Word, Star Word

My parents, and my friends' parents taught us this little ditty: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." I have no idea where the saying came from, but it is not true. Words can hurt, and words can heal, mend, help, and inspire.

Joanne Rogers's forward to The World According to Mister Rogers starts with this quote by Bessie Anderson Stanley:

"He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much, who has enjoyed the trust of pure women, the respect of intelligent men, and the love of little children, who has filled his niche and accomplished his task, who has left the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul, who has never lacked appreciation of Earth's beauty or failed to express it, who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best he had, whose life was an inspiration, whose memory a benediction."

Since words do have impact, I would add that the English language still has a challenge in ensuring that the "He" with which this quote begins also applies to "She," and each gender can enjoy the trust of pure women or pure men and the respect of intelligent men and women.

Joanne -- Mrs. Fred Rogers -- explains: "There were always quotes like that tucked away in Fred's wallet, next to his neatly folded bills, or in the pages of his daily planner book. Perhaps he liked having words of wisdom close to him, as if he wanted -- or needed -- to be constantly reminded of what was important in life. The outside world may have thought his qualities of wisdom and strength came naturally to him, but those close to him knew that he was constantly striving to be the best that he could be. He was as human as the rest of us" (1-2).

This post is not a review of that book. I only read those first two pages yesterday and intend to save this small size book for those weeks during the 52 Books in 52 Weeks Challenge when I'm not going to be able to finish a larger size book!

This post is about words. A word, actually. A word on a star. My word on a star last year was "Newness." You can read about last year's word here: This Isn't the Newness I Signed Up For.

I attend a small church and a big church. Big churches offer a lot, but small churches can also offer activities that would be difficult for mega churches: activities like ones where stars are placed all over the church. After service, those who want a star, take one off of the wall (or window sill or door jamb) and turn it over to reveal a word that can be used in meditation with God throughout the year.

I started thinking about this year's star last night while I was desperately trying to get to sleep (and berating myself for drinking coffee late in the afternoon). I thought about how I should go about picking my star: by color? by location within the church? I thought about what word I might get. There are over 400 words, and I was trying to prepare for the word I would get!

The word I picked up was not one that crossed my mind; however, first, I will explain how I decided. I came to church and said to myself: "I would like a star from around the beautiful stained glass window of Jesus and the woman." Next,  I thought about color: Not purple because for some reason I was thinking I already had a purple star, but that was the color of my granddaughter's star last year (she had "thankfulness"). I was drawn to a teal-colored star on the left and then a black star on the corner. (I really like black as my children know. They used to accuse me of only owning clothing in shades of black.) Meanwhile, the service began and I glanced at the stars in front of me. My eyes were drawn to a deep red star. I must explain that reds and pinks have never been my favorite colors...until the past two years. I have fallen in love with a deep red. My Christmas tree this year had deep red ornaments and twinkly white lights. Very typical Christmas colors, but highly unusual for me.

I chose a deep red star, turned it over, and read "Forgiveness." If you've read my blog for any length of time, you will know my reaction was one of my default reactions: "Oh no! Who or what am I going to have to forgive this year? From whom am I going to need to ask forgiveness?" I tend to jump  off the deep end in my immediate reactions. (For readers in other countries who may not have this saying, it refers to swimmers, usually beginners, who jump into the deep end of the pool to their detriment rather than learning to swim slowly stroke by stroke.)

After my immediate "Oh my life is going to fall apart" reaction, I settle into a calmer "Well, Lord God, this is going to be an interesting year." Here is my star in its star place:

I close by telling you that I love this picture above. So much is represented here: my husband and I (in our younger years at Christmas); items from Russia, England, and Japan; items old  from grandparents, aunt,  my childhood, my children's childhoods; handcrafted items; and items from special events. Nestled among those memories: a star of "newness" and now a star of "forgiveness."

It's an important word. I'll let you know come December 2018 how life turns out. Lord willing. 

Magi, Community, Regrets, Resolutions, God...Or, Musings on This Twelfth Day of Christmas

Our Magi have arrived to their, not biblically accurate but culturally acceptable, place with the Holy Family and the Shepherds.

Several times in 2017 I heard the statement made: God is enough. Indeed God IS enough, AND God in God's enoughness (with apologies to those of you reading this in translation since "enoughness" -- uncountably enough -- is not in a traditional dictionary)... God, being so enough to cover anything and everything, wants community, loves community. As Dallas Willard was so often heard to say:

"The aim of God in history is the creation of an all-inclusive community of loving persons, with Himself included in that community as its prime sustainer and most glorious inhabitant."

