by an act of will -- willing that He shall direct these fingers that now strike this typewriter -- willing that He shall pour through my steps as I walk -- willing that He shall direct my words as I speak, and my very jaws as I eat!" Therefore, following God's directions moment by moment is more important that deciding that I should match up my days of writing with Laubach's.

Oh, if only I had had such a high and lofty reason for not writing. I confess on the 26th, I was just trying to get through the day with two grandchildren, one sick husband, a visiting daughter, and her two guests, all staying in my house that is under renovation due to broken water pipes. You will want to give me the benefit of the doubt, yes? You will hope that throughout that day I practiced the words of Laubach's boyhood hymn:

     Moment by moment, I'm kept in His love;
     Moment by moment, I've life from above;
     Looking to Jesus till glory doth shine;
     Moment by moment, O Lord, I am Thine.

Well, yes, but it wasn't anything conscious on my part. I was kept in His love; I did have life from above, I am His: I just can't say that I consciously looked to Jesus moment by moment.

Yet, I sense something in this second (third? fourth?) reading of this entry -- God highlighting Laubach's two burning passions and particularly the second passion: "to respond to God as a violin responds to the bow of the master." Violins do not think, "Oh, now, see how the master is drawing the letter C across my strings; now he is plucking me so I must make this sound." No, the violin responds the way it was always meant to respond to a Master Musician because of the hands of a Master Craftsman. My analogy of course breaks down because we are indeed created to think and give glory to Him. Still, I am discovering days when His presence is so all-encompassing that we have no need of words. I look back and find that I have responded to His presence in a way that pleases Him (no, not 24/7, but the signs of His presence in my life, the signs of His mind within me, the signs of His living and breathing in me, are there). And, I hang onto the hope that He who started a good work will indeed bring it to completion.

Minute By Minute

Familiarity breeds contempt, so the ancient proverb states. However, I have learned that proverbs are not meant as sure promises or guarantees. They often are true, but not always. Familiarity with God has not bred contempt; although, who can truly say she is "familiar" with God and His ways.

His ways include "coincidences" such as finishing up a study in James, turning to Laubach's January 20th entry and discovering God is speaking the same words to me in two different texts. God has done this enough times, I would think such happenings would become mundane; instead, I am nudged into attention.

The English teacher in me is already happy with the attention I have been paying to James as he writes: "James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, to the twelve tribes which are scattered abroad, greetings (chairein - Joy to you!). Count it all joy (charan), my brethren when you might fall into various temptations..." Look at that wonderful sentence flow! The first sentence ends with joy, and he picks up the linking word of joy at the beginning of the next sentence. A+ James!

The challenge (and coincidence) happens when I actually stop to consider the content: Joy at the possibility of temptations? Beth Moore writes in her Mercy Triumphs study of James, "...do we have a better plan? Let's do what the first word...says: let's 'consider' our options. What are my other plans, and how do they pan out? Sometimes our root issue is that we don't want to be forced into anything. We need to know we really do have options. Let's think through three. Identify your most pressing personal trial right now....Now, consider the fruit of each of the three. What do you believe the five-year ramifications would be for each of those courses of action?...Food for thought, isn't it? While counting our trials joys because of the treasures they can bring may be the hard choice in the beginning, most of us would have to admit that the other options don't pan out as well (46).

Laubach writes, "But this year I have started out trying to live all my waking moments in conscious listening to the inner voice, asking without ceasing, 'What, Father, do you desire said? What, Father, do you desire done this minute?' It is clear that this is exactly what Jesus was doing all day every day. But it is not what His followers have been doing in very large numbers"(20 January 1930).

If I fill my mind with worries about all the temptations I will face today, how I will deal with them, how I will probably fail and have to clean up some mess, as I try to figure out all the scenarios, i realize i have a different option: i can obey GOD step by step: What, Father, do you desire said? What, Father, do you desire done this minute? And, i (little 'i') can let HIM deal with the rest. When that happens, my day begins and ends with joy.

An Exploratory Expedition of a New World

Frank Laubach writes of his "Game with Minutes": "[It] is a rather lighthearted name...Many of us have found it to be enormously helpful. It is a new name for something as old as Enoch, who 'walked with God.' It is a way of living which nearly everybody knows and nearly everybody has ignored. Students will at once recognize it as a fresh approach to Brother Lawrence's 'Practicing the Presence of God.'"

