Conquering Anger -- Part I

This angry face image came from a man blogging about his anger at the Twins (baseball team). That kind of anger baffles me. I suppose if he has money he has gambled on the game and they are losing, then that means he is losing as well. It seems like strange behavior to me since his anger can not change the outcome of the game. However, I have been angry. Many times in my life. Yet, when I read on my 365 Writing Prompts list (found not on my List Board as previously blogged; it's on my 2014? Board), the day twelve prompt was "What is making you mad?" and nothing was making mad. In fact, I was having a difficult time remembering the last time I was angry. I am sure my children or husband could tell me in an instant, but I am no longer in the habit of being mad. So, "Conquering Anger" is what I contemplated this past Sunday.

I was interrupted after writing that last sentence (interruptions in the past would have made me angry), and in the intervening time, I realized how long a post this could become! Therefore, I am just going to tackle the first situation that came to mind when I think of my anger: Exhaustion.

Exhaustion, fatigue, tiredness. As a young mom with four children, I encountered fatigue often. I was not in the best of conditions to be kind, loving, or gentle. Sad to say, I made the situation worse by adding more activities to my life at a time when I could have been trying to get some rest. Wait! Don't get mad at me if you are a stay-at-home mom! I'm just telling my story here of one of the factors that made it easy for me to embrace anger.

Even when the children were in school, and I was working outside of the home, I added too many activities. Staying busy with activities happens to be a part of my cultural upbringing. That may not be the case for all readers, but where I live, people value one another by what they accomplish.

I have learned that I have value irregardless of what I accomplish. Those of you who have read some of my previous posts know that I am currently reading a book titled The Swerve. If you believe that you are nothing but atoms, I guess it makes sense that you should live for nothing but pleasure and avoidance of pain. I just haven't quite figured out how everyone can do that all at the same time. I'm thinking as I write here (I imagine you can tell that), and accomplishing something can give a person pleasure, but again, don't we get back to this idea that one is valued because of accomplishments? Also, what do we do when what we want to accomplish conflicts with another's person's desire for accomplishment? Much of the time, we get angry.

Being angry may give temporary pleasure and get a person what he wants, but then the person or people on the receiving end experience pain. I get the impression that people are just supposed to choose to all work together so that everyone will experience pleasure at the same time. Yeah. It doesn't seem to be working.

To be blunt, it takes more faith for me to believe in the "Swerve" than it does for me to believe in a good, loving, Triune God who says I have value, not because of what I do, but because I am uniquely created. He loves for me to be the ultimate me as He created me to be. (Okay, way too much rhyming there.) He doesn't want a cookie cutter person. He doesn't want me to have to do every activity that comes my way just so I can show society that I am a person of value. And, I certainly don't have to be doing anything to earn His love.

He knows my body needs rest to be the best me, and to be the kind of person that simply does not feel driven to anger, wrath, malice, or temper tantrums.

I know there are all kinds of situations that involve times when rest is out of reach such as for the student pictured below (and here is the link to go to some sort of event planning blog that suggests eleven ways to get a good night's sleep -- you might not be able to buy a new bed #11, but the rest are do-able). But, look how long this post is already. Feel free to comment. I'll title this Part I and see where it goes from here.

Don't Read This Book If You Are Easily Offended

Do an Internet search for images, click on the page where the images are from, and you get to read some rather interesting articles, like the article for this image above on book clubs. 

Yesterday I attended the monthly meeting of a local library book club. I have been part of the group for at least four years now. They were excited when I came because I was someone younger joining the group. I was excited because I was not the oldest person there. The group has definitely expanded my reading list. After a brief stint with Nancy Drew mysteries during my elementary school years, the number of times I have chosen to read a mystery or detective novel has been less than one every ten years. (My apologies to former student Elaine who writes detective/ mystery novels -- I promise to read hers.) Since joining the group, I have read from every genre. Last month's book (so this month's meeting) was The Swerve: How the World Became Modern by Stephen Greenblatt. 

Don't read the book if you believe in God and you are easily offended. Greenblatt's thesis (not a spoiler, and even if it was, unless you are heavily interested in textual scholarship, you are going to want to get to the point) that the re-discovery of Lucretius's poem On the Nature of Things caused the world to become modern (i.e. Epicurean). Okay, so maybe that is a simplistic description of his thesis, but I just want to get to what I was practicing yesterday. I shall, however, return to this book from time to time. 

It might be helpful to know that possibly 95 percent of the members agree with Lucretius's poem (as summarized by Greenblatt): 

• The universe has no creator or designer 
• Human society began not in Paradise but in a primitive battle for survival
• The soul dies 
• There is no afterlife 
• When you are dead, you will not care because you will not exist; you just go back to being atoms 
• All organized religions are superstitious delusions 

There's more, but I think you get the picture. You probably figured out that I am the 5 percent who believes in God. So, I'm practicing the with-God life, did I go in armed with apologetics (a defense of the faith)? I did not. Not because I was afraid, but because I wanted to bring Jesus to them. 

I practiced listening because that's what Jesus did.  I let other members explain how bored they were with Greenblatt's endless historical perspective. When the discussion leader read Greenblatt's biographical information and spoke out words that had everyone in a quandary, I could explain what New Historicism, textual, and contextual meant. Jesus is intelligent; I can be intelligent. I practiced asking questions kindly. Afterwards I went to lunch with those going to lunch because Jesus loved to eat meals with people, people who did not believe in Him. Jesus was accused of eating with sinners.

And, this is where my practice time did not go so well. Oh, no, I neither made enemies, nor fell into gluttony, but I failed to practice blessing. Three of us, in great humor, poked fun at the differences between us and our husbands. I suppose we could be excused for our rather gentle jokes, but we did not notice that our eldest member, a dear soul who had been married for thirty-seven years and widowed for twenty-six had fallen quiet. As we got up to leave, tears filled her eyes and she told us to cherish every moment we had with our husbands. The holidays had been extremely difficult and lonesome for her. We comforted her, of course, as best as we could. But, I realized, I still have some practicing to do when it comes to being as present as Jesus was and is to people. Lest you think I am going to mentally whip myself, I am not. I am going to continue to practice. 

Side note: Greenblatt goes to great lengths to explain how early Christians, even those like Thomas More, wore hair shirts and physically whipped themselves, etc. The apostle Paul clearly writes in Colossians that God never called anyone to do those types of activities; whipping oneself, either physically or mentally is a human invention. So, no, I am just going to continue practicing the incarnational life -- living as Jesus would have lived if he was Debbi going to a book club meeting. I can not do it completely, but I can do.

Wow. Never do an Internet search on a topic if you want to write easily and quickly. I searched the word "incarnational" prior to writing this post.  It turns out that some people, who do believe in Jesus, do not believe in living an incarnational life. The main argument against living an incarnational life or carrying out an incarnational mission is that Jesus as God became human. We're not God. Point taken. I still like the term because I know those of us who use it do not actually believe we are God. We just want to bring the presence of God with us wherever we are, wherever we go. Maybe I will just call this tradition, virtue, thread of life (all words that if I do an Internet search are going to come up with criticisms…sigh…): the With-God Life.