Picture Jesus, Immanuel, God with us, born to parents who could only afford turtle doves as their temple sacrifice after the birth of Jesus (so they were not wealthy). Angels gave them messages. An older cousin and her husband were part of their support group. Shepherds, perhaps multi-generational if the shepherds brought their older sons with them, came to honor them as well as Magi, obviously wealthy enough to make a long journey bringing gold, frankincense, and myrrh as gifts. Later they will be greeted (and given messages to ponder) by an old woman and an old man. Years later they will travel with family and friends, people Mary and Joseph trust so much, they won't look for Jesus for three days (and then discover he is not with them).

Here on this twelfth day of Christmas, on Epiphany Day when the manifestation of Jesus to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi is celebrated (and the Christmas tree is undecorated and put out into the trash barrel), I find myself thinking about community, regrets, and resolutions.

I'm not a New Year's Resolution maker. Resolutions set me up for failure. However, I do like to practice behaviors that will draw me to love God and love others. As I think of community, I want to practice listening and being present to those with a message, to those who support me, to those of all social classes, all ages, to my family and friends.

As for regrets, unlike a popular song lyric, I have more than a few, but when those regrets come to call, I don't want to waste present time (especially when I've apologized over and over for them) in regretting my regrets. Instead I want to practice taking the next right step I know to take (another Willardism) and not regret this present day sometime in the future. I won't always get it right, but as I fix my eyes on Jesus, I will be at peace. As I practice loving God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength, and loving others as myself, I will still experience heartache and sorrows, but I will find comfort in sorrow, share joy and peace in tribulations, see beauty in the ashes.

While I'm musing, have you ever found yourself thinking of something and then completely unexpectedly, you read about something you are thinking of? This morning, I read this in Big Sur and The Oranges of Hieronymus Bosch by Henry Miller (the first time I've ever read a Henry Miller book):

"What could one bring that would be of value to the community? Just a normal, modest desire to do whatever needs to be done in whatever way it can be done. Briefly, two capable hands, a strong heart, and a certificate against disillusionment. If you have an intellect, bring it with you, but not the rubbish that usually goes with it...And, if you bring nothing else, bring a sense of humor..." (Miller 37). Sounds like a good practice to me. 

Opting Out of Resolutions; Opting In to Encouragement

If you have broken any of your resolutions made a mere 18 days ago, you are not alone. Some have even taken to tweeting their failures. Failures. That's my issue with resolutions. Either you accomplish them or you fail. I've opted out of resolution making for a number of years now, but it's only this year that I have replaced resolution making with something else: Keeping track, hopefully on paper, of what went well each day and where I need new strategies. If I don't write it down, then I'm at least practicing thinking about these two questions:

1) What went well today?
2) Where do I need new strategies?

Resolutions don't have solutions. I know: the sentence sounds cheesy and trite, but it helps me remember what I'm looking for: solutions, not failure. Failure needs to be an option. Yes, many of us have heard the famous quote: "Failure is not an option," but the person saying that had a great deal of practice (read: failures) before the day arrived when the practice boiled down to a moment in time when it was important not to fail.

A resolution that makes its way onto the top ten resolutions list every year is "Stop Smoking." It's a great resolution, but some folks don't realize the average smoker quits 8 to 10 times before succeeding. If we looked at resolutions in the same light as we would an inventor or a scientist, we would expect a great deal of failed attempts. Like a scientist, I have a vision of what I want to see happen and I am encouraging myself in that goal, that vision, by continuing what is leading me closer and considering how I can change what went awry by practicing a new strategy. This is what that looked like in my life the first day I tried it.

You might not have any problem calling people, or making your bed, or picking up clothes, but I've never liked using the telephone. Texting was God's gift to me! Maybe you made it an hour without smoking...or gossiping...or eating something unhealthy. Maybe you got out of bed 5 minutes earlier than the day before or gave your son or daughter your undivided attention. Maybe you took the time to be grateful or kind or patient. Did you look up and notice something beautiful outside your window? Did you attempt to smile at the barista? (Please smile at the barista. My daughter is one.) Whatever you did well, no matter how small, it was a step in the right direction.

Then, get creative about strategies for what didn't go the way you had hoped or planned. As it turned out, keeping a running list of actions to do works for me. It helps if I gather up all that I need to do on the computer and wait to do them later in the day. When I start off my day with social media, the rest of my day runs amuck. The next step for me is to make list-making a habit. I know it works for me; I'm just not in the habit of doing it.