"We call this a 'game' because it is a delightful experience and an exhilarating spiritual exercise; but we soon discover that it is far more than a game. Perhaps a better name for it would be 'an exploratory expedition,' because it opens out into what seems at first like a beautiful garden; then the garden widens into a country; and at last we realize that we are exploring a new world. This may sound like poetry, but it is not overstating what experience has shown us. Some people have compared it to getting out of a dark prison and beginning to LIVE. We still see the same world, yet it is not the same, for it has a new glorious color and a far deeper meaning. Thank God, this adventure is free for everybody, rich or poor, wise or ignorant, famous or unknown, with a good past or a bad--'Whosoever will, may come.' The greatest thing in the world is for everybody!" (Loc 704)

Dallas Willard writes also of this new world in the prelude to his book Renovation of the Heart: "When we open ourselves to the writings of the New Testament, when we absorb our minds and hearts in one of the Gospels, for example, or in letters such as Ephesians or 1 Peter, the overwhelming impression that comes upon us is that we are looking into another world and another life."(italics mine)

"It is a divine world and a divine life. It is life in the 'kingdom of the heavens.' Yet is a world and a life that ordinary people have entered and are entering even now. It is a world that seems open to us and beckons us to enter. We feel its call.

"The amazing promises to those who give their life to this new world through their confidence in Jesus leap out at us from the page.

"For example, we read Jesus' own words, that those who give themselves to him will receive a 'living water,' the Spirit of God Himself, that will keep them from ever again being thirsty -- being driven and ruled by unsatisfied desires -- and that this 'water' will become a well or spring of such water 'gushing up to eternal life' (John 4:14, PAR). Indeed, it will even become 'rivers of living water' flowing from the center of the believer's life to a thirsty world (John 7:38)" (p 9, loc 135).

A new world open to all, but few of us walk through that door. How strange as I wrote that last sentence I thought of a Kafka parable "Before the Law." Glancing at the story now (after many years have past since I first read it), I see that it is a longer and more complex story than my memory recalled. Without a closer look, I'm still going to write that it occurs to me that many of us stay out of this new world because of doorkeepers in our minds. For Laubach's friends, turning one's mind toward God one second of every minute of the day simply could not be done. According to Willard, we read the Gospels and the doorkeepers tell us "that the life [we] see there is so unlike what [we] know from [our] own experience" that we "neglect," "avoid," and/or "fail to immerse" ourselves in the words of Jesus.

What if, one by one, we start living as the free women and men of God that we are, and we take steps to walk through that door? Doorkeepers are employees of one with a greater authority. Doorkeepers must stand aside and let the residents enter. The One in authority has invited us into His kingdom. Why are we standing outside?

3 January 2013

As I want to be able to respond to other readings, I have decided to only post on Frank Laubach's Letters of a Modern Mystic on the dates included in his book. However, I have a problem. I'm not sure what I want to say today. So, I will start with Laubach's opening words:

"To be able to look backward and say, 'This, this has been the finest year of  my life' -- that is glorious! But anticipation! To be able to look ahead and say, 'The present year can and shall be better!' -- that is more glorious!

"If we said such things about our achievements, we would be consummate egotists. But if we are speaking of God's kindness, and we speak truly, we are but grateful. And this is what I do witness. I have done nothing but open windows -- God has done all the rest. There have been few if any conspicuous achievements. There has been a succession of marvelous experiences of the friendship of God."

I know now what I will share. Today, I stopped every time I didn't know what I should do next. I said, "I'm lost. I am overwhelmed with so much to do." And, I waited. When the impression of the next step came, I took it. And, I have found that much has been accomplished. Even the writing of this particular post. I felt pressured by time constraints. Yet, I said, "God, if you intend me to finish this today, then it will be finished. If you do not, then I will go my way in peace knowing that you have chosen my path."

We Begin Again, and Again, and Again

Two years ago on 12/10/10, I responded to Frank Laubach's devotional entries -- entries he wrote as he sought to be conscious of God every moment of every day. I thought 12/10/12 would be a good day to begin yet again. As is fitting to the title of this blog, I failed in my attempt. I attempted 12/11/12...and failed. So, on this special day of 12/12/12, I begin again.

As I re-read what I wrote then, I was dismayed that it has been two years and I still struggle with some of the same issues. The thought that it took two whole years to extricate myself from too many activities disheartens me. And, I don't think I have conquered the area of distractions at all.

It has also been two years of roller coaster consciousness of God every moment. There have been times when I am flying high, but yesterday as I read Laubach's published excerpt from Jan. 3, I realized the only windows I had opened up that day were windows to potential frustration and annoyance. Then, I read through his entry several times. While I castigated myself for falling so far from the joy that he expressed in this entry, I also sensed the windows of frustration shutting down and the windows to God opening up. I chose to look out of His window and it made all the difference in how my day ended. God is a God of new beginnings: His mercies are new every morning.

He is also a God of perfect timing. As I fretted about the thought of writing down entries that seemed more fit for a personal diary, He directed my eyes to words from Laubach I had included on 12/10/10: "In defense of opening my soul and laying it bare to the public gaze in this fashion, I may say that it seems to me that we really seldom do anybody much good excepting as we share the deepest experiences of our souls in this way."

Here then is (another) first entry in the writing down of this (my) particular soul adventure.

