Hour 5 -- I am feeling a bit in a quandry; no, not quandry, just a bit lost. I realized one and a half weeks ago I had lost my addiction to teaching. I still have joy in it, but I've always operated out of this intense need for it. I am finding many activities I had an intense need for are dropping by the wayside. This is somewhat an answer to prayer.

Side trip -- How I let this specific prayer slip by, I don't know. The answer to a specific prayer a year and half ago led to such painful consequences , I decided I really do not know what to specifically pray for. I'm not sure if that is an excuse to not have faith or not (three "not"s -- I really am practicing writing badly!).

Instead, I pray for God to glorify Himself in each situation, person, etc. The answer to this prayer would be YES. (How can He refuse to glorify Himself?) The answer would be good, as He knows good to be, and it would be right because He can not be wrong. Isn't this type of prayer total reliance and a step of faith, too?

Quite a long time ago, when I read of George Mueller's way of prayer -- to not have any vested interest in the outcome as he brought each situation before God -- I made a specific prayer request. I wanted that for my life, too...I thought.

Now I find it was (is?) my passion, addictions, that motivate(d) me. I fear I know the answer to this quandry. I bet obedience is to be my motivation now, and my percentage rate of obedience has never been in the higher ranges.

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God will work this out, and even if the answer to this specific prayer involves struggle and pain, the outcome will be good, just as the painful answer to my specific prayer a year and half ago was also good, because God is good.
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Examen for today -- What stands out is that I was a bit lost trying to be motivated today, and I kept hearing "hand to the plow." So, I put on Lecrae's Rehab and started decluttering a back room. God was in this. Then, I put on Janna Adams' CD. God spoke to me through these two CDs. It is good for the temple to be filled with His glory.