As mentioned in my last blog post, I trust that people can change -- with encouragement, practicing falling down and getting back up, one day at a time, one step at a time. 

Changes, Visible and Not So Visible

I didn't get far in my return to blogging...some things don't seem to change, but there is hope. When I read what I posted two years ago on January 11, 2014 , I almost could have just put up the same posting. Almost. This is what my desk looks like now. Different room, a whole lot less clutter.

Just so you can see the difference, here is what it looked like two years ago:

Sometimes change is my life is highly visible and good like the differences between these two pictures (or between the color of my hair in 2014 and the color now)! Much of the time the change that I see may not be something I want as the two past years have had many times of sadness. The change that I do want is often slow and not obvious, such as the change necessary to accomplish my number one goal in 2014: to be more like Jesus than the previous year. The challenge with this type of goal is that the more I know of Jesus, the more aware I am of how far I fall short. Nevertheless, if I revisit the same writing prompts I used on 1/11/14, I would still make #1 the same, but perhaps with a change in wording.

#1 -- My number one goal this year is to live my life the way Jesus would live my life if He were I.

I also at that time digressed to answer some January writing prompts from Pinterest. I digress again as I revisit those prompts.

#2 -- I continue to be most grateful for Jesus in my life, especially in the midst of sadness or chaos or turmoil. I am practicing how to be gracious, kind, and loving in those circumstances. I am also grateful for a group with those same goals, a cohort group that I spent two years studying with. In 2014 I included our first picture together from October 2013. Here I include our last time together last June 2015.

#3 -- Am I content? Yes, even more so with what I have or don't have materially, but not so content that I don't need to continue practice becoming kind, growing in patience and gentleness, nurturing encouragement, following after Christ.
#4 -- Best memory of last year? Definitely being with the crazy loving people pictured above, but also being with the crazy loving siblings pictured below.

#5 -- Last major accomplishment? Two years of monthly postings and discussions on Blackboard, 4 semesters of practices, 8 papers, 1 major project, I didn't even count the number of books read -- graduating in my International Renovare program was a major accomplishment.
#6 -- I listed what possessions I could not live without, and I made a joke about liking to be clothed. I'm surprised none of my friends or former students called me out on that one. I CAN live without my pictures, but I would be the poorer for it. I do like pictures, some of which can be replaced thanks to technology these days. My books. I have a lot of books. A LOT. Again, I can live without them, but I can't replace the notes I've made in some of those books. Still, there is something to be said for discovering anew old thoughts.
#7 -- Can people change? I still trust that people can change.
#8 -- Last good thing I ate? My homemade tamales. One of these days, I may share the recipe. How is that spiritual formation? Incarnational. Daily life with Jesus. :D
#9 -- Current favorite snack? I still like carrot sticks, but I currently am also snacking on dates.
#10 -- What made me smile on the 10th day of January? Definitely my granddaughters. They came over for Sunday dinner, and we always play family games after dinner.
#11 -- My favorite accessory? I still do not accessorize and even the hat I had in the original post is now long gone.

And, now since today is actually the 14th day of January, I include prompts 12, 13, and 14.
#12 -- What is making me mad? Uh, nothing is making me mad. This is causing me to wonder if I am ever mad when I write.
#13 -- What did I have for dinner...well, since it's morning, I can't answer that. In fact, I'm not sure what we're having for dinner tonight unless I go to the grocery store.
#14 -- What did you get done? I'm going to get this blog post done! And, I'm going to practice just writing it without worrying about its reception. I'm taking a Sabbath from the opinions of others. I just started a new Priscilla Shirer study, Breathe. I'll close with some paragraphs from that study. (Ha! I like the element of surprise to myself as I write: I start with a plan but then I'm surprised at where I end.)

Shirer quotes from Heschel's book: The Sabbath: Its Meaning for Modern Man:
"The words: 'On the seventh day God finished His work' (Genesis 2:2), seem to be a puzzle...We would surely expect the Bible to tell us that on the sixth day God finished His work. Obviously, the ancient rabbis concluded, there was an act of creation on the seventh day. Just as heaven and earth were created in six days, menulza was created on Sabbath. After six days of creation -- what did the universe still lack? Menuha. Came the Sabbath, came menuha, and the universe was complete."

"Menuha, which we usually render 'rest' means here much more than withdrawal from labor and exertion, more than freedom from toil, strain or activity of any kind. Menuha is not a negative concept but something real and intrinsically positive. This must have been the view of the ancient rabbis if they believed that it took a special act of creation to bring it into being, that the universe would be incomplete without it. 'What was created on the seventh day? Tranquility, serenity, peace, and repose.'"