Hour 8 -- Reflections of Silence (first hour) When I was a teenager, one of the songs on the Top 10 Hit Parade was "Silence is Golden," which struck an ironic chord in my life since I was the oldest of seven siblings--six sisters and a baby brother. As a result of this type of family life, I am comfortable in crowds of people, but no one wants to be around me if I don't get regular times of silence and solitude. Therefore, a Silent Retreat sounded like a gift from God to me.

We actually started out with a meal and conversation. Pleasantries were exchanged and then at 7 p.m. we had community worship that lead into silence. I had forgotten how beautiful communal prayers and sung prayers can be (I was raised in a church that had these types of prayers). I imagine such prayers could become mindless repetition, but I'm not sure I know that to be true. I think I've just read such comments. Would they become mindless repetition if they changed -- a different reading, a different prayer, a different choral response? I did have a moment when I did not attend to the words: I was so caught up in the beauty of the sound of the words, spoken and sung, that I had to go back and read what was just said. No permanent damage was done to my soul.

After prayer, we began our free time of silence. I've heard one can not wear masks in silence. Not so. I grabbed my Bible, and in the middle of Bible reading had to wonder why I chose to read my Bible. Would I have seemed less spiritual if I played with the dog? Not to God. He could have spoken to me through playing with the dog; yet, He graciously spoke to me through the books I read.

Hour 7 -- Dear Jesus, dreams, and names
With the start of our second book in the Apprentice Series, Good and Beautiful Life, we get to write a Dear Jesus letter. I had already been thinking about his letter because I assigned it to my high schoolers (instead of a Dear Santa letter). I was thinking about it because I wondered what I would/ should/ could write! The week of our Apprentice Christmas party, I heard a line in a song by one of my sister's friends "I want to be the one you tell Your secrets" ("Secrets" by Janna Adams and Brock Human), and I realized that was what I wanted to request of God in my letter. I had not (and, yikes! still have not written my letter) yet, after I went home from the party and fell asleep, I had an amazing dream.

The dream -- My guess is there will be symbols you will understand in this dream. I'm not going to interpret everything. I don't normally get up and record my dreams, but I felt compelled to write down two pages of notes! I was on a road trip in a weird contraption of a vehicle with friends. There was a lot of freedom. For some reason only two of us went into this place where we were going to make a garment. I was to pick out my material and a woman in charge helped. There was a man in charge too although she seemed to be directing the action. There were lots of children. I had picked out material and my sister used it. Then, I picked out other material and someone else used it. Everyone had their dresses done. I started to stand on something I wasn't suppose to (I think maybe I hadn't listened to instructions) and I almost brought down the shelves. I really didn't want the material I ended up with because it was yellow, orange, and some other color. (The color I chose was a coordinated purple.) The woman gave me a lecturing look for being ungrateful, so I took it. Afterwards there was eating, but it was clam chowder (which I've never liked and now can not eat because of my Celiac's). This place was a famous stopping place for eating fish and seafood. (I told you there are tons of symbols -- lol!) People went out of their way to stop at this place. For some reason (I don't remember everything) I needed to wash, or it seems like I was trying to be helpful to make up for being the last to make my dress. Anyway, I started to wash in the sink, but there was a wooden covering on the sink which I grabbed off. Somehow, I wound up with two parts! I went over to the fireplace where I caught them on fire! One of the children, a brother, rescued me, but he and all their children were shaking their heads. Now, I guess I was sleepy when I first wrote this down in the wee hours of the morning, but I wrote: Somehow I had uncovered a meal which they offered to the father even though it was spicy style. He took it." Go figure?! The mom, children, and patrons were all happy to see me leave. As I walked out to the strange vehicle, I told my traveling companions if the next stop involved any sewing, they should go, not me! However, I did laughingly tell them I had certainly made memories for all concerned.

Names for ourselves: We did an exercise in Apprentice group where we talked about the names we called ourselves and the names God has for us. At the time, "Elder Sister" came to my mind which wasn't a gut-punch (our leader said when we hit upon the name we give ourselves, it might knock the wind out of us), but it was a little bit of an "Oh no, bummer" moment, partly because I am the eldest sister of seven siblings (and all that involves) and because it made me think of Martha and the elder brother of the prodigal son.

When I woke up from the dream I just wrote about, I realized I thought of myself as INEPT. My defense mechanism for my lack of intelligence in math, computers, and space is to make fun of myself. I had stopped doing it during my last few years of teaching because I realized it gave my students permission to give up in areas they felt weak in. So, I had, in the recent past, said, "I lack this, but I'm trying, and I'm determined to grow and do my best." I realized I had fallen back into my old habits.

The name I felt God calling me (both the night at Apprentice group and after the dream) was /is BELOVED. At first, I thought, "Gee, I want something specific like our leader was given (and that may still happen) "We're all Beloved by God." Yet, I have realize during these past three months, knowing I'm beloved has meant a lot to me.

A God-given reason an individual does not have all intelligences -- A short time after this dream, it occurred to me that we aren't experts at everything so that we have to rely not only on God, but also on others within the body of Christ (or to build bridges with non-believers). There is an interdependence needed amongst us not only with our physical possessions, but also with our intelligences and our talents. We have what we have, and we have what we do NOT have so that we can meet the needs of each other.

Hour 6 -- Carry over from yesterday: I read scripture from Streams in the Desert after God had encouraged me all day to keep my hand to the plow, and here is what those verses say --

"Arise...for we have seen the land, and behold, it is very good; and are ye still? Be not slothful to go and enter to possess the land: for God hath given it unto your hands; a place where there is no want of anything that is in the earth." (Judges 18:9, 10)

God has such a sense of humor! I love God!

Here is what Cowen writes: "Arise! Then there is something definite for us to do. Nothing is ours unless we take it. 'The children of Joseph, Manasseh, and Ephraim, took their inheritance.' (Joshua 16:4) 'The house of Jacob shall possess their possessions.' (Obad.17) 'The uprights shall have good things in possession.'

"We need to have appropriating faith in regard to God's promises. We must make God's Word our own personal possession. A child was asked once what appropriating faith was, and the answer was, 'It is taking a pencil and underscoring all the me's and mine's and my's in the Bible.'

Take any word you please that He has spoken and say, 'That word is my word.' Put your finger on this promise and say, 'It is mine.' How much of the Word has been endorse and receipted and said 'It is done.' How many promises can you subscribe and say, 'Fulfilled to me.'

"'Son, thou art ever with Me, and all I have is thine.' Don't let your inheritance go by default.

"When faith goes to market it always takes a basket." (Cowen 374)

In my examen yesterday I noted the positive, but did not come up with what troubled me until night fell. I had a troubling dream the night before. I had a rejection dream by the same acquaintance (a believer that I thought surely I had forgiven). I wondered could the enemy stir up trouble or am I unconsciously still holding people accountable? It bothers me that I might still be holding people accountable for situations I definitely want to forgive them of. So, I asked God to please enable me to battle false narratives, lies, that show up in my dreams and to glorify Himself even as I sleep. Providentially, I had watched a video of an examen in action which enabled me to have words to say each time I moved to a more awake state in the night. I asked God to send His grace into my dreams and whomever showed up there. Now, I admit to having a dream where I was asked to move my vehicle, but there were no people I knew rejecting me. :D
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I love taking showers. I seem to hear God's voice so much more clearly in the shower. I have been pondering...and pondering...this idea of the good and beautiful life. I have struggled in my search to find what it is I want to write in my Dear Jesus letter. I am to answer a question on what the good and beautiful life looks like. In the shower, God illuminated the words "good" and "beautiful." How could I have not seen it before? The transcendental virtues of truth, goodness, and beauty are constantly singing in my head. This discipling apprenticeship I am going through is all negating false narratives and walking in truth. I know what I want to write. I want a true, good, and beautiful life. It looks like this: apprenticing with the Master as I learn how to appreciate and re-create beauty. May what flows from my hands and mouth be beauty. May I hear, see, touch, taste, smell beauty. In a true good and beautiful life, I learn from the Master how to do and be good -- good as He knows good to be -- good in justice, good in play.

Hour 5 -- I am feeling a bit in a quandry; no, not quandry, just a bit lost. I realized one and a half weeks ago I had lost my addiction to teaching. I still have joy in it, but I've always operated out of this intense need for it. I am finding many activities I had an intense need for are dropping by the wayside. This is somewhat an answer to prayer.

Side trip -- How I let this specific prayer slip by, I don't know. The answer to a specific prayer a year and half ago led to such painful consequences , I decided I really do not know what to specifically pray for. I'm not sure if that is an excuse to not have faith or not (three "not"s -- I really am practicing writing badly!).

Instead, I pray for God to glorify Himself in each situation, person, etc. The answer to this prayer would be YES. (How can He refuse to glorify Himself?) The answer would be good, as He knows good to be, and it would be right because He can not be wrong. Isn't this type of prayer total reliance and a step of faith, too?

Quite a long time ago, when I read of George Mueller's way of prayer -- to not have any vested interest in the outcome as he brought each situation before God -- I made a specific prayer request. I wanted that for my life, too...I thought.

Now I find it was (is?) my passion, addictions, that motivate(d) me. I fear I know the answer to this quandry. I bet obedience is to be my motivation now, and my percentage rate of obedience has never been in the higher ranges.