Later Shirer will quote Brad Lomenick as she encourages her readers to ponder where margin, the type of margin brought about by a positive meaning of Sabbath, might bring about tranquillity, serenity, peace, and repose. This is what I'm contemplating this first month of the new year.

Shalom. 

9th Day? 10th Day? Failure Leads to Success

Ironically, I am posting about contemplation and wholeness just as the twelve days of Christmas move into a whirlwind of activity (ten lords a-leaping, eleven pipers piping, and twelve drummers drumming). No wonder most of us do not try to emulate the song. For those of us who have already celebrated Christmas Day (many Orthodox Christians will not celebrate until January 7), we are ready to take down the decorations, put the tree out with the trash, and be done with the holiday craziness.

I am persevering until Monday, January 6 which I have just found out is the 12th Day of Christmas. I have been off by one day apparently this whole time. Christmas Day is…well…Christmas Day, all on its own. I should have started counting on the day after Christmas Day. Now that I know, I can improve for next year's celebrations. Growth and improvement is what I am going for this year. The word I am keeping in mind is "Practice."

Practice one day; write the next. If all goes as planned (I write those words even though I know full well that events rarely go as planned), I'm going to practice six traditions or virtues.

On Sundays, I am going to practice Contemplation, specifically contemplation with God. Contemplation without God does not tend to lead to growth and improvement for me. On Mondays, I will write on how contemplation works out (and maybe I'll even keep practicing), but I will practice Wholeness on Monday. I think of these two streams of life as more internal.

Tuesday will be for practicing an Incarnational life where the inner life mingles with the outer life, while Wednesday if for Compassionate practices, practices that include social justice. So these two days are external.

Thursday and Friday will be for the distinctly spiritual practices. All streams or traditions are spiritual to me, but that is for another day and another blog. Thursday, I practice the Spirit-empowered life, and Friday is for the Evangelical life; although, those practices may surprise some readers.  

This year's adventures await me. Failure awaits me. I practice because I have never learned something perfectly the first time I did whatever I was doing, and basically practices are an accumulation of failures that help me learn until I succeed. (Look back up at the first image. Putting it into this blog did not go smoothly. I lost count on how many times I failed, but finally the moment came when the picture was here, without 5 inches of blank space and without gobbling up three other paragraphs.) As always, I am not practicing alone. I have a Helper. I have Emmanuel, whose birth I just celebrated, whose life I celebrate every day. 

Visions of …. on This 9th Day of Christmas

If it is Christmas, and someone says, "Visions of…" to me, I am automatically going to finish off with "sugarplums danced in their heads." Even though this picture to the right is one typical for The Night Before Christmas books where the sentence "visions of sugarplums danced in their heads" is found, I thought sugarplums really were plums. Instead, sugarplums are more like Turkish Delight with fruit, or fruitcake without flour. You can even find a recipe here. Not only did I discover a recipe for sugarplums, I also found out Janet Evanovich has a book titled Visions of Sugar Plums. I think neither the book nor the sugarplums have anything to do with the vision I am thinking of this ninth day of Christmas. Neither am I thinking of ladies dancing. I suppose someone's true love wanted the party to be beautifully festive, so he brought in nine ladies dancing, but then the next day (tomorrow) he sends ten lords a leaping. He now has an extra lord in the mix, unless he is the tenth and his lady love dances with him. But, I digress. This really is not the vision I had for today -- I just had to work in the whole days of Christmas thing. 

I wanted to find a really cool picture for VISION, totally forgetting that vision also means eyesight. That's when I found this picture to the left, which was used to entice students at Brown University to enroll in an Introduction to Computer Vision course this past Fall 2013. I did find the image enticing until I put it on the same page with a sweet little girl dreaming of sugar plums. Now it just looks scary. However, I am moving more toward one of my visions of variety in the look of my blog. I see other peoples' blogs, and I see what mine could look like…if only I had the knowledge to make it look better. Each time I write I determine (make a conscious decision) to write better or to learn and do something new. When all goes well, I do both. It helps to be focused on carrying out this plan. Multi-tasking: making pancakes, arranging for plane tickets, and writing at the same time is not working out (burned pancakes, loss of train of thought are two results of my multi-tasking).

Most of the time, I make a "To-Do" list, and it works for a while, but I have no vision of where I am headed. Yesterday, I wrote up what my typical week looks like, and after putting in the functions with set time frames, I wound up with a hodgepodge of activities. The synonym for the word "hodgepodge" is "jumble." Biblically, there is a verse for this condition: "Without a vision, the people perish."