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God will work this out, and even if the answer to this specific prayer involves struggle and pain, the outcome will be good, just as the painful answer to my specific prayer a year and half ago was also good, because God is good.
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Examen for today -- What stands out is that I was a bit lost trying to be motivated today, and I kept hearing "hand to the plow." So, I put on Lecrae's Rehab and started decluttering a back room. God was in this. Then, I put on Janna Adams' CD. God spoke to me through these two CDs. It is good for the temple to be filled with His glory.

Hour 4 -- I saw Him in the green hills today and in the gorgeous black and white clouds with light emanating from within. Providentially, He kept me from running over a mother with child crossing the street. Obviously, I was not being in the present with the Lord to help me drive. Nonetheless, He broke through my inattentiveness to keep me from causing harm.

I walk in faith and trust that he had a reason for the events (or lack thereof) of my morning even though I couldn't see it. I was the only one at prayer group; it appeared that I spent a few hours this morning with no worthwhile outcome -- it didn't seem as if I had "redeemed the time." I didn't and still don't sense any wrongdoing on my part, so I choose to give my confusion to God and to see if it's okay to ask God to be in my times of confusion, depression, bafflement -- I figure it's best to have God's company, rather than my enemies.

There was no one available for coffee so I spent time writing. I think God is showing me (still!) that while I occasionally do well waiting on the complicated issues of life, I sometimes stumble over the little daily issues. Will I wait and trust that the email I sent will receive a reply in God's timing? I wonder if I haven't fallen into the same trap researchers have shown teenagers to have fallen into: email is now too slow: text messaging and constantly updated statuses are the expected means of communication.

So, I come back to the issue of trust once again.

I did go get coffee by myself and as I waited, a woman started chatting with me. I responded in kind and when we were done, I thanked her for making my wait so pleasant. She thanked me for listening to her. I hope it was Christ in me listening to her. In fact, it must have been. I'm not naturally given to chit-chat. I hardly think I "entertained angels unaware," but I think I experienced God's promise in Psalm 16:11 -- Thou wilt show me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand pleasures for evermore.

Hour 3 of my requisite 10,000 hours to master the art of writing, and day ? in my learning to follow after Christ in everything 24/7 as saints of old have tried. Frank Laubach called this his "experiment of filling every minute full of the thought of God." People told Laubach it was impossible to even line up one's actions with the will of God every fifteen minutes or a half hour. Laubach questioned whether anyone was even trying.

I question how many of us who claim to know Christ even see His providential ways once a day! Ask a fellow brother or sister in Christ where they saw Christ today, and they're likely to hem and haw. Certainly I did before I was blessed enough to hear Bill Butterworth discuss how he and his wife teach their children to look for God each day: How did God save them from harm? How did God show them something beautiful in His creation? How did God keep them from sin? How did God forgive them of sin that day? How did God bless them that day? How did God lead them in a certain action or word to speak?

Sorrowfully, I have to admit to not operating that way day to day--still so full of "my rights" as I was, I would get too caught up in my plans or raising children that day that I didn't slow down long enough to think clearly. Still, the teaching was with me, and God broke through slowly until it was a habit of mine to look for God at work that day. God providentially brought other words into my life that solidified this desire. Henry Blackaby's Experiencing God Bible study; a pastor wondering why we refer to some action in the past when speaking of the power of God when we ought to have something daily.

Because I looked for God daily, I thought I was doing fairly well. At least better than those around me. Ah,pride and haughty attitudes...truly they go before destruction, or at the very least, a fall.

It makes sense to me to be transformed by Christ 24/7 even if I don't always succeed. I'm always talking in my head -- I talk to myself; I plan what I shall say to this person or that person; I plan what I will write here or there; I endlessly go over what I should have said or done. I would be so much better off talking to Jesus and asking Him to work through me as I...well, type this blog, drive down the street, pull books off the shelves for patrons who have placed holds on their books.

I did that yesterday (and the time before). I asked God to be in my finding library books that get sent out to patrons throughout my county and the next. I pray for the patrons. I particularly pray when I have to pull and send out the assisted suicide book. I pray for the folks who will be checking out books. I would love to know that someone somewhere is praying for my family as people who will be checking a book out, or a customer buying a product, or someone who will walk down the hallway of a particular establishment.

I think I find books faster when I ask God to be doing it through me, but, really I don't think I can prove that scientifically. I suppose I could set up a time when I didn't and a time when I did -- control groups, control situations, etc. But, what about when I fail to keep God at the center of the activity? Or, what if God intends for me to see a certain book and stop to explore what is inside. I think asking God to be in my eyes and hands cause me to be more in the present which in turn causes me to find the books faster. However, the non-believer could easily say the action of simply being more in the present causes the efficiency.

As I am writing this the following day, only three situations from yesterday stand out in my mind: the one up above, a time of exploration of whether there were areas I was having difficulty surrendering to God, and an occasion to be in the company of my former community.

As to surrendering, I wrote: I find difficult to give up -- for lack of a better name -- discretionary time. Obedience! I don't sit down and do my Russian studies because I think I am in charge of my time! Oh dear! my actions indicate I still want to be in charge of my time. Thankfully, even as I confessed this missing of the mark, my psalm reading allowed me to confess what God is doing and will do in my life:

Psalm 143:8+
Let me experience Your faithful love in the morning for I trust in You. Reveal to me the way I should go, because I long for You. Rescue me from my enemies, Lord; I come to You for protection. Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God. May Your gracious Spirit lead me on level ground.
Selah!!

Also, while I was at the library, God gave me not only an opportunity for obedience but to experience and put into practice what I have been saying to others: "How is God directing you? Where are you seeing God's direction?" I have been offered an opportunity to tutor a student, but it would mean that I would not explore offering a Bible study. I am walking in the shoes of my friends because I was not immediately sure of the direction.

I went back to my morning scriptures and saw the studies from Proverbs about ants, hydraxes, locusts, and lizards -- think ahead for strength for the future, build up for the storms, live in community, live the kingdom life. Most of that could apply to the individual tutoring, but I could also see the Bible Study. I know from the psalms God will lead me. I know what my husband would say, and certainly that is direction. I kept seeking God's voice. Finally, I feel God led me to look at how He has led me in the past as I asked Him to glorify Himself and lead me away from paths of temptation. I will explore this new opportunity trusting that God will close doors that lead away from Him.

Lastly, as I drove to a fun event, I asked God to allow me to see Him in each person I would run into. I trusted that the situation would not be awkward if my focus was in meeting the needs of the others. I don't think I managed to totally look with the eyes of Jesus, but I did not experience the awkwardness of the past, and I enjoyed myself. God led me to invite someone who was very blessed to be a part of this event, so that in turn blessed me!

Come let us adore Him! Shepherd, Sacrifice, Salvation!

Come let us adore Him!

Resurrection, Refiner, Refuge, Righteous,

Radiant, Renewer, Ransom, Refresher, Receiver,

Road, Rewarder, Restorer, Rock, Rest,

Son, Servant,

Savior!

Come let us adore Him!

Maker, Most High, Meek, Merciful,

Majesty, Nigh, Nourisher,

Omniscient, Omnipresent, Omnipotent, Only-Begotten,

Overcomer, Prince of Peace, Patient, Protector, Provider,

Praise-Worthy, Precious, Pardoning, Pure, Prayer-Hearing,

Queller of Storms, Redeemer!

Dec. 19, 2010

Come let us adore Him!

King, Kinsman, Keeper, Kind, Key,

Lamb of God, LORD,

Light, Life, Love, Leader,

Long-suffering, Lowly, Mighty,

Messiah!

Dec. 18, 2010

Come let us adore Him!

Our Guide, Guardian

Good, Great, Glorious, Gracious,

Gift and Giver, Gatherer, Gardener, Goal,

Holy, Hallowed, Humble, Habitation, Hiding-Place,

Hope, Healer, Hand, Home, the I AM!

Incarnate Word, Instructor, Immortal, Incomprehensible,

Incomparable, Infinite, Invisible, Infallible, Invincible, Intercessor,

Joy, Jesus!

Celebrate Jesus -- December 17, 2010

Come let us adore Him!

Counselor -- "For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us; And the government will rest on His shoulders; And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace." (Isaiah 9:6)

Creator, Carpenter, Captain, Conqueror, Chosen One, Companion, Cornerstone,

Compassionate, Comforter, Dayspring,

Dwelling Place, Deliverer, Defender, Delight,

Desire, Door, Emmanuel, Everlasting, Eternal,

Expert, Encourager, Example, Exalted,

Friend, Faithful,

God.

O Come Let Us Adore HIM!

Alpha -- Alpha and Omega, the first and last, the beginning and end (Rev. 22:13)

Almighty, Awesome, Adored, Advocate -- "And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous." (1 John 2:16)

Ancient of Days, Anchor of our souls, the Answer and the Answerer,

The Amen -- "Jesus is the great 'Yes' to all God's promises to us...Come to Me so that you can see yourself as you really are...Yes, you can be glad to die to self for My love has more for you than you can see or think..." (At the Name of Jesus)

The Anointed, the Author and Finisher (Perfecter) of our faith

Our All in All, Atonement, Abounding Authority, Bread of life,

Breath, Brother, Bridegroom, Blessed and Blesser, Beloved

Burden-Bearer, Barrier-Breaker, Boundless, Bountiful, Christ.

My eyes caught of this plaque hanging on my wall, and I thought the words on it might encourage you all as it encouraged me. There's a lot here to celebrate!

At the top third of the plaque are these words:
"I heard my Father say..."

All over the rest of the plaque are these statements from our Father:

I love you with an everlasting love.

I am your Provider.

I call you by name. I have placed My hand upon you. I hold you with my hand.