People perish when they don't have a vision because they end up lost in a maze of activities clearly leading nowhere, like being lost inside the grooves of this plant pictured to the left. I was looking for a brain, but then I found this image of an underwater plant whose name I do not know because the site was in French. This image portrays me on a "To-do" day. I may end up feeling like I have done much as I cross off all those actions I have to do, but I do not necessarily end up anywhere. I need a vision. Unfortunately, visions squirm their way out of my head. I was looking at memes today. If you don't know what a meme is, don't feel badly. I didn't know those posts I was seeing on Facebook were called memes either. I just called them "What People Think I Do" posts. I started to write in detail about the definition of meme when I realize I had moved way far away from my original vision for this post -- my vision was to write about vision.

I start out envisioning a blog about vision, just like I wake up in the morning and envision a day of organizing, or a day of sending out cards and letters, or a day of applying for a job, or a wonderful day of seeing old friends.

What actually happens to my vision: Distractions set in, or fear hops on board, or reality comes calling. Reality isn't such a bad addition to vision…if it really is reality. When I was younger, I thought about all sorts of career choices: most of them had to do with fame and fortune. I realized I could not sing so becoming a singer was a good vision to cast aside. That's what I thought this morning, until I recalled that there are many singers who can not sing, yet they are making a living by singing. Which makes me wonder if maybe some deficits can be overcome by sheer tenacity, perseverance, and practice. Nonetheless, if I vomit at the sight of bodily fluids, being in the medical profession is probably not a good vision.

What people actually see of my vision is not much when distractions keep leading me astray. Visions have to be accompanied by determination and the means to carry out that determination. Dallas Willard writes extensively of this model VIM (vision, intention, means) in his book Renovation of the Heart.

When fear tries to destroy my vision, I need to go back to the original, check to see if it was a good vision in the first place, and if it was good, to remember who is for me -- God. I still need to get out of bed. Seriously, I am not interested in being God's robot or zombie. He's not interested in making me one either.

As I start the new year, I am putting some vim,  energy and enthusiasm for vision, intention, and means into my days. Not to be confused by VIM -- vendor independent messaging…whatever that means to computer knowledgeable people (my goodness, the things I learn…and get distracted by…when I look up material for this blog).  

Happy New Year on This 8th Day of Christmas

"To be able to look backward and say, 'This, this has been the finest year of my life' -- that is glorious! But anticipation! To be able to look ahead and say, 'The present year can and SHALL be better!' -- that is more glorious! 

"If we said such things about our achievements, we would be consummate egotists. But if we are speaking of God's kindness, and we speak truly, we are but grateful. And this is what I do witness. I have done nothing but open windows -- God has done all the rest. There have been few if any conspicuous achievements. There has been a succession of marvelous experiences of the friendship of God." 

Letters of Frank Laubach

No Resolutions for Me on this Seventh Day of Christmas

Coffee. I know "Give up coffee" is on many resolution lists today. I know because January is a horrible month for my daughter financially. You see, she is a barista. This means she works at a rather well-known coffee shop, and during the month of January their sale of coffee drops to perilous lows. Therefore, the working hours of the baristas are cut. However, if they all can stay with their jobs until February, their working hours will come back. By February, 88 percent of people's resolutions are broken; thus, those who gave up coffee are back to buying cups of caffeinated energy in massive amounts.

I checked for resolutions on the Internet to see if making them is an international affair. Mostly it is a Western activity -- definitely not a third world issue. Who in a third world is making resolutions such as "I will eat less; I will stop accumulating"? But, I digress. This may be a topic for another day. I do live in a country that makes resolutions because we do need to eat less and buy less.

I am not resolving anything this year. Did I mention 88 percent of resolutions are broken within the month? On this seventh day of Christmas, however, I have noticed I have been given 7 of something, and it is not seven swans a-swimming. I have been given seven days in the week, and I'm going to use one of them to rest. The other six I am going to "practice" something that might have been a resolution if I had been so inclined to make a list of resolutions.

If you want to make a list, check out the site that goes with this image above. The Scientific American article includes some great thoughts about making your resolutions specific, attainable, etc. I may even incorporate some of their ideas in my "practices"; mostly, each day will be like a day of practicing for learning any sport or any instrument or anything I have ever wanted to learn.

If I mess up a "resolution," I tell myself what a failure I am -- I am part of the 88 percent of resolution failures.  If I have a bad day at "practice," tomorrow will probably be a little bit better because I will have learned something that I can use to make the next practice inch closer to my goal of improvement.

I'll let you know how this all goes. :D