You will dwell in My house forever.

Your times are in My hands.

Do not be anxious about anything.

You are My child.

I will bless you and make you a blessing.

I will give you good gifts.

I will teach you and instruct you. I will guide you with My eye.

I discipline you, not to harm you, but to free you from every enemy of righteousness, peace, and joy.

I know you, and I'm familiar with all your ways. My thoughts toward you are precious. They outnumber the grains of sand.

NOTHING can separate you from My love!

With Me, all things are possible.

Nothing that is good will be witheld from you.

There is nothing too hard for Me.

I am for you, who can be against you?

Rest in My love.

Today, I'll start with explanations (and/or caveat). First, I am aware of the issues some folks take with Renovare (the organization with which Richard Foster and James Smith are associated), in particular to the Renovare Bible. My reply: If I only read works by infallible men, I will only be able to read God's inspired Bible (KJV, as that was good enough for Paul...old time joke for those who have never heard it). I hold everything up to the plumbline of God's Word, and if it does not match, I blow it away like chaff. But, I believe all Truth is God's Truth, and I keep the wheat. Be forewarned: I'm sure I'll have my share of chaff you will have to blow away as well.

Secondly, what to do about Laubach's label as a "mystic" and some of his more controversial entries? Mystic: a person who attains or believes in the possibility of attaining insight into mysteries transcending ordinary human knowledge. May I suggest Jonathan Edwards' "Divine and Supernatural Light"? (Yes, the same Jonathan Edwards who wrote "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God.") Edwards points out that Jesus himself tells Peter (Matt. 16:17) "Blessed art thou, Simon Barjona, for flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto thee [that Jesus is Christ, the Son of the living God], but my Father which is in heaven." Edwards' thesis is that "a divine and supernatural light immediately imparted to the soul by the spirit of God [is] shown to be both a scriptural and rational doctrine."

As to Laubach's more controversial entries, the experiment in telepathy being one, I can only suggest two situations: 1) He used the inadequate words available to him to describe what was happening; 2) He really believed in telepathy, and, in that case, I'll leave it in God's hands and not let it lead me into an obsessive focus on either the gift (if true) or the foolishness (if false).

Third, after writing my first "soul adventure' entry, I could hear the voice of a former student: Mrs. Lang, I don't get it. Could you put that into concrete images, please? So, today, I shall try to stay concrete.

The question is where to begin? How far back do I go in my history to show concrete examples of why I believe God speaks to each of us daily? I think I would prefer to bring up examples as they fit a specific topic since there are far too many from which to choose. Instead, let me give an example from yesterday.

I had occasion to go to an event which would place me in the company of my former community -- the community from which I was not sent out with blessings, but sacrificed (with my permission) for the sake of others. Living sacrifices that are still present always make for awkward reunions even if the sacrifice tries to make it easy for everyone. I felt I needed prayer, but also felt a little guilty that I would need prayer, and who should I ask anyway? The Lord took care of the situation. A friend thought she saw me speeding on the freeway and called to tell me to slow down. Laughingly, I told her I was sick at home. She then asked if she could do anything for me. She was the perfect person to pray for me -- she knew and had experienced exactly what I was going through. I have experiences like this every day. What Laubach stretches me to believe is that I can receive divine and supernatural light every minute 24/7 -- and I don't have to be a monk to do so.

As to my "dance card," my "teams," my "too many notes" running together in the song of my life, here it is in concrete details: I am a child of God in whom Christ dwells, a wife, mother, grandmother, walking prayer partner, sitting prayer group member, library volunteer and library book group discussion leader, visitor of an elderly friend, teacher to ten English students, cook and server once-a-month for the homeless and once for Sk8 Church, in community and worship Sunday and Wednesdays, in Russian class on Mondays, but not getting to my studies, not getting to my writing, not getting to decluttering my house.

The small "not getting to" activities bother me (The big "not getting to" vision activities used to bother me as well until I held open my hands and realized if God wants them to come to pass, they will.)

Now, for the concrete why I needed to Stop. Think. Listen. Here are two examples: Librarians get overwhelmed with work after holidays. My family does not travel for holidays. Since the hours were not filled in on my calendar, the Monday of Thanksgiving week, I started to volunteer to come in. The Lord nudged me, "Wait! What are you doing?" I did not go in. Secondly, I was asked to re-join a prayer group (which I have missed) on a new day. I looked at my calendar and thought I could do that...until the week before the meeting date when I remembered I had a student coming later on that day of the week. I would have been driving down the grade at noon, back up for the afternoon, and back down again for the evening, and back up again to go home!

Distractions is a new category for me. I have decided to let God tell me what my distractions are. For the most part I find the same activity can be a distraction or it can be a calling. I have the freedom to read books but the Lord laid on my heart that two (perfectly appropriate) books I was currently reading were distractions (one from the library -- yay!; one I had bought because I got a second book for 50% off -- sigh). Facebook is sometimes a distraction, sometimes not. Social events are sometimes distractions, sometimes not.

So! Concrete version of first entry is now finished. From now on, I shall try to include concrete details with my metaphors.

So begins my grand experiment...well, not so cliche as all that...what begins is trying to write down what has already occurred (hopefully, what shall continue to occur), but only occurred in snippets and bits in the past.

Frank Laubach's book Letters by a Modern Mystic first came to my attention in a book entitled Devotional Classics (2005)edited by Richard J. Foster and James Bryan Smith. It wasn't until 2009 that I was still enough (losing one's job does that for you) to let the eleven excerpted passages speak to me. Basically, I was an Amen audience. I could say to Laubach: "Preach it, brother" because daily God was speaking to me. But then, just as today, when I am sitting here sick in bed, I wasn't going anywhere. I mourned the loss of community because of the loss of my job, even as I knew my decisions were led by God -- I had laid down my life for my friends. I mourned the passing of that life, but God was there every step of the way turning my mourning into dancing.

Within a year I danced with joy and gratefulness; my dance card filled up (for the non-classical readers, in pre-21st century times, ladies had dance cards with times alloted to each dance. The gentlemen would ask for a dance and the ladies would fill their dance card time slots with the names of the gentlemen).

Now, I find I have too many dances to choose from. With freedom from my job came freedom from certain time constraints. I had the freedom to choose. I think I must change my metaphor to a sports one (a decision some of you may cheer) to give a clearer picture. God has many teams and He does not intend for us to be on all those teams; yet, a great many of those teams clamor for our participation. At this moment in my life I feel the thrill of being the watergirl here, the captain there, the goalie here, and the equipment manager there -- many of those chosen by God, but somehow I find myself missing practices, attending games irregularly, and double booking meetings.

Set times with God are still regular -- slowing down, silence, nature (let's call them Team Presence of God) -- all these are part of the rhythm of my life. It's just any minute not doing these practices was/is irrhythmic (oh dear, I can't find that in the dictionary; I guess I have to settle for rhythmless)...skewed. I thought God wanted me on Teams A, B, C, and brought teams D, E, and F into my life. And, of course, Teams Wife, Mom, and Grandmother are givens.

Since I've used letters for team names, may I switch my metaphor once more? There are only seven notes in music, A through G, with many variations. Yet, even with those variations there needs to be beat, melody, and harmony.

My instrument is out of tune and I need my composer to choose the notes because I'm the type of instrument that helps out other instruments when I shouldn't. Or, for those of you who preferred the sports analogy: I'll be playing soccer when the basketball coach next door runs up to me and says, "I need your help. Just be my fifth man," and I go. I am learning to Stop, Think, Listen now before I plunge headlong into a game God never intended me to play.

The other area I'm working on is distractions. I recently came across this reflection by Henri Nouwen: "Imagine your life as a cup overfull of opinions, ideas, and activities. Make a list of the many distractions that you might want to ask God to prayerfully to remove..."

In sports terms, I'll be sitting on the bench during the soccer game and find myself wandering over to the basketball game. After all, I wasn't busy at the time, right?

In musical terms, my instrument doesn't play for a while and I get so wrapped up in what is going on with the rest of the orchestra that I miss my cue (Miss my cue? -- That's drama, right? Miss my beat? My entrance? My note?)

All of this brings me back to Frank Laubach who wanted every minute of every day to be concious of God. In this new season, through spiritual direction, God has turned my eyes back to Laubach's writings, this time to twenty-seven pages of his writings (free online; although, I think there is a new book of excerpted letters out, also)instead of just five pages.

What I am looking for is for God to choose my dances, for God to choose my teams, for God to not only compose the song, I as His instrument plays, but to direct each note and every pause so that my life sounds like and feels like the equivalent of the Hallelujah Chorus and not sometimes a beautiful melody, sometimes a wondrous harmony, sometimes a cacaphonous mess!

On January 26, 1930, Laubach wrote: "In defense of my opening my soul and laying it bare to the public gaze in this fashion, I may say that it seems to me that we really seldom do anybody much good excepting as we share the deepest experiences of our souls in this way. It is not the fashion to tell your inmost thoughts, but there are many wrong fashions, and concealment of the best in us is wrong. I disapprove of the usual practice of talking 'small talk' whenever we meet, and holding a veil over our souls. If we are so improverished that we have nothing to reveal but small talk then we need to struggle for more richness of soul. As for me I am convinced that this spiritual pilgrimage which I am making is infinitely worth while, the most important thing I know of to talk about. And talk I shall while there is anybody to listen. And I hunger -- O how I hunger! for others to tell me their soul adventures."

Here then is the first entry in the writing down of this (my) particular soul adventure.